Getting to know.....

Paula Hep I picked Paula becouse I first gained inspiration from her realizing we had so mu*****ommon , plus I admire her strenghth to go through this supporting her husband. I love my hubby I just donno if I could support his whiney but after a major surgury like this...lol You know how much od a big baby men can be when sick or recovering....hehe So read Paula's profile and get to know her if you don't already. Hugs to you all Shel P.S. I finaly sent for my Century card, thank you all for last week

Hi Shel, thanks for picking Paula! I can't wait to learn more about this very inspiring woman! Unfortunately, it might not be today, as I am -- again -- preparing for company. That is one nice thing about living in the nation's capital (as they say) you never lack for summer (or any time really) visitors! But as soon as I can I will read Ms Paula's journal. Can't wait. As for now - since my one group of company left yesterday and the next arrives today, I have a bit of cleaning to do -- real fast!! love donna

Hi Shelly, I'm SO touched that you'd pick little ole' me! I'm really nothing that special. I am what you see, is all...or read. A few things about me that I didn't want to put up on my profile: I come from a very abusive backround. My dad was a terrible person. He abused my mom and my five sisters (all are a lot older than I am) and it was a very scary, tortured upbringing. He'd feed me Valium at the age of 5 cause I'd be SO afraid of his abuse. (Nice man) He died last Christmas Eve all alone with noone because of how he treated people. It has been an emotional roller coaster these past 7 months with him dying, though. Also, I was married before Bob. He was the love of my life. Louis and I met when I was 20, in 1984. We both worked for the same company, me in the office, him in the shop. He spotted me, but was too shy to introduce himself! another couple that worked there set us up. We dated for a LONG time. Agoraphobia and panic disorder set in and I let work on a disabilitly. Lou stuck by me through thick and thin, and sometimes it was really bad. We broke up a couple of times cause he didn't understand why I wouldn't leave the house. A tough thing for someone to understand when you're only in your 20's. Lou lived with him Mom, who was a widow. His father died 6 months before we met from colon cancer. He was only 46. Lou took over caring for his mother. I lived with my Mom all this time. My parents divorced when I was 18. My disability helped pay the bills. I moved out on my own for the first time at age 27. July of 1991, Louis was diagnosed with colon cancer. Had major surgery to remove the tumor, but it had already spread to the lymph nodes. One entire year of chemo therapy ensued. We were married Nov. 1991...regardless of his cancer. We decided that if we can get through my mental health issues and his cancer, we could get through anything. His mom was NOT happy. She was losing her baby and the man that took care of her. She cried hysterically the entire day. July 1994, Louis dies from the colon cancer. Just short of three years of marriage. It was devastating. We had three good years. He felt good, but the bugger of colon cancer reared its ugly head and was way beyond repair. When we got this news, it was too late. He died within a month. I was up 24/7 with him caring for his every need. He didn't want to go to the hospital if possible. (We had purchased a condo in 1992) Lou and I shared in ten years what some couples never share in an entire lifetime. We were a perfect match. We had pet names for each other...we lauged our asses off over the most stupid things. He loved to ski and was an expert. Going to Europe to ski, out west and especially to VT. We lived in CT. I had to take him by ambulance to the hospital on the last 24 hours of his life. He needed strong pain killers by iv. I was there when he died. I talked him through his last breaths, telling him to go towards whatever it was that he was seeing. To go to God, Jesus, his Dad...etc It was an awesome experience. I sat with his body for three hours afterwards. He died at 4 in the morning. My Mom and one sister came up to the hosptial to sit with me. (I had his funeral planned a couple days prior to not have to deal with it afterwards) His mom was weirded out. I can understand now (with having my own kids) how she felt with losing a child. But then, I didn't. She (and her entire family) were just plain old cruel to me. She didn't believe he was dead or was going to die. She was mad at me for not letting her take him to Venezuela to a spiritual healer for a miracle. The days and months after his death were awful. Though I lost a ton of weight! I spent a lot of time sitting at the cemetery trying to figure out where my life would now go. I was SO lonely (I get tears in my eyes right now remembering how it felt). Thanks to my family, I got through. His Mom sued his estate through Probate because she gave Louis about 40 thousand dollars (his inheritance early she said) to put down on our condo. Well, now that he was dead, there was NO way she'd let me keep it. I lost and had to sell the condo. I was homeless. She even took my car to pay up the balance of the money. Cruel, cruel, cruel. His family sat at the probate hearing and called me all kinds of names while I sat there alone waiting for my attorney. As you can see, I had no kids with him and thank God for that, for I'd have to have a relationship with her now. I've not spoken to her in over 12 years. Yippee. It wasn't quite a year after Louis died that I met Bob. I was up all night long most nights for insomnia took over with the grief. I sat on my bed reading my neighbor's Sunday paper (I was taking it in for him ) and came across the personal ads. First and foremost was this adorable ad. I had to answer it. I'd never done something like this before, but had to start somewhere. It had been over ten years that I'd been in the dating world and I didn't know where to begin. Bars where not for me anymore. So at 2:20am, on April 16h 1995, I answered his ad. You had to leave a voice mail telling about yourself. He called me back the next day and we talked for over 3 hours! We had our first date the next night at a "neutral" restaurant where I met him there. Four hours went by and we thought only an hour had. Bob was recently divorced and was very, very hurt from it. His wife cheated. They had no kids. Again, Thank God. I thought Louis was the love of my life...he was...And, it is true to meet two loves of your life. At least for me. We were married 6 months later, on New Year's Eve in an old Victorian Mansion. I walked down a sprawling staircase to my groom. It was all still set up for Christmas and we were married in front of a roaring fire. We'll be married 11 years this year. But, it's not been without a lot of bumps along the way. We moved a LOT for his job. 6 times in 7 years. My agoraphobia kicked in again (usually due to post traumatic stress) and Bob learned out what Louis had to deal with. Anna was born in VA in 1998 and Bob asked me if we could name her middle name of "Louise" after Louis, for, if he hadn't died, we wouldn't have met, and there would be no Anna! So, that's her name. Tim was two years later, 2000. A move back to New England to Rhode Island in 2000. Gained a lot of weight from the kids and stress and anti-depressants. My Mom is diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and it's good that I'm back up north to help with her. We build our own house in 2001. Weight gain is more and more each year. Kids start school. Mom has more time on her hands. Bob works very odd shifts whi*****lude days, nights, weekends, holidays. It's tough when there NO family in the immediate area, so I eat to soothe my lonliness. In between, it's not all negative stuff. We have a blast raising the kids. We love watching them grow and act like little sponges becoming so smart. I meet some new friends along the way, but, I'm basically shy at first. THen, once you meet me and get to know me, you can't shut me the heck up!!! And...my profile picks up from there... SOrry it's too long. But, if you want to get to know me,,,you should know the WHOLE me!!! There's more in between, but I can't think of anymore right now. paula

