Shannon, First let me say, Congratulations on your pregnancy!! I know. I am up at 4AM and I am 1/2 asleep most mornings that it slips my mind. I used to keep them on the kitchen counter but hubby keeps putting them back in the cabinet. I tell him to leave them down so I'll remember to take them with me and take them 1st thing in the AM. I will start doing that again. I live on a one level ranch so everything is on one floor. But the kitchen (a really cruel irony...LOL) is where I spend most of my time in the AM. Surprisingly, I don't eat. LOL. But I will try that again. Then I will save some old pill bottles and use black perm. marker to label the old bottles (so I know whats in them) and take some with me to work to keep in my desk in case I forget in the AM. Its a start so I will try that and see if I can get myself back on track again. I can do this! We can all do this!! Hugs, Erin

Debbie, OMG! You know your post made like, total sense to me. And you and everyone here are soooooo right. NO one is going to take care of me but me. I have to take a stand for my health and happiness. I have to do it regardless of what everyone says or thinks. BIG HUGS FOR YOU DEBBIE! My hubby wasn't always controlling but then I wasn't "healthy" or "thin" then either. But I do realize that I have to stop letting people treat me this way like it or not. Hang in there Debbie. I will too. I will get through this. For better or for worse. Marriage is alot of work. I seem to do more of the work than him but I'm going to take it one day at time. *sigh* Thanks for your post. BIG HUGS! Love, Erin

Erin, I don't know you, but girl, some of the stuff that you put in your post sounds like I was the one writing it. My husband is also a very controlling man. I spent alot of time trying to make him grow up ande referreeing between him and my sons. Well, to make a long story much shorter, I finally decided that I would do what I needed to do for myself. He was even against the surgery, I got a counselor who truly saved my sanity. I got a shrink, who prescribed the meds that I didn't realize that I needed, because I was depressed and didn't realize it. Between the two things, and a lot of soul searching I decided that it wasn't as much his fault as it was my fault for letting him do it to me. He made me think that it was my fault that things weren't going the way that I thought that they should. Well, one of the shrinks(I don't know the spelling of psych????) told me something after I told him all my woes, Pre surgery, mind you. He told me that I have been trying to solve everyone around me's problems and nobody was solving my problems and I was damn mad about that. When he told me that it was like someone dropped a brick on my head. All of a sudden I decided that it was me that I needed to take care of first and that if they didn't like it, then, oh well, they would just have to deal with it themselves. I want you to know that I came within an inch of divorce, but I stood my ground against, husband, sons, friends and all, and started doing things that were in my best interest. My husband stood behind me through the surgery and we do much better now, but it still isn't easy, He tries to control me and I continue to make myself and my happiness a priority. Now I am getting out and going to support groups and I am gonna do it every week. Don't get me wrong, I do love my husband and I took my vows seriously, but I have to take care of myself first, emotionally and physically, or I will be no good to anyone. I know that I have sorta rambled, but what I am saying to you is that you gotta love yourself and care for yourself first and stand up for yourself in order to work on the marriage. And you said that it was when you had a child stillborn that it all started, well, I can't say that I know how you feel,but you need to care for yourself first, that must have been a terrible heartbreak, and God Bless you for your loss, but don't blame any one thing on a host of problems. I hope that you put what you can't handle in God's hands and let him deal with it. He has helped me alot. Good luck and take care of yourself. Debbie

All, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate the sincere words. I am so relieved that I came back here. This group is still the best ever. Everyones post, I have to say has really helped. I still go back and read over when I feel bad. You are all right. I have all my life, put everyone else first. So much that I have placed myself low on the shelf. I have been forgotton or just taken off whenever anyone needs something. I am "ole reliable". But God forbid that I have needs and wants. God forbid I say something that someone doesn't like or approve of..... I AM WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR! I am not that placemat that I was when I was 100 lbs heavier. Now that I feel good about myself and have some confidence back and want to do things, it throws hubby all in a loop. IE: I love bowling. He doesn't. A male friend (and yes, he is only just a male friend...I almost wish he were a woman because we are very very close...just NOT THAT way) loves to bowl as well. So I go bowling. My hubby had a fit because I went bowling. I told him...."Listen, you don't enjoy bowling. Why should I stop bowling because YOU don't like it? I enjoy it!" Well, that didn't go over well. I have to thank you all for the wonderful advice and comments. Seriously. I just starting feeling so low and depressed. But for a quick update: I think my hubby knows that I am ready to call it quits because he has been kissing my fanny the last couple of days. Asking my opinion, doing stuff that I like....(he NEVER asks my opinion about anything....its usually his way or NO way) But I made a committment. I am not going to quit without a fight. I don't want divorce so I am going to give it a shot. (It all depends how long the butt kissing lasts...it doesn't usually last long and that is NOT what I want either...I want my man back...I want to have fun with him not w/o him.) I am babbling. But I thank you thank you all for the wonderful support and I will keep you updated if anything major comes along. I will ask a favor. Please please please, remind me once in a while about my supplements. I have to get back on them again. I did join Curves so I will be going after work. So I guess that is a positive step in the right direction. (I had even stopped going there as well) THANK YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH! I am so glad I came back. I need to get back on track and lose just 20 more lbs and I'll be at goal. I will do it! I know I can!! I babbled so much I hope I didn't lose track of my main point. I do babble. LOL. Just thanks so much. You all are soooo very special to me. Love to you all so very much! Sincerely, Erin

Thank you so much for the support. I know. I have to get back on track. It is so hard. (I knew the whole process wasn't going to be easy) I can't use stress as an excuse not to take the vitamins. I don't want to get sick. You're right. I am so glad I came back because I know that you all understand. I missed being here. I will just take one day at a time and I will have to post notes all around the house and at work to remind myself not to forget to take them. I also noticed, (and please pardon being so blunt and graphic) that when I take my calcium that I "bind" when I use the ladies room. *blush* Does anyone else have that problem? As for my marriage, I will just take one day at a time and see if he will go to counseling with me. If he doesn't or if he doesn't forsee that we have problems, then there is nothing left for me to do but to do the "D" word. It will kill me to do it but a marriage works both ways. It takes more than one person to keep it alive and healthy. Both partners have to participate so to speak. And if he isn't willing to do that, then there is nothing else I can do. Thank you ladies for your support and reminding me that I have to be good to myself and keep myself healthy both spiritually, mentally and physically. I cannot tell you how much your kind words really helped. Love, Erin