Who notices ???

Since I have started this journey I have been wondering....How many of your family members tell you they can tell ? I have four kids ( 3 aren't kids anymore, 31,30 and 25 ) Not one has said to me "mom , you are looking good !" Since I have been heavy all my life my "self esteem "issues are in the toilet . Do you have to "pry" any comments from your family ? Hubby is the only one that really boosts my moral and I love him for that. If it wasn't for my OH family I would think no one would notice except hubby....... Sandy

Sandy, Are they men? Men, especiallly sons, don't really notice..as you should know, they're wrapped up in their own worlds and it would KILL them to compliment "mom"! If it's a daughter, is she overweight? She may feel jealous... I think that all people surrounded by WLS patients have a bit of trouble when it comes to our weight loss. Be it family and friends... And...we're looking for compliments of any sort to let us know if we've changed, and when we don't get it, we feel let down. I've caught myself thinking about who I may run into while I'm out, if I have a "good enough" outfit on to show my weight loss, etc. And when I do run into someone that I've not seen in a LONG time and they don't say anything, I'm crushed...but, some people don't say anything for their own reasons...I don't know why...maybe they're afraid to ask in case we'll say we're dying of cancer or something, I don't know. I ran into a mother of my daughter's friend at the park last week and she's a heavy woman, we chatted for about 20 seconds and she looked me in the eye and said, "My gosh you look great!" I said thanks, almost 100 pounds gone and I had gastric bypass. And sharing how I did it isn't one of my usual things. I'm private about how I went about losing. Anyways...don't fret...come right out and ask your kids..."How do you think I look?" Play dumb and ask, "Hey, kids, I've been heavy for so long, and I can't tell if I look thinner, do I?" and see what they say. Kids just assume that you know what they know! My kids are 7 1/2 and 5 1/2 and they remind me on a daily basis of how FAT I was before because I still wear some of my old baggy clothes and they pull them out and say, "Mom, can you believe that this shirt used to be skin tight on you last year?" And I say, NO, but, this shirt wasn't only skin tight, I couldn't wear it cause it wouldn't fit at all! Hang in there...you know how good you've done! :wink: paula

My two oldest are women who have not had any weight issues. Oldest was in here size 8 jeans a week after having the last baby ! The other daughter is the same only she gets "ribbed" about her "booty" . My son is 25 and I have another 13 yo daughter. She thought when I came home from the hospital after surgery I would be " different" but I think was disappointed because I wasn't. She didn't talk to me for about a week. Sandy

I think family sees it last. They live with it more. My wife has a hard time seeing the change, because she watched it every day. My friends see me once or twice a week and they can tell, but its not as dramatic. This weekend I saw friends that I haven't seen in quite a while. One came up to me and introduced himself to me... he had no idea who I was. Pull out some pictures, and they'll see the change. THey're just used to it is all.

My family are my biggest supporters, and I am so thankful for that. I think a lot of it is, they all knew how unhappy and sick I was when I had the surgery, they are relieved and thrilled to see me healthy and happy now. My son , like you said, is male, and doesnt say much, was talkiing to me the other day, then stopped and looked me over and said,,by the way, how much have you lost now? When I said 92 pounds, he said, man,,looks like a whole lot more. I took him in the other room and showed him my worst before picture, and he said Mom, I just never saw you like that. you were just always,,,Mom! But you look great! My youngest daughter sent me a package in the mail the week after I had my surgery, It was a long black slinky dress, size 12-14. I had always wanted one and she called and said,,theres a goal for ya mom, you're gonna make it! Now I send her pictures and she is amazed. The doc predicted I will be her size when I am through, about 140 pounds. that sounds unbelievable to me. My other daughter, who is an avid weigh****cher, told me the other day that I look great, like a whole new person. I have freinds , however, who tell me I am looking old,,not to wear this or that cause it shows my wrinkles. etc. Those people, I dont pay any attention to. I just chalk it up to jealousy because they are overweight. My husband is absolutely thrilled. he follows me around commenting all the time and is thrilled everytime I buy a smaller size. But I have many friends who dont ever comment. When I see them, they dont say anything about the weight loss, so I dont ever mention it. I take my encouragement wherever I can find it, sometimes its the message boards and the great folks here. So hang in there, there will come a day when your family will have to say something because it will be so obvious. As an example of why some folks dont say anything,,we just built a new home, and my best freind asked a mutual frind if she thought it was exciting that we have a new home. She said No, I think its depressing,,because I cant have one! Therein lies the reason why some folks cant get excited about our loss,,they cant do it. So just consider that..and go on. Have a great day everyone,,and congrats on your great successes! We've only just begun!

