42 days to go, getting very nervous....

I am having rny lap on September 12, I know other people are on or close to that date. Anyone else nervous? I know that seems like a ridiculous question, everyone should be a little. I feel like i have experienced so many failures relating to weight issues in the past...There is so many people out there, with so many different stories. I guess it can be overwhelming at times. I am terrified of "head hunger", and not getting my supplements and water in, or the protein in, or cooking for my family and not eating with them, of feeling like an outsider....please tell me I am not alone in these feelings.

Hi Sandra, You're not alone in these feelings!!! I'm wondering where the motivation to cook for my children is going to come from when I can't eat what I'm making... I'm wondering if I'm going to get jealous of their hamburger while I'm sucking down a protein shake, etc... I'm nervous about this coming up so fast (I have to stop taking some meds after tomorrow!) and what that means for me and my children. I'm nervous about the chance that this could be fatal and what my kids would be told about me if I were to die (although that's a minor concern because I'm going to live and thrive) I'm nervous about the life change that this is going to be, and even about sitting at the table with my family on Thanksgiving and watching everyone around me eat while I sit there with my spoonful of mashed potatoes and bite of turkey! But what brings me back down is that this is for my health, this is something I am doing for myself and for my children. I am not doing this for vanity, but for longevity. I'm not doing this for frivolous reasons, but because losing this weight will give my children a mommy whose quality of life is improved enough that she can run with them at the park. I'm doing this for them as much as for me... that's why I will succeed. I will do anything in my power to give those children everything they deserve in life... and one thing that will impact them the most is a happy and healthy mother... so it would actually be selfish of me to NOT have this done... it would be irresponsible to not take this step to better my health and their lives... when I think that way, the nervousness doesn't disappear, but it doesn't overwhelm me anymore. It's a healthy check in reality reminding me that I am human and that my brain is still rational and functioning properly... to be honest, if you weren't nervous, I'd think there was something wrong with you... you just have to find YOUR positive reason, the thing that keeps you focused on why you are having this done and concentrate on it so that when the nerves pop up you can say to yourself "I'm doing this becasue I deserve this" or "My children deserve a healthy mommy" or even "I want to be healthy for a change and if this is the only way to do it, then I'll be healthy because of it." Make a sign, put it on your mirror so you see it first thing in the morning... "I deserve a healthy life, this surgery will give me that chance" It will go far for fighting away the overwhelming nervousness and keep it in a healthy balance. You can write to me anytime... I love being a cheerleader! Huggles Rachel

Rachel, thank you so much for your kind words, they did help! I usually feel pretty ok with surgery, but occasionally "wig out"! lol Thanks for helping me put things in perspective. Sandy

Anything for you Sandy, and anyone else reading this! I know about the wig out... I did that earlier today when I was lying around in pain and going through withdrawal symptoms from some of my more potent medications. At that moment it hit me that I am having surgery in a month... wow... it almost seems intimidating but is still exciting... fortunately, I have my oldest starting Kindergarten the last week of August, a few days before my surgery, so I have preparation and "back to school" duties to help distract me a little bit! I just hope they work! LOL.. Anytime you need me, give me a hollar! Huggles Rachel

Hey Sandra and Rachel, Yep September is sure coming like a freight train on full ball. Lol. And beleive me you are not alone Sandra. Some days i am great and i am positive and feeling very invincable about the surgery and then there are other days where i have this 'oh heck how am i going to cope with all the changes, i feel like i am going to fall apart ,maybe this isnt right for me should i try something else'. It is hard when you are losing weight you have so many failures that it is so hard to think about wow i am actually not going to fail this time and there is another side. But sometimes i agree those thoughts just get a little louder. One interesting things was last night when i was talking to my dad who had just gone to my brothers place for a guys night. My brother was also overweight and lost 60 kilos through becoming a gym junkie and a diet fanatic and while my brother is so against me having this surgery one of his best friends said to my dad last night that he liked my brother better when he was big. That is my biggest concern is that when i lose weight will i become like my brother. I hope not but i dont want to strain relationships. I am scared about the other stuff to a point but i know that i am in good hands surgically but psychologically i am not sure what the future holds and that is my biggest concern. SOrry ladies just having my daily 'wig out' Allyson