Boyfriend Feels regected

He wants me to move in with him. My daughters are saying Hell no. I need to live alone and find out whats out there. They have never meet this wonderful man. David is doing wonderful. He did move out. and took one of the dogs. Doggys are very sad, My family is treating me like **** they have disowned me. Daughters are supported. David said he will pay me allomoney because of my medical condition I need alot of meds and medicare only covers 80% Do you guys think I should ask for some of his retirement. he is in the airforce reserves and a cement mason . and both have very good pensions. I feel after 16 years im intiled to some of that Please advise. Thanks Hugs and love to each and everyone of you loving friends. I do want to meet you all Hugs Barb

Hi Barb, I hope you don't move in with the guy. ONly because I think you need to get on your own feet. If he's as wonderful as you say, this isn't going to be a problem. Remember -- don't go from one problem to another. Give it time. As for the retirement, I suggest you go to a good divorce lawyer. Although having said that, I do believe that once lawyers get involved things can get really bad!! I don't know about your state, but some states are 50-50 on all community property including retirement as long as it was earned while you were married. I do believe that you are entitled to it. But remember, it probably would go away if you got remarried (I think that is true in most states). Also, the retirement would only be for the years you were married, that is 16 and if he works till he's 65 or so you don't get anything until that time (of course) and then only 16 years worth. We just went through this with Greg's first wife and his Army retirement so I know that is how the Army does it. Good luck Barb, I hope that in spite of all this turmoil, with family, etc. you can have a peaceful Christmas. love donna

Hi Barb, I don't know the laws of Ohio, but when Bob got divorced in Nevada, he had to give up 5% of his pension to his ex. It would have been more, but they negotiated because she was the one that had the affair. I know you've been in the marriage for a long time, but, do you feel you deserve part of his pension regarding the cir****tances? Maybe a reduced rate or something like that. Are you on a disability? You can apply for social security due to your heart and will have medicare, etc. I can't make this call for you only you can. Are you getting the house? Get a lawyer, doing it yourself can be a ***** and end up hurting both of you in the end. Since there's no kids involved, that's good. I wish you luck, but, like Donna said, stay on your own for now. Don't jump from one bed to the other...give yourself time to breathe and get to know yourself as just you, with no one around. As far as family disowning you...I have had a feud with one of my sisters this week and I now decided that I will no longer keep negative people in my life. It's too damm stressful and I'm in a good place in my life. I'm ridding all that crap, even if they are blood. Enjoy your holidays. Paula

Yes I am on social security. Thank god for that. I get 1090.00 a month. I worked many years and deserve that. since im not able to work. Putting up with Daves being so cruel for so many years. I feel i desreve some of his pension and even some allomony. He agreed to pay allomony because he knows i need many pills each month. My family I am sick of my sisters and my dad putting their nose in my business. They are not walking in my shoes. I have washed my hands of them as well. Until they can learn how to treat me with respect. Take Care Barb

Barb, Heres my advice for what it is worth.... I believe in the 6 month rule, whenever you end a relationship of any sort give it 6 months before moving on to anything, give it time to fester and sort it's self out. Find out who you are and what you want and such and in 6 months if you want to move in with the bf still do so if not then don't...Live for Barb now and from now on. As far as the pension I think if your legally entitled to it take it, you earned it or they wouldn't give it to you. Kids and dogs adjust eventually too it's just new and different right now I love you barb and wish you only the best and only you can decide what that is , and I will support you no matter what you decide. Big Hugs, Shel

Only you know what's best as far as your boyfriend. I will say that if it were me I would not jump from the frying pan into the fire. I would live on my own. As for the retirement - in NYS it's a 50/50 thing. Should you take your share - Yup it's yours and you're going to need it. I wish you a blessed and peaceful holiday. Micha

Give yourself time. Tell your bf that you have not been by yourself in __ __ years and you want to try it for a while. ( after all who says he can't visit... lol ) As far as the alimony I would take it as long as he is offering it and also the pension. You could always put it away for a rainy day so when you really need it you will have it. Tell your family they haven't been in your shoes so they don't know what you have been thru . If they can't give you support you don't need the negativity... Good Luck, Sandy