I seem to get most of my comments from people that I haven't seen in a while. My huband never says anything and if I ask him if he can tell he gets mad at me for asking. I have alot of self esteem issues myself and it really hurts not to hear it from my husband. My husband and I have a very big problem when it comes to our sex life-I want it and he doesn't. I did kind of have the fantasy that if I lost the weight maybe he would want me more. I figured at least that way I would know he liked the work that I was doing. FORGET IT!!! Nothing has changed in that area and I still get no compliments. His family has never said anything to me at all. One day I caught my mother in law staring me up and down. Normally I wouldn't say anything, but she noticed I caught her- so she said a girl at work asked her how I was doing. And that was all that was said about it. My sister won't say anything because I am about 6 inches taller than her and now I weigh less than she does. Actually I get the most compliments from my two oldest children 10 and 12. The baby(she's 3) still tells me I am fat- which is my fault because I am always saying things to her about mommy's fat buttor mommy's too fat to do anything. Sydnee and Jarren are always saying how good I look or how much weight have I lost. I am kind of glad you asked this question because I really didn't realize it until I had to think about it- how much they support me. I guess I have come to the conclusion that I know that I am working hard at this(through much couseling)and I am proud of what I have accomplished. I guess that is all that matters. I take the compliments I get from time to time and savor them as much as I can because I never know when I will get one again. Christine

Chris, My husband sounds like yours. Whats up with them ?????? I always read post about husbands being so supportive. Mine is so jealous. He never talks to me. It is like I am single. I am just going to get by with what I have. I mentioned divorce and he went off. I still get my sat nights out with friends. I have my daughters and my 3 grandsons. I dont want to lose everything I have. I am stuck in a marriage where I feel it is for convenience. I am very unhappy. Me and my daughter planned a weekend trip to nashville. At the gaylord resort. He ask if he could come. I said no.... So now he is acting like a as s about that. Why would I want him to go and make my weekend a nightmare. He is so boring. doesnt even talk. Hugs Barb

Barb, Last weekend I went out for the first time in a very long time. My husband was supposed to go to the strippers(wonder why I am self conscious?)so I planned to go out with my sister. Anyway my ex boyfirend went with us, I even gave him a ride. I asked my husband if he minded and all he had to say was that "You are a big girl". I guess I just expected some kind of a reaction. He just doesn't give a **** I was pregnant for our daughter before we got married, my husband has another daughter who lives 4 hours away and he never sees her. So he didn't want to lose another child- so he married me. I am just here for my daughter and so is he. He tells me I am not right about this, but I know I am. Speaking of convenience. I am here to clean and cook and take care of the baby- oh yeah and sex when the mood strikes him once or twice a month. I am 32 years old and am already divorced once. I want my marriage to work, but I have needs too and I really believe it takes two to make it work. Christine

Chris, Go out and have fun if he doesnt care. You cant stop your life for him. Keep losing weight. Yes it does take 2. I am alone here myself. I did try my best when he got home. I think My dh has major depression. Some kind of mental illness. I just am getting where I ignore him and he doesnt care. He just wants to be left alone. I am like you I to get lonely. This is bad but when I drink I flirt. I dont touch but I flirt. I know this is because I am lonely looking for some kind of attention. I dont get it here. I am not one to cheat. But I just dont know where my marriage is going to end up.... I just cant say. Your husband must trust you to let you go out with your ex. What is wrong with these men?????? I have no ideal. My husband is starting to turn me off. I just dont like to be around him. Take Care Barb

I do think that sometimes people are unsure whether to compliment or acknolwedge your weight loss. Most of my coworkers dont' say anything, and I'm not at all insulted by this, actually I PREFER they don't say anything. This is something I did for me, and although external compliments are nice to hear from people, don't thin that just because you're not hearing compliments doesn't mean they don't notice or acknowledge your dedication and weight loss. I KNOW people have noticed, but weight issues are sensitive to many people, and even those that don't have weight issues, they may have had a bad experience in the past with a past girlfriend or friend that has snapped at them for acknowledging that they are looking good (they take it to mean that they didn't look good before). So, don't fret too much on the external compliments. Your most important compliments will come from you. Although, I totally understand what you mean about how nice it is to get compliments from those you love. best, amy