Help Needed--long post

I am really stressing!! Please excuse the length of this, but I feel the whole story is needed. Well over a year ago, my husband started looking into WLS. Because of procrastination, etc, he has not yet had the surgery. At the time, I was doing well with Atkins and had been down to about 210lbs....the lowest I had been in so many years. I was exercising and keeping with the Atkins program...it was a lot of work, but it was working...until my car accident. After my accident I had to stop exercising. I kept up with the diet, but the weight started coming back on. Being totally frustrated, I went off the diet and ended up right back where I started, plus some..now at 270. My primary care suggested I have WLS...I never viewed myself as being over weight enough to resort to surgery. I looked into it on a more personal level than I did when my husband was going to do it and made the decision to set a date. Okay, now I have been very excited and everyone has been behind me 100% until...... I went to Jandi's Health Food Store to get my liquid and chewable vitamins. I spoke with this incredible woman about vitamins without a lot of sugars and about foods other than jello and dairy that I could eat post-op. She was wonderful about providing information to take back to my doctor. I came to my family and a few friends very excited about the possibility of not having to suffer through jello and dairy (which I either hate or can not tollerate physically)...and they took me the wrong way. They started talking to me about how glad they were that I had decided to try something less drastic than surgery and how I did not have so much weight to loose that I neede to do anything but be serious about a diet. They reminded me of how well I did on Atkins and how I could do it again. Let me say that I love them either way...they misunderstood my natural info that I was bringing to them...but it is nice to know that they were totally supportive of the surgery even if they had their doubts. Now...what do I do?!?!?! I am having so many doubts now...have I given the other diets enough determination? I know I have tried so many in the past...did I just not stick with them long enough or well enough? And if I was not dedicated enough to them, what makes me think that I can be didicated enough to the work required after WLS? Also...everyone talks about WLS surger being a tool...Am I looking at the use of this tool wrong? I have been saying all along that I just do not find myself able to stop myself from eating the wrong foods. I have joked that if I were deathly allergic or had a friend tapping me on the shoulder all the time telling me no and being firm about that no...I would do fine. I was hoping that WLS would be that invisable friend that would be saying no and forcing me to say "Okay, I will choose something else to eat". Am I looking at this the right way? Also, am I crazy for thinking that I should resort to surgery when I have 120lbs to loose? The vast majority of the other WLS patients I come in contact with have about 200lbs to loose...or more. Do I qualify? I know it is a personal decision. I know I have to make it for myself. I know I have to pay attention to how I feel about the situation. I know, I know, I know...........=) Now, what do you all know? Does anyone out there have less than 200lbs to loose? Do you know of anyone who had WLS because they wanted to loose approx 120lbs? I would love to talk to them...I feel so depressed now...almost like the opportunity to finally loose has been taken away. If you are still with me...thanks! Trying to keep smiling, Donona

Donna, Hang in there I have about 150lbs to loose I don't know about you but I have diabetes, hypertension, my knees are shot all to you know where, SO FOR ME, I know that i have given, weigh****chers, atkins and everybody else a try and i have failed them. they didn't fail me i failed them. i need an extreme tool to better my quality of life. this time at least i shouldn't gain it all back and then some, i might even get below 250, which is the lowest i ever weighed in my adult life. Donna, this is just my story and yes you are right you must do this for yourself. what ever your decision is just know that you have many people behind you. if you choose not to have the surgery, it is up to you YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU the one thing that i have learned through all of this, is that i am doing this for me and no one else. hopefully, the rest of my family will benefit from a better me. HUGS and lots of prayers for you, debbie

First things first. you are doing this for YOU. Dont let anyones opinions affect your actions..Do what you feel is right in your heart.. I am 130 pounds overweight and I have hi blood pressure and asthma.. I imagine if I dont get this weight off it will only get worse from here.. So September 20th I will be having my surgery with the support of some (alot of strangers) and theres a few that just cant give me their blessing but owell....God wont bring you to what you cant get thru... Renee'