Paula, I want to thank you for writing this additional info about you. My father died in 1988 of colon cancer and my mom and your lives seem very similiar. I was 18 when my father died and remember the daily iv's and stomach pump and night times like they were yesterday. I had just had my first child, living at home and it was so hard to watch my parents go through that. They like you and your first love, were the perfect match. I want you to know that I think you deciding to have this surgery was so brave of you and i think you are doing fantastic. Really, you are. I am so proud of you and who you are! Heather

I just spent the last 10 minutes living your life through your eyes. Your story is so touching. You have been through alot. I didn't realize you had 2 young children like me. ... (13 & 8). Your husband Bob, seems very honorable to name your child that. how sweet. I can understand about your dad. Mine was the same way, except he wasn't physically abusive to me... My mom always said I was too young for him to abuse me.. Cuz he ended up in Prison and they got divorced. But my older sibs got the rath..but everyone forgave him when he was older after a long and lonesome life he was sick a he suffered from a few different types of depression.. But he did die alone in 1999 also..and that was very had for me since I am the one who found him 6 days later. I miss my dad all the time. Enough about ME>>> You are a very strong and wonderful lady. I am glad I am getting to know you better!

wow, what an amazing life. You have been through so much. Thank you for letting us in. I have been with my husband since high school we started to date in 1980. I can't imagine finding two loves. That is so special and to think that Bob named his child after your first husband tells me that the man is wonderful, caring and very sensitive. You are very lucky. I can hardly wait to get the time to read your whole profile. donna.....

Paula's profile: http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=H1113541298

I still have not read all of Paula's profile. But I did read her post following this post of Shel's, and Paula, you have lived not one but two very romantic love stories. How cool is that!! I couldn't stop reading, Paula. You have got to keep that, and put it in your journal or somewher!! It's definitely something to have and keep. You are fortunate that you can put into words all those emotions So what I know about you Paula, is that you are a very loving lady. You have had two great loves in your life. You have an awesome story about meeting your Bob on a personal ad - and very good results. And the love and care that you gave your first love is something to definitely be admired. You're a great lady Paula. Did I say that? And very strong. And you continue to always be a good example to me of doing this the right way!! Thank you Paula - I admire you. love donna