What Now!!! Hide?

I have only posted a couple times since my surgery on Sept 1st. I log on all the time and read all the questions, answers, good news, and advice. But now I have a big problem, almost embarrassing to post. It is my husband and my sex life. We had a good sex life before my surgery, then about 3 months after it became great again, I had renewed energy and he loved that. I have felt strange for the last couple months. I felt like the sex was strained. I found out why today. It is the hanging skin. I was naked and looking for my bra I had the night before and my husband was sitting on the throne. He said, "Don't take this the wrong way, but how much is the skin surgery, that (looking down at my hanging stomach) is killing me". I replied that it was killing me too! I really didn't take it the wrong way............until this evening when our children were out and he had come out of the shower and had gotten dressed before I knew it. I tackled him on the bed, and tried to undo his belt while I was kissing him. He kept telling me no and making excuses about the kids coming home (19,16, & 15), he even grabed his belt so I couldn't unbuckle it all the way. I figured all he needed was some incentive, but then I realized he was serious. Then I remembered the conversation about the skin. I have lost 111 pounds and gone from a 32 to a size 18. I love myself. I have more energy than ever, I trully feel reborn or at least saved!!! But this hurts...........and it hurts bad. Anyone else out there? Lori

Hi Lori, I don't have any experience or advice on this, but just wanted to tell you I've so sorry you're going through this hurt. I haven't been intimate with anybody since my surgery, but have worried that in my next relationship I'll be as self-concscious now cause of the hanging skin as I was, if not more so, when I last had sex with my now ex-boyfriend when I weighed 394. Have you been able to talk to your husband about it at all? Does he know how painful his rejection is? Congratulations to you on your 111 pounds gone! Way to go. Best wishes and a big hug, Holly

Sorry for your going through right now, I told my hubby after I lose the first 100 lbs he was done seeing me nakid till after plastic surgury, he's away right now so thats not even an issue for me ... Does your insurance pay for the plastic surgury , maybe you can start looking into it now so you'll be ready later. I'm having alot of back and lower tummy pain now from it hanging and i'm starting to have hygene issues so when I see the surgon the 21st I'm gonna beg him to see how soon I can at least get that part taken care of, It's almost to the point now when I do things that i have as much pain as i did at almost 500 lbs and now some days my BB feels like it is tearing out. Maybe for now you and hubby can find others ways to share close intament moments without the sex part? kinda like dating again, alot of making out and cold showers...hehe Hugs, Shel

Hi Lori, that is a tough one. I don't have an answer for you, but just as a suggestion, you might want to go to the 'sex after wls' forum. It's pretty raw - I don't think things are monitored there so be prepared, but you can get really good advice on things such as this. The men are really active on that website, too. I am like you, I am so pleased with how I look -- but I know it's not for everyone to see!! My stomach is totally disgusting, and like Shel, I do not let my husband see me naked right now. It's just not pretty. I'm sure there are others that are like, hey, this is me, so deal with it I guess I'm not that bold yet. Good luck, go over to the sex board and check it out - but beware!! love donna

This is something my husband and i talked about before surgery. He was very honest and said he wasnt sure how the excess skin would affect him. Thank goodness so far so good. Wow is sex better after!!!!! My suggestion is talk to each other discuss it ask him what would make it better. Explain to him all that skin was there before just filled with more fat. Talk about whether keeping langerie on will make it better for him. An open line of communication is the best way to deal with this. I know its hard to hear they are having problems with what we look like when we feel so great. My skin goes through stages of really loose and soft and mushy then tightens back up and firms some. I definately have saggy skin though. Good luck. Tammy O

what does he expect.....I mean you lost over 100 lbs. he should be happy for you and patient with you.....not give you any negativity.......You've come along way.... you should be proud....My husband knew i would have that problem....and he just deals with it...i might not look the best naked but I make up for it dressed.. He likes that I am smaller. Oh....sometimes I just hate men....(no offense to the men in our group) Heidi

I agree whole-heartedly with Heidi, what does he expect? Did you discuss that baggy skin was a probability? I'm sorry, I'm not meaning any disrespect, it's just kind of mean and it would really hurt my feelings! My husband is NOT complimentary, believe me, but I'd rather him keep his feelings to himself rather than let everything that he thinks come out of his mouth. I would never tell him something like that either. I'm sorry honey, I know it hurt. Bless ya, Kelly