OT...My Dad died...

It's a very strange and weird situation...I was estranged from him for the last 20 something years due to severe abuse, alcoholism and drug abuse by him...He was a tortured soul and I pray that in death, the deamons that fought him all of his life are now at rest and he's in a better place. He was 83. He died alone in squallor. My emotions are running amuck from sadness, anger, frustration to numbness and then nothing at all... He was my Dad, afterall, but it was impossible to have anything to do with him because all I would get was more abuse and damage to my own self...All I ever wanted him to do was to love me, that's all. I just needed to post this. I'm not looking for sympathy or anything. Maybe a few prayers that he's no longer fighting whatever it was that tortured him so in this life. And maybe a few for me so that I'm more able to sort out all of these feelings. I have no appetite, but I'm forcing myself to at least get my protein in and some liquids...on top of having an awful cold/flu. Happy Holidays to me...He died on Christmas Eve... paula

I am so sorry. You need to take care of yourself. Now he is out of his misery. Drug and alcohole will take over a persons life. I am sure he loved you. Paula I know you loved him reguardless of the abuse. You need to go the the funeral and forgive him. and live your life in peace without feeling these feelings. Remember no one can take care of you but you. Dont make your self sick. Hugs Barb

Barb, Thanks for your thoughts....One problem...he was penniless and now the five of us daughters have to pay for a funeral for the man...And, funerals are expensive. We sat with the funeral director for over two hours yesterday trying to figure something out. If they didn't find one of us to contact, they would have cremated him and given him an indigent funeral. We don't know what we're doing. His sister is now battling us (her nieces) and won't sign over the insurance policy for his funeral, and it's not a money thing...it's specified solely for funeral expenses..and it's only 3 grand! It truly is a strange family, my dad's family...weird... We're trying to piece things together and are trying to be patient while this paper work mess is taken care of. He's gonna lay in cold starage until then. He's SO pickled with alcohol that his body is in good shape even without being emballmed yet. Go figure... paula

If he never had a will I think that money would go to pay his debt. I dont think his family will get it. I think it is sad he left you kids like that. I am surprised he lived that long. I learnt from my sister. When her mother- in laws mother died they talk my sisters husband into signing for it and said they would pay her back. My sister and her husband got stuck with the whole bill. I would just let them cremate him. I dont think he would care either way. He didnt care when he was living. I would do what is best for your sibblings. I am sure they feel the same. Paula I know this is so hard. Just try and take care of you. Paula you have came so far in life and have so much to be grateful for. Dont let this tear you apart. I know it hurts you. But you need to get this over with. I would just tell his family to take care of it. If they want to be like that. Take Care Barb

Paula... Im so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. Reguardless of the situation he is your Daddy and that loss is a profound loss. Be kind to yourself.. allow yourself to feel wahtever you feel. They are your feelings, they are right and you are allowed to feel them. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.... Erin

Paula, I am sorry to hear about your loss. I know that you are feeling alot of emotion right now. Take a few minutes for yourself to relax and take care of yourself. Like others here have mentioned, he is/was your father no matter what. You still have feelings that you have to deal with. You girls may want to think about creamation. If that is the less expensive way to go. About the insurance policy ....how do you know it is specified for his funeral and who is the benificiary ? If it is his sister and she doesn't want to give it up you girls will probably have to pay for the funeral. Just make sure she knows that is what it was for. ( And I'd make sure other family members were around to hear it) In the end it is her conseince that she will have to live with. Again I'm sorry for your loss. My son in law lost his uncle this Christmas Eve also . Sandy

((((((((((((((((Paula))))))))))))))))) I hope you find the peace that you deserve Hugs dale

Dear Paula, I am so sorry you are having this sadness now. I also lost my dad to alcoholism when he was only 60. I found that several months after he was gone I still needed to process the whole mess and went to alanon for quite a while--even tho the alcoholic in my family was deceased. It helped. Keep taking care of your self and be on the lookout for ways you may need help in the next few weeks. If you find you need help. Ask. My thoughts and prayers go with you. Jeannie

Paula, I hope you are doing well...and know that my family and I are praying for you and your sisters. ~~em

Very sorry Paula. What a mix of emotions to deal with. Also, feel better soon, that cold/flu is brutal stuff. amy