Joining the pity party!!!

Hi Erin hey can I join your party? the more the merrier? I've been a little lonely in my own little party and honestly it's good to know that I'm not totally alone and feeling sorry for myself. I have lost over 130 pounds and so many people compliment me on how wonderful I look but I just don't see it...I feel it because I am able to do so much more than a year ago. I don't feel attractive (hence the reason I still haven't put a picture up on this site) and I am going through an internal depression...no one would know it to look at me but I am just so unhappy. My divorce was final on Sept 22nd after 3 horrendous years and I've been seeing someone for about 2 years - well that ended Sunday night. I haven't told anyone (except you guys) because I am embarassed about it...he and I didn't get into anything serious we just chose to end the relationship for the best I am (of course) blaming myself entirely for a number of reasons - am I too needy? too serious? too fat? not good enough for him? all questions I can't answer but I am beating myself up over it. So what did I do??? I went pumpkin picking yesterday with my friend and her daughter - I bought homemade pumpkin bread at one of the farms - last night I ate a HUGE piece! granted one piece is better than what I would have done b4 surgery (I would have eaten the entire loaf then) it was so good going down but now of course I am kicking myself for eating it and hating myself even more for not having control. I have tried therapists...they don't work for me...I have this mindset to only tell them what I want them to know or what I think they want to hear and that won't help me but I can't seem to get passed it. Maybe now that I've had my stomach operated on I should find a doctor to operate on my head - the mental part of this sucks. I have babbled and rambled enough - maybe I just needed to vent - maybe this is something that happens when we are out a year? - who knows - but if it helps you, you're NOT alone...I'm standing right next to you at the same party. Love, Linda

Linda.... Girl here is a BIG (((((((((((((((( HUG )))))))))))))))))) for you!!!!! We have been through so much.. and honestly the world doesn't stop. .and neither can we. Last night I had coffee with a friend and that helped my spirits.. today I went back to the gym and that helped ALOT... I up'ed my protein intake.....and I spent some quality time with myself yesterday and today.. and you know what.... I LIKE MYSELF! I would choose to be my friend!!! So I'm reaching out to some new people I think can help me through my internal mess... I can't fix this mess overnight but I can take baby-steps everyday to try and get where I want to be. Who knows if I'll ever be where I want to be,, but if everyday I make strides to get there.... I'm here for you WHEN EVER you need me!!!! XXOO Erin

thank you for that response I was a little better yesterday - I too am increasing my protein intake and decreasing my BAD BAD food intake ... honestly I haven't really eaten anything all that bad but I feel as tho I am CONSTANTLY eating. I thought I liked myself until something happened...the worst part is...I'm not really sure WHAT happened. Things will be fine and fall back into place and my head will catch up with my body (I hope, maybe?? ) Anyway! I am seriously considering going back into therapy and convincing myself to be very honest with myself and the therapist...we'll see how that goes. Thanx again! hugsssssssssssssssss....Linda

Hi Linda, I'm sorry about the relationship stuff. Try to take it easy on yourself. Also try not to worry so much about the eatting. At one year out, things are changing. I know I can eat a lot more than I could a few months ago--it scares me. My slips are more frequent. But try to look at it this way. Pumpkin bread is actually probably good for you. Lots a nutrients your body might need. Sure the sugar isn't the best, but if it doesn't make you dump. Why worry. Just monitor your weight and if you gain, cut back. Hang in there