Hi Donna - I hear ya, and totally get your dilemma. I do have less than 200 to lose, but still it's about 150. I think it's totally a personal decision. I'm 48 - and this past year have finally to started to feel the toll the weight's taking on me - I've escaped it my whole life until now. I am very lucky to not really have any co-morbidities...yet. But my knees and feet are starting to give out on me. When I stand for a day of training, I feel like I need to stick them into ice buckets up to my thighs. I've tried everything...drugs, hypnotism, you name it. I've attended seminars at 3 different NY hospitals. At 2 of them, they gave the scenario of the "average" WLS candidate...someone who has tried every diet/regime in the book, maybe could carry off some of them for extended periods, then gained back the weight plus more. They both said that the chance of anyone who has 100 lbs or more to lose (and to maintain that loss) using conventional will power/dieting is less than 4%. They also said that the main reason they think WLS surgery works for as many people as it does in the long term is that it gives people a chance to remember what being a LOT thinner feels like and how it affects their entire life - physically, emotionally and socially. And the one factor they see in common with long-term maintenance in WLS folks is exercise - and they think that when someone has lost 100+ pounds, the chances of them feeling like moving and keeping moving is what the surgery really accomplishes for them. They also said the restriction really helps people who never feel full...that's me. For me personally, I was doing very well for a couple of months recently while practising getting ready for my new life post-WLS. My surgery is scheduled for 9/30. And then my old habits kicked in again. Today I am at work, and just took my lunch break. No one's here, so I'm dressed in shorts, etc. There's a street fare outside, and I picked up a gyro, a lemonade, and a Starbucks grande Mocha Frappuccino. I just finished all of them...and I'm busting out of my shorts. I feel like a sausage. And I thought "soooo...been considering backing of surgery, huh?" The restriction should definitely help me out with quantities, at least during the honeymoon period. My nutrionist said that it's being conscious during the honeymoon period (she said it's typically 11-18 months) and really getting lifestyle changes in place and engrained, that makes the difference as well. I too fear that my old habits will cause me to ultimately gain back everything. But I'm hopeful that this drastic measure will help me remember what it's like to be thinner...I have not been that way since 5th grade. I'm going to continue to put one foot in front of the other and call on all my research, work with my therapist, nutrionist, support groups live and online, to help me use this tool. I hope it's doesn't sound like I'm trying to sway you to have surgery...we each have to weigh (pun intended) the pros and cons for our situation. I wish you well, and some peace of mind! Regards, Mary Mc

Mary, Thanks so much for that!! Ihave less than a 4% chance of losing and keeping weight off by myself?!?! That is just aggrevating!!! I am only 39 right now. But I am the mirror image of my mom at this age and do not want to take her same path. I see what problems she has...how much more difficult her life is because of her weight. I can't take that path. I appreciate the exercise bit...I have always known that if some fairy would sparkle some special dust on me and make me 150lbs or so that I would never let myself work back up anywhere near 200lbs!!! I giess my surgeon is my magical fairy...he is going to require a bit of work from me, but I am no stranger to hard work. I actually love to exercise...but it is just too hard now. Yes, this WLS will be a great tool in getting me down to where I can exercise. I did forget to write that I have no co-morbitities. Asthma and a slightly irregular heartbeat since birth. But, like you, my knees and ankles are starting to complain. So are my back and shoulders. I guess I don't rate my problems up there with high blood pressure and diabetes. Maybe that's what my problem is...I don't feel 'sick' enough? From reading all the posts and emails in response to my post, I am feeling better...knowing that I am not the only one under 300lbs willing to have WLS. Thanks again, Donna

Dear Donna, Wow! You sound like I feel. When I was married 22+ years ago I weighed a whopping 115 lbs. Today I weigh 235. I am about 5' 2" tall. When someone finds out I am having WLS they say"you are not big enough" I get so tired of hearing that. Depression is in my family, I have been on anti- depressants for about 10 years. If it wasn't for the grace of God ,I don't know that I would be here today. I unfortunately do have co-morbidities. I am a insulin dependent diabetic, I give myself about 4 shots in the stomach every day. I have sleep apnea and go to bed every night wearing this mask which forces air down my airway. I am maxed out on my blood pressure meds. I had congestive heart failure 2 years ago. I am only 45 years old!! But I feel as though I am 70. Last week I put my youngest daughter in college. I now have no kids at home. I will be moving right after my surgery. I have many issues myself. I want to make a deal with you....you help support me and I will support you. We have the same surgery date. I am having my surgery at Texas Tech University Hospital in Lubbock, TX. I too have been on every fad diet that comes around. Yes this is a personal choice. For me I honestly feel like it is a life or death decision. Only you know if it is right for you. But I will be here to support you 150%. I am good friends with several people who have had this surgery, the one thing that I can guarantee you is that there is no guarantees. We have to follow exactly what our doctors say to do. If we cheat we are only cheating ourselves. Everybody seems to come through these surgeries their own way. It's not the same with everybody. So do we have a deal? We can follow up with each other. Feel free to email me anytime.... I'll keep you in my prayers. God Bless Val

