Having a problematic week

Hi All, I'm at the end of my rope. I'm completely stressed out and feel like I can pull my hair out at any minute. A little background: I am and have been on a disabilitly for panic attacks for years. I've had them since I was a little kid and they've gotten better at times, gotten worse in some years, and I've been completely home bound at times and didn't leave my home for over a year at a time a few times in my life. I grew up in a very abusive and distructive household with lots of abuse and confusion. Today, in my life, if I'm faced with a lot of stress, I deal with it and run on a lot of adrenaline but when the stress is done, I crash and have like a post traumatic stress breakdown. This is where I"m at now. I know my stressors... It started with: Hubby had his RNY on June 20th. I was driving daily to the hospital over one hour away (each way) and it got me really tired. My kids were finishing school that week and I was stressed with that. Now that they're done and out, they're already bored and driving me nutso. Hubby is still home and on puree stage. He's scheduled to go back to work next week. He wants me to baby him and puree all his food for him and make him his shakes. Something I did all for myself when I had my surgery. What is it with men??? My mom is 83 and has alzheimer's disease and is in a nursing home. She's getting worse and to top it off, she got an infection a couple of weeks ago and it brought her way down. She called me the other day crying and saying that no one calls her or comes to see her and everyone around her is getting guests and visitors. I call her daily, she just forgets. I don't know how much my other sisters call, but they do call. Dont' know how much they visit, I don't think they do except for one and she was hospitalized with stress this past week and that's what my Mom was missing. She thought my sister had died and her nurse called me on July 4th and I had to drive the hour and a half each way and go and see her to reassure her that my sister had not died, but she was just under some stress. I've never seen my mom look so awful. She was white as chalk and was so weak. No attention span and couldn't carry on a conversation. I guess it's getting worse and her body may be starting to break down too. It's getting to her psyche now too, something that it didn't do before. She's always been a cheerful person. Another stressor was my sister being hospitalized for stress this week. She's like my rock and has been the family caregiver (a role she put herself in) forever. She's 16 years older than me and is more like a mother figure to me than sister. My kids are driving me nuts with being home. We have the beach here, so, our town says go and use it! Swim in the ocean! There's really no park programs for them to go to and the rain has been so awful how can we use the beach? And, to top it all off, my nephew (almost 18 and a senior in HS) just informed his mother that he's joining the Air Force. Great, now during a war! Another stressor for us all. grrrr I'd be the first to drive him to Canada if there was a draft imposed. I'm against the war, but support our troops. All in all, a lot of stress if happening and I'm feeling like I'm losing it. I'm not overeating, I'm actually having more of an upset stomach after I eat anything at all. I did change my anti-depressant three weeks ago and am weaning off the one I was on. That may have something to do with the edgy feelings I'm feeling. I'm not actually having panic attacks, but I'm almost there... Bob just took the kids to the opening day of Pirates of the Caribbean. Something we as a family has been planning to do for a year. And where am I? Here at home typing this. I feel awful, but I just couldn't take going. I'd rather stay home and rest. My sister is home from the hospital and lives only minutes from my mom's nursing home..SO, hopefully she can get to see her in the next few days. What do you all do when your kids are whining and going at it because they're bored? I tell them to go outside (they're 8 & 6) and ride their bikes..scooters, skateboards, swing, run, play tag..etc) They are two kids that won't leave the room we're in. We built a wonderful basement room for them/us and they won't use it cause they say there's spiders down there. They won't go to their rooms and watch tv. They're spoiled and want to be with us all the time. How do I break them of this? It's gonna be a long summer if this continues. Sorry to be so long winded. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Guess I better call my quack of a shrink and see him for a whole 30 seconds and not get anything accomplished. I've got to find someone new. Any input you have for me will help. I know it's not really WLS related, but you've all be so wonderful through this journey, I trust you all and your opinions. Thanks, paula

