One year In Words
I posted this on the PA Board yesterday on my one year rebirthday. I wanted to share it with all of you 09/05'ers! Happy rebirthday to all of us!!!!
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My Rebirth 09/21/05 to 09/21/06
Only one year ago I awoke every morning, anxious and afraid to put my feet on the floor as the pain of swollen and stiff ankles awaited me. I went to bed every night contemplating how I would handle waking up in this body...again. The relaxing one hour drive to work ultimately ended in stiff, painful ankles, which caused a noticeable and painful limp on my way into the office. My clothing was nothing more than a draping, which I prayed would move with me and not reveal anymore than necessary to my co-workers and the world around me. My back and neck pain was such a part of my life for over 15 years that it was, many times, almost not noticeable. My back gave a new definition to "dull roar". It caused pain as I lowered into my office chair and strain as I attempted to get out of my car. My monthly cycle brought about debilitating and painful hormone related migraines. I would find myself in the office, lights off and my laptop screen dimmed, using oxygen in large doses from the office warehouse in an effort to ease the pain. Once home, the pain meds would flow. Air travel for work was embarrassing and uncomfortable as I could not lower the arm rests over my hips. Walking through the airport was a sweat-drenching, breath-stealing event for which I could not possibly prepare. My hips, back and knees ached for bed rest, but upon reaching the bed after a long day, the pain was sometimes unbearable as the muscles attempted the feat of relaxation.
Routinely, I would question my future. What would I be able to do in another 5 years, 10 years, or upon retirement? These questions were immensely important, considering that fact that was only 36 years old. I had been gaining weight since the death of my father at age eight. As an adult, my love life with my fiancée was strained at best. Why would he want me when I didn't? How could my children be proud of their Mommy during school and social functions when I couldn't move through a crowd or sit next to them comfortably in an auditorium seat on Back to School Night? I had a physical presence that I believed only a mother could love. I needed a miracle, a savior, a rebirth, but there was no end in sight. The absence of a future was more debilitating than all of my pain multiplied by two. There was no hope. No chance at success for a bright, driven and loving woman named Shauna.
It was an Internet ad that ultimately steered my life in a new direction. A Saturday during the summer of 2005 began the massive redirection of my life after a simple call to a bariatric medicine hospital named Barix. Because of that call, I met a man who truly saw me as an unfortunate, but potentially wildly successful woman. This man had dedicated his life to the support of people suffering and slowly dying from morbid obesity and was willing to share his passion with me. My life was to change that day. It was the power of this man, Dr. Alan Brader, my insurance company, Keystone Health Plan East, and me that seized the opportunity as a last chance last ditch effort. Within seven weeks, I underwent a surgical rerouting of my stomach and intestinal system. I was physically and emotionally reborn on September 21, 2005 and immediately began to lose my excess weight. Losing weight was not the goal. Watching the scale go down was the secondary, or even the tertiary goal. Losing the pain, humiliation, depression, suffering, mortification, disgust, discomfort, exhaustion, fear, and torture of an unlived life was, and still is, primary.
Many things can happen when you find that there is life outside of a poorly functioning physical body. There may no longer be a need for physicians to medicate in order to complete normal and mundane tasks. Life can be worth living. A rebirth can provide the keys to life. The feel of a hug can be enjoyable, not painful or shameful. A body in motion need not be pained or restricted. A relatively simple tool can be handed from a professional into the hands of a dying individual, just as it was handed to me in an operating room suite. My new tool cannot build a house, but the use of my tool along with many other tools and support systems are building my mansion. There must be maintenance of my tools and ongoing education and nurturing of the various support systems. It all must work together on a daily basis, seamlessly. There are always misfirings and unexpected malfunctions within any complex system, but when I monitor that system and provide loving maintenance, there are virtually no compromises of which I cannot handle.
Overall, many experiences were prevented due to my experience as a gastric bypass patient. I prevented additional years of medications, pain, depression, social anxiety, embarrassment, physical strain, a strained marriage
My experience of gastric bypass cannot be put simply into words. A life recaptured cannot be penned in so few words as any spoken language offers. Gastric bypass cannot save a life, but gastric bypass began a process that saved mine. My life was saved, resuscitated and reclaimed by a surgical procedure and the extremely well thought out and directed process that continues today. Everyday, I take the time to thank God for my surgeon, my husband and children, my parents and brother, my support group family, my medical insurance company, and my life. Thank you to all of you who were involved in my resuscitation and reclaiming of my life. You are who allow my heart beat.
