My stressful week

Well, it's not weight loss related...but, I have to share... I have a background of having panic attacks and lots of anxiety and it's gotten so bad at times, that I had agoraphobia and didn't leave the house for years at a time. (all prior to having kids) Almost everyone in my family has it and it's now thought to be a genetic disposition with some brain chemical being messed up. So, with that said...this past week...month, actually has been very stressful and hurtful for me. My 6 year old son (first grade) seems to have inherited my awful genes and has this anxiety disorder. He's afraid to leave me and go to school or any social or other function if I'm not going to be there to stay with him. He cries every morning and complains of an upset stomach. It just breaks my heart becasue I was just like him when I was little. The teachers are telling me he's fine once he gets to school, but he tells me he feels "sick and sad inside" and watches the clock all day long so that time will go by and get closer to "going home time" where he feels safe. I drove him to school one day this week and it was worse than having him take the bus. He wouldn't let me go and was hysterical. Out in the school yard, hysterical...I brought him back in the school and hysterical in the halls...Found his Kindergarten teacher that dealt with him last year and was compassionate about it but that didn't help...still hysterical (now I'm hysterical) we go to his classroom and his teacher opens the door, tells him to get a tissue, hands me one and tells me that he's fine once he stops crying. THANKS LADY! I went through this as a kid and it just doesn't go away with the ending of crying. It's eating him up inside. I go walking out of school hysterically crying/sobbing and sit in my car like that for ten minutes cause I feel I've ruined my kid with my genes. My daughter who's 8 is totally different...Head strong, confident and very self starting and independent. Not a worry... Thank GOD! My little guy, however, is more like me, very sensitive and worrisome. It took me YEARS of therapy, moving to a different state to get it, to help me. And, once I had kids, I had to put my irrational thoughts aside and care for my kids. I'm not saying I never have a panic attack...I still have many...and I'm still on a disibility because of them, but, they are better. I have to make it cause my family needs me. So, I went to swim class, relieved some stress and when I got home, got on the computer and phone and found a child psychologist that specializes in this (an hour's ride away) and got my son in the next day for an intake. He also had two hours of psych testing to rule out every possible thing...He did well. Except, he wouldn't let me leave the testing room and go to the waiting room, so I had to sit in the corner! Anxiety and separation anxiety and he's going to start therapy with another child psych that they feel would be a good fit for him. She does play therapy and will hopefully pull out of him why he's so fearful of leaving me and help him gain some confidence and not be so afraid to leave me and the safety of home. So, what does the kid do yesterday??? We go to school for a back to school harvest party and he's running all over the school, in and out of the gym to cafeteria to outside playing the games and having a blast! Well, Mom and Dad and sister were there with him along with his friends, but, we were proud of him! He just didn't stand by my side the whole time like he's done in the past. So, I've had up and down emotions that exhausted me this week. I lost my appetite on some of those days, and was led to eat one evening past 8. I made popcorn and ate more than one popped cup. More like half a mixing bowl! I need to feed my feelings this time. I've found a new love for the Edy's no sugar added frozen fruit bars. They are delish. I'm stuck at 202-205 (my surgeon's goal for me) but I want to get to 175 someday. I'm in no hurry, but I can't seem to get under 200... Time for a change in eating, more protein and some good carbs and up my heart rate in exercise again... I have lost inches since water exercise started....People are commenting that I look even smaller. So, that was my week. It's awful to see your child suffer. And at times, I feel guilty cause I get SO frustrated with him and can't take it anymore. But, I have to hold on to my patience and remember how I used to feel when I had the same thing and be compassionate with him. I'm going to have to be firm with him, though. It's the only way that he's going to keep going and get over it. Thanks for reading/listening...I needed to share..sorry if I've been absent here this week. Just no energy to post. paula

Paula, So sorry to hear you had such a stressful week. When this little girlI used to babyset went through the seperation anxyinty we went and got some cross stitch thread and made her a special bracelet, nothing fancy, just red,black, and yellow string. We explained to her each color had a meaning, Red to remind her she was always in mommy's heart and mommy was always in hers,Black to remind her that everyone has those dark gloomy days and it's okay not to always have a "good" day, and the yellow was to help remind her that no matter how gloomy it seemed the sunny bright "good" days will return. She had that bracelet from the time she was 6 till she was 9, then one day it was just gone, we thought she lost it, and she never said anything so we just let it go...She had a baby about 6 months ago (yes I'm that old...lol) and when she was introducing me to her son she brought up the braclet, she still has it in a box and she dug it out while she was pregnant and kept it in her purse till he was born. She said she uses it very little but it's nice to know it's there to remind her of the love and strenghth she has in life. Maybe you could do something like this for your son? I was just the opposite when I was younger , I was the strong independant bully type so when I started to do less and less my mom thought it was just a phase, at times I wish she had been a bit tougher on me. You will get through this and so will he, after all he is your son and you have been through this so you know how to help him. Take the time you need for you just don't share it with the popcorn, eat the cup and then go for a walk or something, you didn't come this far just to backslide did you? We are all family here and we all love you, Vent any time you need to ((((((Hugs))))) Shel

