Negative messages to self...

Greetings, September 2004 friends! I've noticed some of us struggling with the return of head hunger as we enter our 1 year post-op anniversary. I knew this day would come but what I'm somewhat unprepared for are the negative thoughts that keep going through my head. Is anyone else experiencing a stronger surge of these than usual? These thoughts cause me to dwell on the areas I'm negligent (not excercising--like, never), too many carbs (about 75-100 gms per day) and missing a daily dose of calcium here and there. I keep getting this feeling I'm going to be a failure because I'm not following the perfect path on this journey. It's as if I don't allow myself to focus on the positive things I do daily (vitamins, water intake, protein--60-110 gms/day, and faithfully recording everything into Fitday.com.) At this time, I guess I am considered a "successful" RNY person. My one year labs are perfect and I'm at goal. Why do I keep feeling as if I'm going to blow this? Anyone else? Beth

my issue is definently to many carbs. I take my vitamins religiously. That is one thing that isn't an option for me. Gaining the weight back isn't going to happen however not taking the vitamins in a definite problem that once it goes bad can do to many bad things to me that I am not even trying to have. Exercise, well I do that but not like I should. However I never did in the past so I don't beat myself up that I don't run to the gym 5 times a week. I will not beat myself up for not being perfect. I try to just say tomorrow is another day and this is what I need to work on etc.... We are our own worst enemies and I have no one to blame for the mistakes I make but myself. The head hunger isn't to bad. Some days are worse then others. I just try to drink water or do something else. One thing though no matter what I never eat to much because I get sick if I over do anything. So far my labs are good. The other half of my B vitamins didn't come back as of last week but no one has called me to tell me anything was wrong so I am not sure there. I am 3 pounds from my goal. I guess I am considered a success. My surgeon doesn't say much about weather I am at a good weight or doing good or what ever. He just say's oh you lost more weight. My primary care doctor was never one to give a compliment so I take nothing from these guys to be better then something negative. Shannon

Thanks for the reply, Shannon! I guess a lifetime of being a weightloss failure, it's hard to feel like a successful loser!! Congrats on your journey! Beth

You know it is hard at times to feel like a successful loser. I am so use to a lifetime of failure with weight loss that sometimes I wait for the dream to be over. I go to look in the mirror half expecting to see the last year face staring back at me. I remember so many times going to bed and wishing that i'd wake up thin. Well of course that never happened. I think one thing I wasn't prepared for was how to handle these new changes. I know I need to seek the help of a professional. Not because I am afraid I might screw everything up but because I feel like I have no idea how to live like a "thin" person. I know that doesn't have anything to do with the head hunger issue but it really me me think so I just wanted to share it. Shannon

Yes! That's it! I used to fantasize about the same thing---waking up thin! In a way, it happened. One year from MO to "normal" is a fantasy I never thought possible. Personally, I think the head hunger and the feelings that I'm going to screw this up go hand-in-hand. Thanks again, Shannon. You nailed it on the head. Time to work on the inner self so we can fully enjoy the outer self! Beth

Now I don't really believe in the "positive thinking" thing, but one thing that has helped me was making a tape of "positive messages" to myself and playing them each night as I go to sleep. I recorded things like "I enjoy exercise" "I always make wise food choices" "I deserve to be thin" etc, etc. Not ALL of these are "completely" true all the time, but I am hoping that they will "become" true by hearing them often. You are a VERY successful RNY person, it is just hard to accept success after sooooooooooo many years of failure! After so many years of wishing I would wake up thin, I am now afraid of "waking up fat" again!!! What a nightmare. But, I know that it is not going to happen anymore than waking up thin was going to happen!!! Keep on keeping on. You're doing great!! Blessings, Pam