***Shauna***
*G*O*A*L*
**************************************************************
My Rebirth 09/21/05 to 09/21/06
Only one year ago I awoke every morning, anxious and afraid to put my feet on the floor as the pain of swollen and stiff ankles awaited me. I went to bed every night contemplating how I would handle waking up in this body...again. The relaxing one hour drive to work ultimately ended in stiff, painful ankles, which caused a noticeable and painful limp on my way into the office. My clothing was nothing more than a draping, which I prayed would move with me and not reveal anymore than necessary to my co-workers and the world around me. My back and neck pain was such a part of my life for over 15 years that it was, many times, almost not noticeable. My back gave a new definition to "dull roar". It caused pain as I lowered into my office chair and strain as I attempted to get out of my car. My monthly cycle brought about debilitating and painful hormone related migraines. I would find myself in the office, lights off and my laptop screen dimmed, using oxygen in large doses from the office warehouse in an effort to ease the pain. Once home, the pain meds would flow. Air travel for work was embarrassing and uncomfortable as I could not lower the arm rests over my hips. Walking through the airport was a sweat-drenching, breath-stealing event for which I could not possibly prepare. My hips, back and knees ached for bed rest, but upon reaching the bed after a long day, the pain was sometimes unbearable as the muscles attempted the feat of relaxation.
Routinely, I would question my future. What would I be able to do in another 5 years, 10 years, or upon retirement? These questions were immensely important, considering that fact that was only 36 years old. I had been gaining weight since the death of my father at age eight. As an adult, my love life with my fiancée was strained at best. Why would he want me when I didn't? How could my children be proud of their Mommy during school and social functions when I couldn't move through a crowd or sit next to them comfortably in an auditorium seat on Back to School Night? I had a physical presence that I believed only a mother could love. I needed a miracle, a savior, a rebirth, but there was no end in sight. The absence of a future was more debilitating than all of my pain multiplied by two. There was no hope. No chance at success for a bright, driven and loving woman named Shauna.
It was an Internet ad that ultimately steered my life in a new direction. A Saturday during the summer of 2005 began the massive redirection of my life after a simple call to a bariatric medicine hospital named Barix. Because of that call, I met a man who truly saw me as an unfortunate, but potentially wildly successful woman. This man had dedicated his life to the support of people suffering and slowly dying from morbid obesity and was willing to share his passion with me. My life was to change that day. It was the power of this man, Dr. Alan Brader, my insurance company, Keystone Health Plan East, and me that seized the opportunity as a last chance last ditch effort. Within seven weeks, I underwent a surgical rerouting of my stomach and intestinal system. I was physically and emotionally reborn on September 21, 2005 and immediately began to lose my excess weight. Losing weight was not the goal. Watching the scale go down was the secondary, or even the tertiary goal. Losing the pain, humiliation, depression, suffering, mortification, disgust, discomfort, exhaustion, fear, and torture of an unlived life was, and still is, primary.
Many things can happen when you find that there is life outside of a poorly functioning physical body. There may no longer be a need for physicians to medicate in order to complete normal and mundane tasks. Life can be worth living. A rebirth can provide the keys to life. The feel of a hug can be enjoyable, not painful or shameful. A body in motion need not be pained or restricted. A relatively simple tool can be handed from a professional into the hands of a dying individual, just as it was handed to me in an operating room suite. My new tool cannot build a house, but the use of my tool along with many other tools and support systems are building my mansion. There must be maintenance of my tools and ongoing education and nurturing of the various support systems. It all must work together on a daily basis, seamlessly. There are always misfirings and unexpected malfunctions within any complex system, but when I monitor that system and provide loving maintenance, there are virtually no compromises of which I cannot handle.
Overall, many experiences were prevented due to my experience as a gastric bypass patient. I prevented additional years of medications, pain, depression, social anxiety, embarrassment, physical strain, a strained marriage
My experience of gastric bypass cannot be put simply into words. A life recaptured cannot be penned in so few words as any spoken language offers. Gastric bypass cannot save a life, but gastric bypass began a process that saved mine. My life was saved, resuscitated and reclaimed by a surgical procedure and the extremely well thought out and directed process that continues today. Everyday, I take the time to thank God for my surgeon, my husband and children, my parents and brother, my support group family, my medical insurance company, and my life. Thank you to all of you who were involved in my resuscitation and reclaiming of my life. You are who allow my heart beat.
***Shauna***
*G*O*A*L* 
Congratulations.
Sandy 
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