Hi Paula, My heart goes out to you. I truly understand. My kids are all grown now (23 & 25) but I remember very well when they were little. I taught my kids never to go with strangers and all that and I taught them a little too well - so well that my son wouldn't leave me either. I always had to be near by. He wouldn't go outside to play unless I went outside with him. You know. Finally his doctor sent him too, for therapy and it helped him. It took time but it worked. We all went to Disney World when they were little and he and my daughter were on the space mountain ride and just before it started he jumped out of the seat because he was afraid of the man behind him. Yes, he had me to thank for being like that. But he outgrew it. really. Another time he went to school in the morning and packed all his books and when he came home he told me he wasn't going back to school. That I was going to teach him. That was on a Friday and then next Monday morning he went to school. We look back on it now and laugh. Now he's fine. As a matter of fact he just got engaged over labor day week end. Paula, Things will work out. But we, as mothers, don't want them to feel the pain that we felt. We would rather it happen to us then them. Hang in there. Boys are so much more different than girls. His kindergarten teacher once told me that boys are like fine wine. They take time to mature. And that is so true. But I truly believe all boys never grow up. Hang in there. Koukla

Paula, I absolutely love your openness and honesty about this subject. I do not have anyone that is close to me that goes through it, but my dh's aunt is agoraphobic, and I have never met her because of it. I applaude your ability to recognize the problem in your son, and not be defensive about it...I think you are a wise mother for immediately seeking help when it has gotten to the point that you can no longer control it. My dh and I will be praying for you and your son. Please keep us updated on his progress with this therapist and your progress with it also, because even though you are taking him, in a way you will be receiving the therapy also. ~~em

Bless your heart! I'll be thinking of you this week... Pam

Hi Sweet friend, you've been missed! I've wondered about you, but I haven't been around much either so I didn't have a chance to chase you down! You are such a good person Paula, and a fantastic mother This is so hard for you right now, I know that. Ugh, I wish I could tell you that when kids grow up and become adults it goes away (their hurts), but it doesn't I have one daughter who doesn't call me as much as my other one. Kim calls me almost every day, sometimes more. Traci calls well maybe once a week. But almost always when Traci calls it is for a 'problem' she is going through. Now mind you she is 41 and has six kids of her own!! But she still calls 'mom' for these problems. And oh my gosh, I just ache when she has things going on. It's hard!! Paula, I know this is going to sound funny, but I am so thankful that you had/have panic attacks too. It makes it so much easier for you to know what your son is going through. I mean you really feel his pain, like what you said about when the tears stop the pain is still there. I would have probably said something like what the teacher said too, since I don't have experience. Hang in there Paula. You're a good mother. I don't know if it will get easier, but I truly believe that you will get stronger and so will your son. love you! donna

Paula, I am wishing you luck with your son. I worry about my son all the time. He has been a handful since he was born. I swear he is the poster child for everything a kid could do wrong. I always feel so guilty like i am not a good mom, but then i see my daughter and know that she has been easy so i must do something right. But i also worry with him about depression. He is 9. Sometimes I see things in him that make me worry, like never being happy with anything...always calling some one names...talking about hurting things... See my dad suffered from manic depression and my husbands brother committed sucide at 26. So my son is getting it from both sides. He has trouble with making friends.. so I am affraid he will be easily influenced when he is older b/c he is now... I guess you can say my son is sort of like denise the menace..that best describes him... I dont worry about my daughter as much, she has always made friends easy and is always happy. I love justyn so much he has a sweet heart, I just worry about him. I am glad you taken a step to get him councling now before he gets much older..hopefully it will help it now. Good luck with this and take care of yourself. heidi

Paula, First of all no two kids are alike. I have 2 one is a perfect angel. The other has was always needy. From what I am reading you need to get him some help. I wish I had done this for my daughter when she was young. She got her addictions from me and my exhusband. She turned to drugs. And now is fully involved with her program and doing wonderful for over 2 years. Alot of what I did was enable her. I always cleaned up her troubles. Never made it hard on her. I didnt relize i was doing this until I lost her to the drugs. Then thats when I had to stop. It took so long to know I was loving her to death. That is what it is called. Once I let her go she came back. I took full custody of her children and booted her. Now she has her children and is a wonderful mom . I am so proud of her. Any troubled child. I would try to help them young. You do not want to have trouble with these children when they are older. Is he in any sports? Cub scouts so on. Does he have friends. Maybe he hates school. My grandson pulls that every year with the stomach ache. We all have him figured out. The nurses do to. Is your husband truly envoled in his life. There is alot of ways to get around this. He is young. I would work with a child proffessional and know one else. I would try to avoid medications as long as possible. I would get him active in every sport. and cub scouts. Paula you had a very unfair child hood. I think all your problems was caused from your dad. I think your son is going to be fine. You see the signs early. Hugs barb

Paula, I know that it is one thing when something is wrong with you and a total other if it is your child. Last year I made a very hard decision to have my son put on medicine for ADHD. He is a very smart boy, but he just has a hard time focusing. He should be a 95 student and was bearly holding down 85. I really didn't have anyone in my family that thought that he should be tested. Not even my son's father. The next semester after starting his meds my son brought his GPA up 25 points. The moral of my story is that you are his mother and you know him better than anyone else. You do what you think is right and forget anyone else. If you want ot sit in the car for 3 hours just to make sure everything is ok and it makes you fel better go ahead. I know I don't know exactly what you are going through, but if you do the bestyou can that is all that matters! Keep your chin up, Christine

Hi Paula... Seeing your child suffer is horrible for a parent (especially a mother) - You know what he's going thru which most likely makes it worse for you. He's young and hopefully will outgrow his fears if you convince him to do things on his own...he'll find out that if he doesn't do things he will be missing out and we all know that kids hate to miss out on anything. Sounds like you know what you're doing and are handling it well (at least in front of him) - I hope it all works out for you - as you said just try and be patient with him. Love, Linda