Addictions

Hello all - although I don't post often I am compelled to share on this topic. How timely it has come up now. Barb has had the courage to post her concern and has been surrounded by much support. I am at goal but have been struggling with the same things that made me morbidly obese to begin with. My compulsive eating and using food as a drug of choice to self medicate. I have 14 year sobriety from alcohol addiction but it is painfully clear to me that over the years I have just substituted one substance for another. I have been successful in getting the weight off with gastric bypass have implemented a truly rewarding exercise program but still was haunted by my desire to eat for reasons other than fueling my body. This is a reminder to me that this is an incredible opportunity to regain my health but needs to be a change of lifestyle for the body, mind and spirit. I know this surgery was to save my life and regain the quality so missing. I am willing to go to any length to recover from the problems that got me here to begin with. I've been given an incredible tool and want to continue to have it work for me. I am now attending 12 Step OA meetings and am having the opportunity to address my underling food issues. Thank you Barbara for having the courage to share and for those others who offered their wisdom and support. Taking the first step last September was just the beginning of the journey. Thank you for letting me share. Sydney Weight at surgery: 244 Weight today: 137 Age: 54

We all have our addictions and mine is food, I realize I eat when happy sad with friends or whatever the case!! Now I went through all this and now I feel like I am sabatoging myself because I slowly see myself getting back into the old habits again. I need to stop but I see myself doing this and say I need to stop but I Dont do it, I keep eating. DUMMY me!!! Thats why I like this support page and OH messaging its so good to back and look at the before and after pictures to help me try and get focused again. I am only human and I will screw up but thats when we need to get back on the band wagon and get back to basics and say ok I screwed up but I need to fix this before it gets to out of control, so I totally understand where you are coming from and all we can do is encourage each other to help eat the right foods and rememeber to FOCUS on what we want. I hope I am not rambling on but when I read you post I feel the same way as you do

Wow 137 your a tiny lady, Addictions, There are all kinds. When I get to over eating I start excercising extra harder. Then I realize I need to stop over eating and I do. I did end up going out last night and getting wasted. So today is a new day for me. I slept all day. I was up all night. Feels like my life is falling apart. Like I said today is a new day. If I can make it threw the weekend. I will be fine. If I cant I am going to start the aaa meetings myself. and get on the 12 step program. I think alot of my problem is. I look so thin and feel so young I want to show off my new curves. I want and starve for attention from men. My husband never gave me that. Hugs To all my friends *****ally care Barb

It is amazing to me the brilliant people on this board!! Thanks for sharing Sydney. I, too, struggle with eating for reasons other than nutrition and although I am not at goal. almost there, the compulsions do not go away: When I am tired, stressed, cranky, bored, lonely, sad, You name it and it is a good excuse to eat. I justify the snacking saying: Before surgery it would have been a pint of ice cream and more , now it is just some pretzels and a hand full of sugar free cookies! LIke that makes it OK??? Our brains need retraining and I think OA is a wonderful idea. I tried it years ago and just wasn't ready I guess. I live overseas and I'm going to see if there are any groups here. Thanks for the great IDEA and Congradulations on wonderful Journey and reaching goal. jacqueline

Hi Sydney, Thanks for the courageous post. I am right there with ya, only I haven't nearly made goal yet. I know, like many others I choose most anything as excuse to pig out. Celebrating, BORED (big one), hungry or it just sounds good at the time. I beat myself up very often about these behaviors and it boggles my mind how I could have went through this life-altering surgery, to make my health better and yet I continue on to sabotage my success. I do not post much because I am so ashamed of myself. I read of others success, or huge weight losses and I am failing miserably. I fear that I will end up not losing all the weight. At this point (down from 326 to 231) I would be happy at 200! I live with the fear that I will end up like my sister, because, in fact, I am following in her footsteps. When she had the surgery in 2000, she lost 180#. Now, she is at my weight or slightly above and a huge compulsive eatter. She will binge on candy and at the same time, keep metabolife or you name it to try and deter some of the weight gain. It's a scary cycle. Personally, I'm not much for pills, so that's not the problem, however, candy is my drug of choice. Will I end up gaining back what I lose? Only time will tell. Everyday, I have a new resolve to REALLY work out hard that day, to REALLY stick to a diet~phooey...I always fail because I face junk food daily. Lots of excuses so I won't go on. Just thought I'd tell ya thanks for the post and we just need to continue to hold each other up and pray for each other. ~Hugs, Kelly

In some strange corner of my heart I was thinking this battle with food was mine alone. To Michelle, Jacqueline and Kelly - thank you for affirming this battle is not just mine. Kelly, you put it so well,, we need to "hold each other up and pray for each other." This is such a challenging time in our WL journey. I had to chuckle at the insanity of the rationalizing of the quantity of snacking/grazing before surgery and now. Thank you for mentioning it. I am so eager to learn to live in a healthy manner (mentally, spiritually and physically) in this new body. I live daily with the fear I can still fail because this has been my pattern for so many years. Gosh, I want the negative self-talk to stop! The support on this forum is such a powerful tool. We need it more than ever. We're all winners, each and every one of us. I am so greatful for the love and support. Sydney

How does OA respond to people who have had surgery?

Food plans, or methods of controlling weight do not come up at meetings. I certainly would not hesitate to share this information if the opportunitey arises. All members of OA have one thing in common; the desire to stop overeating and eating complusively. I have not it be an issue, nor am I ashamed or worried of what they might say. We're all working to make peace with food and the bodies in which we live. Have you had any experiences in this area? Sydney

Hi Sydney, there's my California friend!! I've missed you. You really have hit the nail on the head with this topic Sydney. I think it is our additctions that have gotten us to this place. Did we think having this surgery would stop those addictions? Well, to be honest, I was hoping. Yes, I did tons of research, went to support meetings before, talked to people who have had it and still had struggles, but did I think I would be different? Yes. I was hoping I would. So now I am scared. I am so scared that I stay away from things that I know will trigger me. Chips - a biggie. So that makes me sad - I'm not cured. I'm still a foodie. The only thing is that I'm hoping by recognizing this, and having the support and sympathy and understanding of everyone on this board, will make it different for me. Will it? Don't know - but I am praying that it will. Thank you Sydney for posting. We're all so vulnerable. love donna

Hi Donna - nice to see you back! Hope you enjoyed your time with family in PA. You are so totally right about the trigger foods. That will get me going quicker than anything. Pretzels will do it for me - and refined carbs of just about any kind. I just gotta stay away from that "first bite." Have been meaning to let you know just how FABULOUS you look. You must be feeling great too! Yeah, we've come along way and it can be scarey. It's part of the journey and I'm so glad we can be here for each other. You're awsome! Sydney