I know it has been a very long time since I posted so I thought that I would make myself sit down and write down anything. Winter is actually more busy for me because my 13 year old plays hockey and we are continually on the run. Thank God we only have about a month left. Things have been getting progressively worse with my husband, but I think that we both love each other and want things to be ok- but we are just totally different people. I have been pretty depressed lately and am having a hard time getting out of this funk. As far as my weight goes I am still yo-yoing back and forth and it really bothers me. Sometimes I am 147 sometime 141. I would be very happy if I could get back down below 140. I am still hearing how skinny I am and that I need to gain some weight, but I don't see it thta way. Hopefully I will be getting a settlement fromwork for my back and maybe then I can afford some plastic surgery. I still haven't fixed my profile to the new version. I know that Paula posted how to change it once and I can't find the copy. If anyone has it can you please post it again so maybe I can do something constructive. I haven't posted in my profile for months- something that I promised myself I would never do- so I have to get back on track. Gotta start somewhere. Thanks, Christine

Linda, What a thoughtful post. Thanks, I will be 18 months March 15 and I still do protein drinks. For one big reason: Breakfast is not ME!! and I run everymorning and need something with protein after I run. A protein shake works instead of breakfast. I might throw some unflavored into a crystal light raspberry drink just to make sure I am over the protein limit, But I do not think I will ever give up the protein drinks. Quick and easy( I hate to cook) I do eat whatever I want but I swear I had brain surgery too cause NOTHING( or should I say) very few things taste good to me. I am single and live alone so dinner is just as likely to be a couple onces of cheese and a few crackers as anything else. I was the drive thru queen prior to surgery and still haven't figured out how to do dinner without cooking!! I would like to believe that I am eating healthy choices now: My cheese is low fat or from 2%fat and I honestly am happy with what I eat. I do go out and can order stuff: Mexican is my favorite then Italian ( I live in Germany and they have plenty of great Italian Restrants). But honestly, I LOVE that I now eat cause I have to not becaue I am stressed or whatever. For me it will always be protein first: Hate Green stuff. and that is good enough for me. Don't get me wrong...I can still eat because of stress: I am in love with sugar free girl scout cookies and other junk foods, but because I fill up so quickly... a single serving is just that...No more eating the whole box and then some. I am pleased with my new eating habits: No fast foods but I do not miss it either. I truly eat whatever I want even stuff with sugar in it: I am currently addicted to cherry tootsie pops( From valentines candy) and problably have several a day. I am hoping I run out of them soon or get tired of them. I too could loose another 10 pounds but at 155ish and almost 45 years old, I am so happy to be sixe 8 or 10 depending on pants/jeans. I have never been this healthy before. I was fortunate to save for plastic surgery for the last 18 months and have had a TT and breast lift. It helps me a lot and will have the butt and thighs when I can save the money or hit the lotto here. Other than that, I am happy, healthy and can't believe it has been 18 months!! Thanks again for the post. And congrats on how you have done the last 18 months. Jacqueline

HEY PAULA! thanx for taking the time to read that entire thing your comments and suggestions mean a lot to me... so what do you think of this??? - I have come to the strong conclusion that all men in their mid forties to early fifties are PSYCHOTIC!!! omg they are all wack jobs... - I am laughing but honestly it's just not funny! I started dating about 5 months ago - you know you lose 136 lbs and your confidence goes up !! I have been told that I am "fat" (I weigh 164 lbs) this guy should have seen me 18 months ago at 300 lbs! I had one guy tell me that he and my personalities didn't "mesh" but he would be very interested in having an "intense sexual relationship" with me but that would be as far as it went...OMG -- There are more married men out there looking for "discreet relationships" than I ever imagined...I had one guy tell me that he really really liked me but because I wouldn't sleep with him on the 1st or the 2nd date he wasn't interested! ... then there was the guy that I went out with 3 times and he wanted me "exclusively" - said that I needed to come off the personals site because he wouldn't "share" me...oh and then we have the desperate and pathetic...I met a guy for drinks...within 30 mins of meeting him he asked me to go to his sons wedding with him - I told him that I didn't think that that was appropriate...the next morning I had an email where he PROPOSED to me...he said that I was the "woman of his dreams"!! Once I picked myself up off the floor from laughing I felt sorry for him... If nothing else - dating in my 40's is definately entertaining! It does seem, however, that the "nice" guys that are interested in me I have no interest in...the ones that I like have no interest in me....I think I am looking for excitement and adventure (for now) - the stable guys aren't exciting me! okay sooooooooo what's your take on all of this????

Very handsome....but why the rush? Why is he putting a time limit on you? What if you need more time? Is he gonna end it? All these things to ponder. Barb, you were in an unhappy place for SO long, I know we've all told you to take time to be by yourself and take it slow...I don't see you doing this at all. Why do you need to be married so quickly? Is Dale afraid that you're gonna leave him or something? Have you not told him that it's an exclusive relationship? Only you truly know what to do, Barb, but with your history of diving head first into all things, try to sit back and take a look and how it all "looks" to you...as it looks to us...like it's going WAY too quickly. We just don't want to wake up one day to a post by you that you're in a deep depression because you made the wrong decision too quickly. Just my 2 cents, here. Paula

CONGRATS!!!!! I am 4 lbs from my GOAL!!