Paula, honey, I love you. I wish I could put my arms around you and give you a big hug and kiss. That's about all I can do. You have totally identified all your issues, you know what they are, and yes, I think it does involve a call to your therapist. I feel like such a whiner when I think how I complained I was going to be lonely this week - big flipping deal!! Paula, I had the same issues with my dad that you are having with your mom. It is the worse disease out there, as far as I'm concerned. Just so sad, and it totally affects your whole family. Have you read the book 72 hours? It's really good. If you haven't send me your address and I'll send it to you. My dad was what they call (he actually passed away exactly 5 years ago today!) a sundowner. He really got bad in the evening hours. It was so hard on my mom, me, my sister. Very very sad. You're exhaused Paula. You need this time to rest. Go see the movie by yourself sometime. Is it too late to do something with your kids like summer camp?? And I don't know what to say about your husband other than 'here's how to make a shake, dude'!! I hate how helpless men are (sorry if there are any guys out there reading this), but it just grates on me. Wish I could say something really profound to help you, but I can't. Other than I love you Paula, and hope you can feel that across the miles. I am meeting some friends for lunch and have to get ready, but I'll check in when I get back. Also, I never get notification anymore on my email that there is a response to any posts that I get --that is annoying!! love you Paula! donna p.s. make the call!!

Paula, You are just too fantastic. I wish I could wave a magic wand and change it all for you but ya know? the majic is gone. I am so impressed with all you have to deal with and how you haven't lost your rope yet??? I think I wouldv'e a long time ago. If your husband is the supportive type: I think it is time to have a talk about him not being so needy and dependant on you...He needs to do his own food. Kids...UGH... They always say they can't wait until summer and then all summer "T'm Bored" is all you hear!! I think you need to insitute some Paula time: Time reserved for you that cannot be viloated and get to do what you want even if it is taking a short nap or a walk around the neighborhood. I journal away all my frustratiion as I seem to have a short fuse at times and journaling is a good safe way for me to yell without hurting anyone. Please know You are in my thoughts and I am sending all my extra positive energy in your direction. Take care of you and lock the kids in the closet!! oops, just kidding about that one... hugs, Jacqueline

Don't be so sure it's not WLS related...lol Welcome to my world so glad to hear i'm not alone anymore.....lol Sorry to hear about the things going on with your mother, love her in the moment no mater what that moment may be. My family used to get frustrated with my gram becouse she would forget people and visits and all that but then they would get frutrated with me for "playing her game" they would tell me if you don't remind her she is not going to remember it right....And so what if she doesn't? is that realy gonna make her any healthier? Nope ! My grandmother died 5 yrs before her body was pernounced dead but in those 5 yrs I still made friends with , cared for , and made friends with the woman left in her shel. We went one day to visit and then went to lunch, 30 min later we went back and she was crying she was so happy we finally came to see her , no one had been there in months and months(we went every day) I said oh I know gran but your special to us so we make this trip as often as we can. Can you sign the kids up for something like a vacation bible school type thing, that would keep them busy a few times a day. As for hubby, he'll be back to work soon and out of your hair,,,,hehehe you could always go down in the playroom and play things like follow the leader, mother may I and hide and seek , then they get mommy time and you get some excersize too boot, or you could just let them hide and forget them for an hour,,,,,hehe If you need to e-mail me anytime and vent out all your frustrations Hang in there Hugs Shel

My grandson comes over and says " can I paint ?" I have a lot of craft paints from when I was really into it. Every once in a while I will pick up some of the little wooden pieces, flowers, houses etc and let him paint. It keeps him occupied , he gets messy but that cleans up ! Or I give him paper to paint on. He is 8. They just want to do something so I also have a hand vac that he loves to do my steps with. Make a game out of helping you do housework ! Dusting, putting toys away. I know grandkids are totally different from your own kids . Just a suggestion. Maybe make a picnic basket and have them take it out back for a picnic. What about making a tent with a blanket or sheets ? Ok , my kid thinking is coming out. ( used to be a TA for Headstart) I signed my 13 yo up for camp to occupy her for a couple of weeks. Good Luck, Sandy