I'm so ashamed!

Well, here is my confession. I'm embarassed and ashamed. It seems like several times a week I just have a compulsion to eat things I know I should not. It's like I have no control over myself and I hate it. Today was one of those days. I started off OK with my morning decaf and later on I had my South Beach peanut butter bar. Then 11:00 came. I went to the cafeteria that we have at work. They had meat lasagna and I knew I had to have it. It was so premeditated that I had to go to the credit union to get more money. I entered the cafeteria and was about 10 yards from the line when I ran into someone I used to work with who hadn't seen me in awhile. She spent the next 5 minutes complimenting me on how I looked and remarking on how much personal strength I must have. Of course I felt very undeserving since I was minutes away from shoving meat lasagna and a roll and butter into my mouth! I forced myself into the direction of the salad bar and I made myself a large filling salad without regard to calories. Everything in my salad was OK to have although I'm sure it was alot of calories--lots of cheese and some chicken salad and real blue cheese dressing. But now I am back at my desk feeling full. What is wrong with me??? I have been at this 8+ months and I am sick of the restrictions sometimes. I am so close to my goal. Why am I sabotaging myself? Today I am tired and feeling stressed, I'm sure that doesn't help. And I haven't had my period in a few months (no chance of you know what!). Well, I just had to get this in writing. Thanks for listening. XO, Sandy (268/158/136)

I know that every surgeon has their own guidelines that they want their patients to follow, and I have heard a lot of different guidelines. Other than my daily vitamins, the only other guidline I follow is to make sure I get plenty of protein. After my 3 month follow up my surgeon turned me loose on a "Normal Diet". Of course I watch my fat content, too much fat and I have really loose stools. I also watch my sugar content my own personal limit is about 25 g, which is up from about 6 g right after surgery. I try to eat a balanced diet, I eat plenty of protein, vegetables, and carbs. I don't see anything wrong with enjoying the food you love, as long as you tolerate it physically and you do it all in moderation.

Sandy, First off (((((((((hugs)))))))))))) ! You need to stop beating yourself up. It's really unproductive and usually backfires anyway. I totally agree with Dennis. That is how I am living my life, and many of the people on the california board seem to be also. You do have remarkable personal strength. That didn't get negated because lasagna and a roll sounded good to you. We will always struggle with food and cravings, we've medicated ourselves with food for so long. I believe it's unrealistic to assume you will be on a strict diet for the rest of your life. I think that this tool gives us the extra measure of control that normal weight people have, to make it possible to eat right and get to/ stay at normal weight. It doesn't eliminate all the struggles. I hope you feel better, I know that most of us here, if not all of us, can relate to what you're feeling. Yesterday was tough for me, today is way better. I try to remember that when I'm struggling. Love ya Sandy, you'll be fine. ~Sue

no need to feel ashamed...it will be a battle for us for the rest of our lives...i have slacked off and it is showing..in so far as no weight losss in a month...now I have upped that protein and seems to have helped...but with that lasagna no reason you could not have had a few bites and may have been better to have had those couple of bites...and heck i have just had to have something and i get it and a couple of bites and i am done with it...sometimes one bite is all i get cos it was not as good as i thought it was gonna be....

Thank you for your honesty. We all fall, and like others have said on the board, you gotta pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and start over again (Is that a song?). I've done it too, and have been disgusted by it, but then I look back and remember who I was, and where I am now, which helps me to think twice before putting something less healthy in my mouth. I was obssessed with "Gripz" they're packets of tiny cheezits. One pack every few days, grew into a pack a day, then in no time, it became three and four packs every day!!! Plus, they were on sale at Walmart, so a box that would last me a week (nine packs), would disappear in a day and a half. I was so mad at myself. My husband was afraid to say anything to me for fear he would hurt my feelings, but I saw his face one day while I was getting another pack to "snack" on... Well, that was three weeks ago, and I haven't bought another box since. Thanks again for sharing. It helps the rest of us to take a good look at our progress and recognize that we are all subject to a fall here and there. Grace