Go Red Raiders!!!! LOL I lived in Lubbock for a while when I was a child...over near the loop on 12th Street. That is about all I remember!! Except for not being able to buy alcohol on Sundays!! Am I dating myself? LOL Was it Madison Jr High? We were also the Red Raiders. Such memories!!! Anyway, back to the subject at hand...we have a deal!!! And we are having surgery on the same date!! Thank you...and all the other ladies that replied...I am feeling so much better now after hearing from people in my similar situation. I was really feeling like 120lbs was not obese enough...I am 5'8", but it is still to much to carry. Okay, here we gooooooooooo........only 27 more days to our rebirth-day!! Thanks again Val...I will be chatting with you agian soon!! Love, Donna

HUGS Donna You do this for yourself, no one else. Yeah my family thinks I'm taking the extreme route also, and they'd probably be thrilled if I chose something else, but I've been on the high protein/low carb diet for 2 years now, had lost 70 lbs and got down to 295, then fell, messed up my knee (sound familiar?) couldn't exercise and gained 50 of it back, while still eating the same diet! I just can't seem to get it off now to save my life! I look at this as a tool to get myself healthy enough to have the life I want. I DO have co-morbidities, sleep-apnea, arthritis, fibromyalgia (not a morbidity but WILL improve with the weight loss), asthma, a family history of diabetes and a history of gestational diabetes with my one daughter... with all this, I was a shoo in for surgery, esp with a BMI over 50, but it boiled down to me deciding that this is what I feel is best for me and for my children... no one else can decide that but me. I'll be behind you no matter what! HUGS Rachel

Thanks Rachel!! You have such a friendly face--you look like you are always smiling!! I think I was (am?) just concerned that I made the decision too quickly. It is not in my nature to not put a lot of thought process into major decisions. I think about it now with the help from you and so many nice people and realize that I had been thinking about it for the entire year or so that my husband was investigating the surgery. Although it was not for myself, I did not have to spend the extra time finding out info like a lot of people on this board had to do. People on here talk about spending months fact finding and working with their insurance companies...I suppose I need to count myself lucky, not neglectful, that I had taken care of all that before I thought about having surgery for myself!! Sorry...I am rambling!!! Good Luck to you Rachel...only 9 more days!!! Are you excited? I will be watching for your post-op posts!! Thanks again, Donna

Thank you Donna! I've been told by many that I encourage them without saying a word because I smile so much, look at the bright side so often, etc... my social worker for medicaid and food stamps told me that he loved seeing me knowing what kind of pain I live in, the difficulty of raising 3 small children alone with nothing but $1000 a month for the 4 of us to live on, and knowing that I'm doing it all with a smile on my face and a hug for someone with "lesser problems" (he called it that, not me) I don't know if he realized it, but it encouraged me for someone to find my attitude towards life encouraging... strange isn't it? I know what you mean about having the info beforehand and then the decision seems fast. I went to my initial consult and started the process for surgery that day. But although THAT part was fast, I had been thinking about it for 4 years before making that decision. The first three I had a husband *****fused to let me have the surgery, but I did fact finding anyway. The last year I was adjusting to being divorced, having 3 kids by myself, etc... you know, trying to get everything in order? Then realized part of my issue was my health. I couldn't get it together because I'm sick all the time because of my weight.. so, I'm doing something about it to give us all a better life! What's even better, I decided that going to work in some form would be beneficial to the children also because we would have more than $1000 a month to live on (I had wanted to homeschool) And today, I started my new job! Couldn't help telling a few people about my surgery either, I'm so excited for it! They are all being supportive of it already and one is even taking me out for lunch to "welcome me to the team" this week because he knows afterwards I won't be able to eat! LOL... Well, I'm beyond exhausted. I want to finish up here and get to bed at a mostly reasonable hour... 5:45 comes very early for a night owl like me! HUGS Rachel PS You have a very friendly and welcoming face also... you have a feel of someone I've been friends with a long time but just haven't met yet!