Lovely Ladies Please Help!

Im probably the oldest one to answer ya, but heres my 2 cents worth. I am sure she is feeling insecure right now, not to mention stressed out by all that has happened in recent months. I agree about the "alone together time" too. Since ya cant afford to go anywhere, heres another suggestion, Get a babysitter for overnight if possible. A family member or close friend maybe? One night my husband was on his way home from work, so I made some special plans. I went out and bought candles, strawberries and whipped cream,. suntan lotion etc. When he came home, the candles were all lit, and I led him into the bathroom where a bubble bath was waiting. I told him to relax and I would return for him later. I put on a tape of ocean sounds, put a blanket on the floor and the dish of strawberries and led him to our "picnic on the beach". We had some "quality time" and then some serious talk about things in our lives at that time. It made a huge difference in our relationship. Not to mention, he walked around grinning for days,,and still talks about our "trip to Daytona" 17 years later.!! Use your imagination, and spoil her for awhile. Make her fall in love all over again. It can happen. Whoever said marriage is 50-50, was totally wrong,,sometimes its 90-10!! Take some time, work at it, repair the breaches and it can be stronger than ever. Also, there is a good book for relationships titled" the Five Love Languages", that tells how different people react to different expressions of love. Check it out at the library. Good luck Michael!!

Wow !!!! Good trip !!!!! Saved money

Hi Michael I actual took some time on this one and didn't reply right away. I even talked to my husband about what it is like to be the "spouse" of a WLS patient. My DH has been overly supportive. He always asks how I am doing, did I get my water in, and did I remember my vitamins. What I found out was he is terrified that I will leave him. Maybe your wife is putting up a protective wall. There have been a lot of changes in her life in the last couple of years. I think that getting a sitter for a night and focus just on the two of you and your plans and dreams together may be the exact thing that you need. We have been married for 21 years. I have 2 boys 14 and 16. We actually sat in our room- door closed, no TV or distractions and discussed this post. It amazed me to hear him pour out what he is going through. I think in all the support and meetings I have gone to I have heard very little about what the spouse's go through. As the person on the loosing end, we have personality changes. Most of us agree that we are stronger, happier and more confident. The fact that I have more confidence has changed the way we as a couple deal with the outside world. Good luck to you and your wife.... let her know how much you really love her... donna