Cant hardly beleive this

Oct 2003-I am actually sitting here and I can't believe that I ate 4 frozen cheesecakes just to pass the time last wk... or the fact that I ate at a fast food place and then went out to eat with SUPERMAN... man I am sooo miserable that I cant stand it. People stare at me or even if they don't look I know they are... I keep telling myself that I am a beautiful gal but that never seems to work... The mirrors tell me the truth and that is I don't know who or what I have become. And it really sucks. I have thought of just leaving but every place is the same... just different situations... If I could go out and drink and it will make the pain go away... but I don't have enough time to drink up the rest of my life. And Avery deserves better then that... I can't play with her shoot to change a diaper is a chore. I hurt all the time. Poor SUPERMAN has to play all the rolls by himself. I don't even sleep ... I can't keep a clean house... and I don't even get dressed anymore... What's wrong with me...? I JUST DON'T CARE BC I AM TO FAT TO LIVE THIS WAY!!! K I guess I need to sum this up... this was me a yr and a half ago... As you can see I HATED life and myself... the only thing that kept me even going was my SUPER GIRL I thought so many times of just running away from it all but I couldn't because I would miss her and SUPERMAN so much. I knew that I couldn't just drop 200 lbs in one night... so I went for help the docs told me that they were not going to put me on any diet pills... my face dropped I sat there and cried ... I didn't even wait to hear the rest. Avery started to get fussy and I climbed off the table and was trying to care for her with the staring of the pcm and me huffing... I stood up with more tears and said why can't you see that I need help... I haven't held my child in 3 months bc I don't want to lose balance and drop her again. The doc sat there and said that's why I do want to help you... Have you heard of Gastric Bypass...? After that day I knew that I had to have it... even though I had been researching it for 3 yrs. I walked into surgery 5 months later. In those 5 months I had learned so much about me and that I had a stomach disease and that was causing me to gain wt bc the stomach couldn't break food down... I weighed in at 348 lbs .. . Now after 1 yr I have dropped 155 lbs. I can run, I can pick up my baby and I feel like I belong in the arms of my SUPERMAN again. My life has really changed and its all bc of the help and the support that I get here at OH, and my family and my 2 major supporters... SUPERMAN & Super Girl. For the last 17 months I finally felt like I belonged to a real family... not one that judges me or says things to hurt me... But one that is always there... there is sooo many of you here that have helped me on my way, there is also a few that really burned me for things, and when I need a good swift kick in the A--, ur always there. I will admit that I don't know it all about this new way of life ... BUT I try my hardest... and that's all that we can do. -But all in all do I think I look great...? HELL YEAH but only with clothes on... lol -Do I miss my old life? Nope not at all -Do I morn the food that I will never get to eat again...? UHHH No bc I am learning new ways to cook... -Do I miss the stares from everyone? No, but getting whistled at was a little odd at first...lol -Do I miss shopping in the tent areas for clothes? NO -Am I grateful for all that I have now?? Yes. -Am I healthy? To me I am ... the charts still say overweight but that's k bc I feel great I guess what I am getting at is this isn't easy at all... shoot I think the waiting for the approval was the hardest part. Would I do this all again.... DUH in a heartbeat. Manda Davis 9-9-04 ~155 lbs

Manda - Great post! I am about in tears right now after reading it! I'm sure most if not all of us can relate to alot of what you said! Thanks for opening up and sharing like that. You have had amazing success as a result of your desire and all your effort. And it sounds as if your self esteem has SOARED! Congrats and continued success! Love, Sandy (268/143/136)

Wow, when I first started reading that I was like OMG how horrible but then as I read on I thought to myself she is talking about me. I can't say enough about what you were going through because I know how it feels. Just like you I was unable to do anything with my daughter. She never saw me get off the couch cause I couldn't move. I couldn't even make love to my husband. Life is so much greater. Thanks for posting because it is really nice to see that your doing better and that life is treating you so much better. """"WHISTLE"""" Shannon