Confused

I have lost about 68 lbs to date and I don't see alot of people on regular basis. I went to a wedding this weekend and I thought wow this is my opportunity to show everyone how good I look. NO ONE COMPLIMENTED ME AT ALL!!! They told my son and my husband how great I looked but no one told me to my face. WHY??? I wanted to hear the compliments and I didn't get to. I am so confused, I have worked so hard, most people get so many compliments that they don't want to hear it anymore where as I don't get it at all. My friend tells me its because they never saw me as being fat. MY self esteem is really going down now!! I almost feel like maybe I don't look as good as I thought I did.. Helppppp!! I need some calgon and a

Well Michelle, are you ready.... YOU LOOK GREAT!!!!!!!! Don't allow others to be your source of validation, you know how far you've come and continue to uplift yourself!!!!! No one told me anything until recently but guess what they say? 1) You better slow down on losing 2) You are getting too small 3) Your head looks big now that your body is small It doesn't matter, some people can never find good things to say, only negative or just say nothing at all....

Hi Michelle, I was at a party last weekend and some people told me to my face that I looked good, but some people didn't and told my husband instead. I just don't understand people sometimes.. Don't fret, you know you look great and that's all that matters. paula

I have had some people ask are you losing weight how much butt hardly ever a direct comment like boy you look great. I have a lot of people tell my husband. I dont mind the compements but the questions still make me uncomfortable and I think a lot of people are just afraid to give you a compliment to your face out of fear that you will think that they thought your were fat before. People are really funny that way. I have lost 65lbs since september and I can remmeber 1 time that my husband said boy you are looking great and that is it!!!! I think that hurts me more than all the people in the world not paying attention to my changes.

I'm right there with you. The only person that has commented is my niece . I've lost 75lbs, my husband doesn't say anything, other family members, nope, people from work, nope. Well I think we look GREAT and that's all that matters Micha

Everyone here will tell you how great you look. And you do. What I am finding out is people don't know what to say. Most are afraid to say anything. I had someone I new who keep staring at me in the supermarket finally at the check out counter she finally approched me. Most of the time when I get a compliment from someone I haven't seen it is usally kind of wow you look great-- not that you didn't before. Then a lot of stumbeling for the right words. Give everyone a break and realize how good you feel and how good you think your looking. The fact that they told you husband and son is some validation if you need it. Keep up the good work. It is hard and you really do look good. donna

The best feeling I have so far, We went out to a local club and there was these young guys (probably 25-26)-who have never seen before....-telling me I am beautiful....never knowing I had this surgery or anything... that is a true compliment...... and they even said it right in front of my husband.....But Like you I really kinda expect some sort of compliment....You know WE EARNED IT...RIGHT... I also think sometimes people feel weird to tell you they notice that your loosing weight, cuz they don't want you to think that they thought you were fat to begin with.... so its easier to say it to your husband

Michele, I would rather not hear any compliments.. I know how I feel. I know I look better than I did before. I hear compliments. I dont take them well. I just say Thanks and try to change the subject. I feel alot of people are two faced and jealous. I just dont like to deal with it. So I just go about my bussiness. I know and I feel great. That is all that matters. I am at the point now. I dont tell anyone I have had the surgery. People who know can tell them. I just dont talk about it to them. Alot of people do not understand. They think it is cheating. So I just dont bother anymore. I use to talk about this all the time. It has stopped. I just let people wonder. None of my neighborsd know I had the surgery. They just see me walking all the time. So I just leave it at that. Take Care Barb

I find the more open you are about having WLS, the more compliments you'll get. When ever anyone has told me I look great, and ask me what I'm doing, I tell them I had WLS. Usually, an interesting converstation follows. I feel it gives me an oportunity to dispell any myths about the surgery, and I found a lot of people are thinking about having the surgery too. Then some people are just to self-centered to actually give you the compliment. Don't measure your self-esteem by what others think. How do you feel? That's what's important. I've said it many times before on the board, negative thinking can be our down fall! If you think negative thoughts, you will believe it and feel it. Start everyday by asking yourself three things your grateful for...it sets the mood for the day. No matter how bad we feel, or think we have it, there's always someone else out there who has it worse. Another thing you can do is make a list of all the things your proud of, then the next time those negative thoughts creep in review the list. I don't mean to seem like Pollyanna, but I really believe as overweight people we always beat ourselves up. It's a hard behavior to stop. Look at how we beat ourselves up about plateaus, or not losing fast enough. What is wrong with us that we do this to ourselves. Most of us have lost more weight than we have in years, and should be thrilled. Instead of enjoying the JOY of what we have accomplished, we fill our head with negative thoughts! If you believe you look good, the world will think so too. Keep the faith, Linda R

The part about beating our selfs up is so true. I have lost over 80#'s before I had the surgery I had told myself and the therapist that if I only lost 50 I would be thrilled. Now I am just like everyone here-- how come I have this plateaus?-- why can't I loose any more? etc. Now I just keep saying if I loose a few pounds a month it will be way more than I have ever done before. It may take me longer than I had dreamed about but eventually I will get there. I truely believe that positive thinking makes a world of difference. another Pollyanna here donna