Pre- Op didn't go very well

Well, yesterday was my pre-op appointment and to say it didn't go well is an understatment. First of all we are getting the leftovers from Katrina and I had to drive 2 hours alone because my husband had to stay home incase he got called in for work. So I guess I spent the long drive feeling sorry for myself and feeling very alone. WhenI went to get my blood work done they had to poke me 3x so they decided to give me my IV in the neck when I have surgery-which scared me to death. Everyone at the hospital was very nice and explained everything completely to me. I needed to see my doctor @1 but I got done with my tests at 10:30 so Once again I had a lot of free time. I could have walked around all the little shops, but it was raining cats and dogs so that was out. I drove around for about an hour and a half and then decided to just go to the office and read the info the hospital had given me. Anyway, while I was sitting in the office there was a woman there talking about people she knew who had died from this operation. Needless to say by the time I got into the doctor's off I was having a panic attack. I normally have low blood pressure and it was high and my pulse was like I was running a marathon. I could just feel my heart pounding out of my chest. My hands were clammy and I was just shaking inside. I explained to the nurse what happened and she told the doctor. He was very nice about it. He spent some extra time with me going over the things that scared me. I did feel a little better by the time I left. But then I had the whole ride home to think some more. I know that this is what I want, but I am scared to death. Am I being selfish. What if something happens to me? And why do I feel so damn alone?

Wow Christine... What a day you had. I am so sorry it was so stressful for you. And I understand...cause I am on a huge rollercoaster of emotions right now. Crying at the drop of a hat (over gas prices! how stupid!) and on and on and on. I won't bore you. I don't think you are being selfish at all. From what I have read (by others who have had the surgery) you are going thru a normal period of adjustment before a major surgery and a huge lifestyle change. It's tough. Of course you're scared, this is completely foreign to you. You've never done this before and you're not 100% sure how it will turn out. I asked my psych about it and he said it is similar to having cold feet before getting married. You know this is right for you but that nagging voice in the back of your head keeps asking "Are you sure?" He said he would be concerned if we didn't have concerns. That would mean we didn't fully understand the surgery. His advice didn't make the nagging voice go completely away but it did make me realize that I'm not crazy. The thing I am trying to do is to keep my eye on the prize. I try to think of where I will be in a year if I do have the surgery and where I would be if I don't. That helps me alot. I also try not to think of the negative stories I have heard (that one is harder) because every surgery has huge risks. I'm sure heart patients hear stories of the ones who didn't make it yet they know they have to do it to save their lives. That is kind of my theory too. I know there are risks but I have to do this to save my life. I know you feel alone...I do too sometimes. Especially since I haven't told anyone but my husband and my kids. But please understand that there are people here who truly care about you and are going thru every step of this with you. Hang in there and don't give up. Peggy ~A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step~

That's what happens when you spend too much time thinking - I know a woman who used to refer to them as "roundy-round" thoughts, like a washing machine. And by the time you're through, you feel wrung out. You are aware of the risks, which is good. But don't focus on them. Yes, it *can* happen, and you'll deal with that if and when it does. But for MOST people, they come through a textbook surgery without a single problem and live happily ever after like a WLS fairy tale. No, you're not being selfish. This is a life-saving surgery and you are facing a SMALL risk of problems in the short term vs a LARGE risk of problems in the long run if you don't. What if something happens to you? Then it was meant to be, and your family will know that you died trying to make a better life for them. It's natural to be nervous and scared. If you weren't, then I might think there was something wrong with you. And the only reason you feel alone is because you spent too much time alone - let in the support you have, from your husband, your family, and from all of us here. You are NOT alone - click on the roster of members and see how many of us are going through this just like you. --BT

Christine I can relate completely with the way you feel, and having those bad days. However always stay focused on what will be best for you in the long run. You will be healthy so that you can run and play with your two year old, and not be tired all the time. That is one of my key motivations - my children. I am a single mother of a wonderful son who will be 13 in February, and a beautiful daughter who will be 6 in October. Fears are normal but if you have any faith remember "If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it". My surgery is tomorrow, and I think one thing that has helped me is that I have not had much time to worry. I have continued to work even today, and then the little ones keep me busy at home. If you need to talk please feel free to call me as we all have experienced or will experience what all WLS patients go through. My number is 678-908-7631 (Cell) Teena

Christine, I know how you feel! I was supposed to have my surgery Monday but my surgeon got sick, so now I'm September 12. Anyway, I arrived at the hospital Monday with a headache and a feeling that I was not going to survive the surgery. I had told my daughter on the way there where my Will was and my jewelry and important papers. When I got there and they said my surgery was canceled, part of me thought I would die of disappointment and part of me thought I'd die of relief! I know my surgeon has done close to 250 of these since he's been at the hospital where I'm having my procedure, and he has had one death, but it was a SMO man who'd had quadruple bypass, and they considered this procedure his only chance to live because his heart was so bad. Unfortunately, his heart didn't make it. So even though I know that, and I have had surgeries before, this one really scares me. But I want the result more than my fear of the procedure. All we can do is trust in God and pray!

It is so good to know that I'm not the only one feeling this way! It must be a normal part of the pre-op process. I guess the most important thing is remembering that we're doing this to become more healthy. I'll pray for you and ask you to pray for me!

Perhaps a good phrase to remember come from one of my favorite movies for Children: Finding Nemo. I do not know if you have seen the move but in one part a crazy fish called Dory is just singing away: Just keep swimming . It is a kinda anxious part of the movie and her way of dealing with her anxiety!! She is totally clueless I think but remember: Just keep Swimming and you will be fine. Best wishes. jacqueline

You are not selfish for wanting this life saving surgery. If you think about where you will be in a year if you have the surgery and where you will be in a year if you don't have the surgery I think it will ease your nerves a little. I know deep in my heart I need this surgery and the only thing that calms me is to think about a year out. I am having my surgery on September 19th. One minute I am on cloud nine the next minute I have to think about a year out. I will keep you in my prayers.