Still See The Larger Version Of ME

Yesterday the Principal of my school was telling me how wonderful I look --tall and thin--I told her that when I look in the mirror I still see myself at 265 lbs. I am now wearing a size 12 SLIM in jeans and still feel fat when I look at myself in the mirror. This thought has been developing moreso now that I am at a normal weight than it has in the past. I am also deathly afraid that I will gain back all the weight I lost especially now since I have bought all new clothes for the summer and winter seasons. I worry too because I think if I were to gain weight back and need to wear larger clothes my DH would have a fit since I have given away ALL of my before clothes and now own nothing but my smaller clothes. I think I am going to have to discuss this feeling more in detail at my next therapy session because it is beginning to scare me. When I get on the scale especially when I think I have gained weight the scale tells me I am still the same weight 150. Why do I think this way? I also worry that I am eating too much and will stretch my pouch to the point where I will devour food like I use to. I still follow the rules of water, protein, vitamins. Could this be because now I am within normal limits with respect to weight and BMI? Am I beginning to go ? Marianne

I have different but similar issues. I don't worry about gaining the weight back cause I just haven't gotten there yet but I still think I look fat when I look at myself. However if I look in the mirror I don't see a fat person. I see myself for what other's see. I also sometimes think I woke up and it is a dream and I am still a big girl and then I have to run to a mirror to look and see if it was all a dream. I mean honestly, it has only been a year and really maybe 5-6 months where i've actually been what people consider "thin". Even though I don't think I am thin and still think I could stand to lose another 10-15 pounds. My biggest issue is my jean's. I bought size 8's about 2 weeks ago when my husband took my out shopping for some birthday clothes. I tried them on and they fit, now all the sudden this week everything is huge on me. Well the jeans are, the shirts fit fine. I know some people are probably reading this saying Oh shut up don't complain but honestly I have no freaking idea what's going on. I mean I wash them and you'd think they'd shrink but it's like they got bigger. I don't feel like i've lost any new inches. I wonder if it is just the material or something. The idea that I should have gotten a size 6 scares the life out of me cause I couldn't have gotten an ankle in a size 6 this time last year let alone my whole body. I wish I had a therapist to talk to but I haven't had the nerve to go to one since my pre surgery consult. It would be nice to talk to a professional about my issue's. I wonder if they'd think I was nuts??? I think though that I will give my doctor's office a call and see if he can reccomend someone whose dealt with WLS. I know that there are probably great ones in my area who haven't but I would like to talk to someone who understands my issue's and has dealt with other's in my position, frame of mind etc.... Shannon

I have different but similar issues. I don't worry about gaining the weight back cause I just haven't gotten there yet but I still think I look fat when I look at myself. However if I look in the mirror I don't see a fat person. I see myself for what other's see. I also sometimes think I woke up and it is a dream and I am still a big girl and then I have to run to a mirror to look and see if it was all a dream. I mean honestly, it has only been a year and really maybe 5-6 months where i've actually been what people consider "thin". Even though I don't think I am thin and still think I could stand to lose another 10-15 pounds. My biggest issue is my jean's. I bought size 8's about 2 weeks ago when my husband took my out shopping for some birthday clothes. I tried them on and they fit, now all the sudden this week everything is huge on me. Well the jeans are, the shirts fit fine. I know some people are probably reading this saying Oh shut up don't complain but honestly I have no freaking idea what's going on. I mean I wash them and you'd think they'd shrink but it's like they got bigger. I don't feel like i've lost any new inches. I wonder if it is just the material or something. The idea that I should have gotten a size 6 scares the life out of me cause I couldn't have gotten an ankle in a size 6 this time last year let alone my whole body. I wish I had a therapist to talk to but I haven't had the nerve to go to one since my pre surgery consult. It would be nice to talk to a professional about my issue's. I wonder if they'd think I was nuts??? I think though that I will give my doctor's office a call and see if he can reccomend someone whose dealt with WLS. I know that there are probably great ones in my area who haven't but I would like to talk to someone who understands my issue's and has dealt with other's in my position, frame of mind etc.... Shannon

I'm right there with you, Marianne. I think it has to do with several things...for me, it's not having that positive reinforcement of watching the scale numbers dropping as "proof" I'm doing things "right." Also, for some reason, I was SURE once I reached goal, those fears of this failing would be gone--but they are worse. From what I've read, although we are no longer morbidly obese, we will always struggle with the thoughts/feelings/addictions that led us to this point. Therapy and support are our next tools to implement for long-term success. Thanks for this post, Melanie. I certainly don't mean to sound like I have the answers...it's good to know others have struggles like our own and we DO know what we can do...why is it so hard to just DO IT? (I'm talking to ME right now!!) My best, Beth

Hi Marianne, I was just at my support meeting last night and instead of the bariatric nurse that usually runs the meeting it was the psychiatrist.... There was a woman there who was saying that although she is at her original goal of 140 something she still sees herself as fat. The psychiatrist said that is called "body distortion" something or other and is very very common with anorexia and/or people who have gained then lost a lot of weight. One way to try and overcome this is to video tape yourself and watch it! She said if you have old video of your former self and then new video of your new self and watch them back to back your brain will have a better chance of catching up to the new you than just looking at pictures. At least try taking some new video of yourself and see if that helps. She said at least a few minutes of video... Video should be of you doing something... exercise, walking around ... being up and about. Hope this helps, Karen