for anyone having nervous thoughts

I was looking around reading post of 'losers' who were one, two, three months out. The few days and especially the night before their surgery, a lot of them were getting very nervous. Someone, and I am sorry I lost her original post along with her name...it was Marcy something....decided to calm her nerves by writing a list of resons to have the surgery and reasons not to. She ended up with 5 pages pro surgery and one...being scared...against. Here is a partial listing of reasons to have surgery...I am printing it out and having it available for whenever I am having second thoughts! Enjoy, Donna THINGS I HATE ABOUT BEING FAT. Can't ride rides at amusement parks. can't shop in normal stores. can't wear necklaces. can't play sports. can't walk long distances. can't stand very long. can't socialize easily. can't be myself. can't fly on a plane. can't play with my kids. can't wear normal shoes. getting lectured by doctors. people feeling sorry for me. not being able to CHOOSE The clothes I like. not being comfortable in public. eating in public. always tired. fat fingers. fat feet. fat ugly face. big boobs. big ugly bras. can't fit in stadium seating. giant stomach. kids calling me fat. kids asking why I'm fat. saying no to the kids when they want me to play. boothes at retaurants. taking up too much space at the movie theatre and the person next to me not being able to use their armrest. not having fun at the zoo because I'm in so much pain. headaches. boobs laying on my face while laying down. not sleeping comfortabley. heartburn anxiety over health. I'm what I swore I would NEVER be. (severly obese) teaching my kids poor eating habits. people not respecting me. men Todd's disinterest in me. huge butt. people assuming I'm lazy. Embarassed to go to Tay's classroom because I'm the fat mom. getting pics taken. people showing my pics to their friends and family. feeling stupid. feeling pathetic. feeling less than. feeling ugly. retaining water. blood pressure; meds everyday. taling Paxil sore feet. cramps. heavy arms. never feeling pretty. not feeling like a girl anymore..genderless. stereotypes. stares. stairs. kids staring. low self esteem. being different. bingeing stomach aches from gorging on food. no self control. not caring how I look. seeing people I haven't seen in long time. bladder incontinence. getting up from sitting. saggy boobs people not taking me seriously bras wear out too fast. public pools and beaches. creaking knees. sore joints hard to use tampons. pimples B.O. smelly boobs smelly legs sores under boobs in the summer. uncomfortable in hot weather. being jealous of everyone I know. being the fattest person in the room. being the fattest person in my family. feeling dirty. looking in the mirror. huge arms.

Oh Donna, I am so with you there. I was just writing in my journal and the first words that i said were that it was becoming difficult for me to concentrate on anything other than counting down the 5 weeks or 35 days till my surgery. (Sept 19th) I have university work coming out of all my body parts but i just cant seem to get it going because i am so occupied by this. I am getting nervous more than scared and it comes up in conversation all the time which then throws me to think about it again. I know i need to concentrate on something else but hey i know that someone else is going through this as well. I agree with every one of the things on your list and i cant wait particularily for the day when all the staring and laughing about me can stop and they will be looking for all the right reasons and not the wrong ones. Good Luck with your journey Allyson Lap RNY Sydney Australia

Allyson, I really don't like talking about having surgery with many people. I have a few 'safe' people I can talk to, but the others are either so against it or are so free with their outloud wonderings about why it took me so long... I like this board. Everyone is supportive and realistic. No one blindly says that we will be fine and they are always there to remind us that we have a lot of work ahead of us. But then they are able to tell us about that wonderful light at the end of the tunnel that makes it all soooooo worth while!!! We are going in together...Sept 19th...43 more days!!! It seems like such a long time...yet right around the corner!! Good Luck...and keep in touch, Donna

Hi, my name is Lori and my surgery date is Sept 1st.....22 days to gp!!! My sister had the RNY a year ago last March........she looks great, feels great, and has her life back. I love your list and I printed it out for me. I never have thoughts about not doing it just thoughts about what I am going to do after I start loosing. My husband is of normal weight and I never have been. I was 218 when we got married and now I am 316, we've been married 11 years! We used to love to go dancing and thats number one on my list.....I want my husband to twirl me all around the floor. The song Dance with Me by George Straight has become my theme song. Good Luck will watch for your posts. Lori Chapel Hill, NC

