Stressing bad!

OK... so I am posting a somewhat negative post. I see a bunch of you are still losing consistently (I'm not - my own fault) and a bunch of you are getting plastics covered by insurance (I'm terrified I won't get mine covered). I'm so happy for all of you but I am feeling like a failure lately. I know I need to exercise, I know I need to stay away from the carbs, I know I need to take vitamins EVERYDAY. Sigh... I'm stressing out and feeling self defeating and almost wonder if I am sabotaging myself on purpose. Here is the problem: Since I went on vacation back in July I started "allowing" myself to cheat a bit. I tasted sweets (I'm not eating large quantities but still). I sip diet sodas and worse... this week I sipped some REGULAR Root Beer and drank one whole bottle of beer yesterday. I introduced alcohol - not everyday but I think I have had a drink at least once a week lately. I was doing so well when I was a teetotaller and keeping myself honest with fitday and posting in my journal here. Now I don't have time like I did and I am slipping into convenience habits. I have been turning to chocolate as well. Yeah... I'm using this post as a confessional... I guess I should see a priest. Every morning lately I wake up and tell myself I will ONLY eat what is good for me and will eat my protein and will take my vitamins and will my water and will not drink or eat empty calories and WILL NOT HAVE CHOCOLATE. Guess how many days I have kept my promise to myself? I think ZERO. I'm going to try again tomorrow. I also want to join a gym but I don't think I will go because of my schedule and everything I have to get done for school. My schedule is as follows: Monday - work from 8:00 to 5:00, teach school from 6:00 to 10:00pm Tuesday - homework from 8:00 to 12, work from 2:00 to 11:00pm Wednesday - work from 8:00 to 5:00, teach school from 6:00 to 10:00pm Thursday - work from 8:00 to 5:00, teach school from 6:00 to 10:00pm Friday - work from 8:00 to 5:00, homework from 5:00 to sleep (or party) Saturday - teach school from 8:30 to 1:00, homework Sunday - free day to do homework but usually spend it with family if possible. Not much time for sleep, much less exercise. I know I bit off more than I can chew by working full time, teaching four college classes and taking two masters classes but I love teaching so much I didn't look at is as work. Grading 120 students assignments is killing me though because now I am behind in my schoolwork. I really want to exercise but feel like I am playing hooky from my "assignments". So instead of doing homework or going to bed at 1am, here I am writing a whiny post. The main reason I actually posted tonight is because I want to get started with plastics soon (which means - after I have reached an acceptable weight and feel like PS would be a finishing touch). Can anyone tell me what you have done to find the right plastic surgeon, know when you are ready for it, and get insurance to pay for it? Has anyone seeked plastic surgery in Mexico, Costa Rica or Brazil? I'm considering this because I am doubtful that insurance would cover it. If anyone has any sample letters you send to insurance or any tips, please let me know. I'm becoming depressed and obsessed over this. Shorts are becoming a non-option for me because of the skin (I joke about it looking like foreskin - but it is getting to me). I think my skin is fine from the knees down and the elbows out, but everything else is sad. Since I have about 35 pounds total I want to lose (I think), what weight should I consider getting it done? Suggestions are welcome!!! I haven't posted pictures that I have had taken, but do plan to .... someday when I have time. Also, Hurricane Wilma spared me pretty much. Downed trees, basketball hoop, fence and torn screens. My house is pretty much in tact. On the upside... since my electricity was out for a week, my food spoiled in the fridge so I cleaned it out and now can restock with only good things. Working on that. Laura RNY 9/7/04 330/175/140???

Laura! You've done great and looks to me like you've recognized your problem and have a plan to get back on track. Maybe next semester you can plan more YOU time into your schedule. In the meantime - try walking more whereever you are - it does'nt have to be at the gym. I know you can do it! - hugs - dea

When I see (read) posts by new post-ops on the Main Message board that say "I eat just small little candy bars, but that's ok, right???" I should refer them to your post!! Letting the door open to bad behavior is exactly the way I've failed every single time I've tried to diet. My only suggestion is that you make a pact with yourself and a friend who will hold you accountable to have a day or two of total and complete "cleansing". Liquids only, protein shakes only and NO food. After that, introduce the right stuff back and NO MORE soda, alcohol and whatever else you said you were doing. As for time to exercise, I would suggest you hold off on joining a gym. I don't know when you'd find the time to join, much less actually GO. Try doing butt crunches or leg lifts as you sit and grade papers. It's the only thing I could think of!! I didn't read any other replies to your post, but I do wish you well. You had the surgery so that you COULD diet and control yourself and I believe you can do it!!!! Good luck!! Jan 240/125/130