I'm screwing this all up...

I posted this in response to another thread on another board... I don't post here a lot though I do read the boards, and a lot of the the reasons are listed below... I feel extremely lonely because of it and think "wow-- if I could just be more like the rest of you folks, I wouldn't have screwed this up." Anyway, I just felt like I needed to put this down in black-and-white or something... I'm almost 7 months out. I have MAYBE lost 4-5 lbs in 2 months...WHY? Because I have reverted back to my grazing habits and have never started the exercise routine my surgeon required. I DO believe that I am worse off (meaning I AM BAD) than before the surgery, because now I KNOW deep down, that eating the wrong foods, not taking vitamins, etc.,... could very well harm me. And still I eat. I struggle every single day. I'm so disgusted with myself. Though my amounts of food are of course not what they were prior to surgery, and even the food choices--they are still not on my surgeon's list. Sugar and snacky foods have taken over. I get so damn depressed and jealous when I see other's who've reached the Century mark, and I'm stuck at 84 lbs down--and it's all my fault. MY FAULT. This surgery was the tool to help me, and I'M FAILING it. What's worse is that I'm being closely scrutinized by everyone and I'm lying to them all telling them how great everything is, but deep down I'm so ashamed that it didn't take me too long to revert back to my true self with food. You mentioned choices? Well, I've been making poor choices, so I'm at fault. No one else. I don't mind hearing people go on in their superiority about not cheating etc., because they've earned the right-me? I'm inferior because I can't control myself. I'm deeply depressed about this. I'm going to have to find a support group. I believe I'll try OA. Anyway... I'm trying to look ahead with out being overwhelmed by my slow loss because of what I've done to myself. Shellie

Shellie, Welcome to the group. If you haven't been here for a while you should know that a lot of us are in the same depressed spot. To me it has become a time when this is actually more work and less the weight falling off. 85 lbs in 6 months is great. You should find a positive thing to look at. What do you need to make it all right? I know that I haven't been perfect. Can you get rid of all the bad food choices? Even if you have kids in the house they don't need the snacks either. Try not to think of exercise as a hugh issued. Can you take time out of your day just to walk around the block? You would be surprised at how that can motivate you to do more. Support group is crucial. Is there one for your surgeon? As I like to say try to make all the voices positive. Let yourself know that you are a good person who is struggling. Take it day by day and if that is to hard break it down to hour by hour. good luck and let us know how you are doing. donna

Hi Shellie, First of all, STOP BEATING UP ON YOURSELF!!!! You are not the only one that does this and thank you for being brave enough to post this. I am guilty of the grazing and I can totally relate. I am only about 70lbs down and I am still fighting to get back in order. I exercise at 4am in the morning and weight train however, the grazing I have to stop and get all of my water in!!! I need a support group as well. If you would like to be a pen pal, I would be more than willing to support you too.

Shellie! Don't knock yourself for being human..we all make mistakes...and right now i have been very depressed...only lost 80 pounds so far and my doc thinks that at 6 months out i should have lost 100+ and i go for my 6 month appt on Friday. I know that a part of it is cause i haven't followed my diet to a tea. But you know, you gotta get back on track..and also go for one on one counseling. or read the book Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies..has a lot of ideas in it. Now, I am begging! PLEASE TAKE YOUR VITAMINS!!!!!!!!!!! my friend ended up with beri-beri and the damage she ended up with is permanent. They were hoping it would reverse but now she can't walk or take care of her kids..those vitamins are so very important! Beri-beri is a B-1 defienceny. Please don't skip the vitamins. And make sure you are drinking enough fluids and getting in your protein and you will start losing. Some of the lack of vitamins can have pretty serious consequences. Take care and keep us posted....i start counseling soon as i can find a counselor that takes my insurance. Peggy

Shellie, so far you have done very well. What you have to do is revert to the 2nd month of post surgery. When you followed the rules. Protein first!!!!! No drinking until 1 hour after eating. Protein first!!!!!! Then have vegetable and little salad and did I say? PROTEIN FIRST!!!! You could do this. this is why we put our lives on the line. Think back to why we did this and how we felt the first month post op. Does your hospital have support groups? If not than come here to the boards and read and post. We all need this. We are all in the same boat. You are not failing. you are doing good. you just got side tracked alittle. come on. next time you want to graze - go for a walk or clean out a closet. you'll feel better. really. hang in there. you are doing good.

Wow, you've got a lot of self-abuse going on there. This surgery fixes our bodies - it doesn't fix our heads, and many overweight people are overweight because of mental & emotional stresses which they soothe with food. I think a support group is a great idea. You might also check into a counselor and see about talking this over with a professional. Then look for ways to comfort & care for yourself that don't involve food. How about some flowers? A massage? A long hot bubble bath? Maybe a good book and a pot of tea? Or join a tai chi group or one that walks the malls. Develop friendships with people who want the healthy lifestyle you want, who will help you stay motivated. --BT

I just wanted to send a BIG THANK YOU to all of you *****sponded yesterday to this post. I can't tell you what it did for me to see how much you cared and that you took the time to share your experiences with me... I'm a little more clear-thinking today, and so far: I've taken my vitamins Seen my new PCP who has a history with bypass patients--he is upping my anti-depressant dosage for awhile I am making a commitment to do some kind of activity for 30 minutes a day I brought my protein drinks with me to work today And I went to a support group meeting last night. Again... it means so much to know that all of you understand -- I've really fallen into my "diet mentality" I've had my whole life - that I had to do THIS for SOMEONE else, and that the results were never good enough. Today I'm just being grateful for losing 84 lbs so far and the blessings that go along with that. No negative thinking about "what if, or if only"... Thank YOU! Shellie

Hi Shellie Sounds like you are not the only one that thinks they are messing up....I am also GUILTY ! I have found that I can eat more and in return that is what I do ! I have to do more water intake maybe that will help. I have been trying to get in more exercise . Look at it this way.... When you were on your last "diet" how much did you lose ???? How long did it take ??? I personally haven't lost 70 pounds EVER ! 30 was my tops two years ago on Atkins....But gained it right back. Don't worry everybody loses at their own pace. You may be losing inches instead of pounds. Have you measured yourself lately ? Don't beat yourself up. Looks like we are in the same boat one time or another.....Just my 2cents. Sandy