I am completely on the same page as you. I am extremely nervous, and but at the same time I just can't wait. It seems like it is forever away, but I know that it will come sooner than I expect. I have to get started with school, and get everything ready for my sub. And I have to get everything ready at home. I don't know how to explain to my 4 year old that I am having surgery. I still have a lot of people that I haven't told about the surgery because of their opinions. I am also wondering if the Dr. is testing enough on me before my surgery. All he has required of me is a psych evaluation. Nothing else. I don't have any co-morbidities that I am aware of, but I am very nervous that there might be something that will show up during surgery to cause a complication. ( I guess I have been on the memorial page too often). I am worried about blood clots( I don't remember the technical term). Sorry I have rambled on. I am very happy to be having the surgery, but I am also nervous too. Jill

LOL Jill...ramble away...it means we have more in common!!! LOL I don't know about telling my kids, either. My husband is suppose to have the surgery this month, so I am hoping all goes well and I can use him as an example. It sounds horrible, but him being in the hospital will be nothing new to them...but me being there will be hard on them, I'm sure. I do know that I am not going to tell my 5 year old before I go in. She worries and has such a vivid imagination. I am planning on telling her that I am going to see the doctor and then let her daddy tell her that the doctor decided that it was best to keep me in the hospital for a few days just to keep an eye on me. She is young enough to think that doctors are as good as God and whatever they say is good. As far as your tests... You, Allyson, and I are all on the same date!! That is great! I don't know what Allyson has had done, but I have already had a lot of tests done because my original date was to be August 19th. I had the psych eval, EKG, chest xray, and something that I forget the name of...you lay there with a gown on and drink this chalky drink. They took pictures of me while I drank to watch what my esophagas and stomach did. Then they took computer action clips...it was neat to be able to watch the drink go down and see what all my parts did with the liquid!! I also had a gyn eval because of irregular bleeding. I did a full blood workup--but it all has to be redone now because the results have to be within 30 days of the surgery. I would call your surgeons office and ask...I am sure they will have you do more testing. As for the blood clots...my doctor has his patients wear special toe to knee boots that massage and squeeze after surgery until they are up and walking to prevent clotting. Good Luck and keep us up to date!! Donna

Must be something about Australia but the only testing that i have done is a blood test when i first went to see the surgeon. No psych evaluation, not one test so i am happy about that. Although i am now on a pre op liquid diet which is ok i am not enjoying it but not pain no gain i guess. Yep not long to go now

I just wanted to tell you guys that it is nice to read posts from others who are only one day before me! I am also nervous... although i am not sure it is about the surgery but about what life will be like afterwards. Lets keep up the conversation so that the time will fly!! hugs to you both debbie

Debbie, I am nervous about what will come after September as well. But you know what? We have put up with so much crap from other people and from what we do to ourselves because of our weight! I think of the past 10 years of my life and can't help but think that the time it takes me to get used to a new way of eating and living cannot be as difficult as the past. But, you know, even if it is harder than I thought...it will end!! And when it ends, I will not have to endure all the pain any longer. I think with that in mind, I can go through an awful lot. I am so looking forward to a new way of life where food is not an issue. I just don't enjoy food as much as I use to anymore...because I know that it is because of what I do with food that put me in this place. It is funny...I have a friend who is deathly allergic to dairy and a few other things. She ended up in anaphalactic (sp?) shock after taking a drink from her husbands coffee that had a creamer in it. She is cool about it...it has been this way since she was a baby. I joked with her about how I could easily stay away from donuts and ice cream if I knew I would become so ill. Then, a few months later, I learn about this surgery. We have an allergy...instead of anaphalectic shock, we swell up and the swelling never goes away. Sounds a bit odd in writing...but it is something that has worked for me!! LOL Keep in touch!!! Smile, Donna

Wow, Donna - what a great, honest list! I'm planning on making a list too...in "Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies" one of the suggestions was to make a list like this, to remind myself why I'm doing this in the first place. They say it's useful when you're feeling bad about a plateau and can't remember what it was like before you started to lose. They also suggested making a wish list of what your goals would...I'm planning on putting roller blading on mine. Right now I'm terrified that when I fall I couldn't get up! Forget about hurting myself, the embarassment would kill me! Thanks for your openness...I wish you all the best! Mary