Waterworks

Hi Everyone Hope you are all doing better than what I am feeling right now! As I type this I am sitting here crying because my husband has been arguing with me about--what else??? $$$$ I made the mistake of showing him a pair of melon capris and asking him if a navy blue shirt would go with them. He then proceeded to ask me how much I have spent on clothes? I told him around $400.00 whi*****ludes summer tops, pants, capris, bras. I have not gotten any new outdoor jackets and am still wearing 3X. I told him that this is pretty reasonable for women's clothes but he still had a s**t fit! He told me that he is going to take away my credit cards and stop his paycheck from direct deposit. I should add that we live a comfortable lifestyle within our means. I told him I did not charge these clothes but used the money from my inheritance from my Mother. He told me that I am a liar, I should have paid some bills with my inheritance which I did--He knew that as I lost weight I would need clothes. In fact, I told him I was going to order some new clothes. He had no problem with this at the time but now you would think I purchased a million dollar wardrobe. What does he expect me to do? Still wear my size 3X when I am now a Medium (12/14)? I am so upset. Here I thought he liked me looking nice with fitted clothes but now I am beginning to think otherwise. I didn't even buy a bathing suit but took the one my daughter purchased for herself that was too small and would not be my choice but because it could not be returned my bathing suit choice was decided for me. Right now I HATE HIM! I was feeling so good about myself but now my self esteem has plummetted to nothing, I am sorry for telling you all this but I knew you would all understand what I am feeling and may have even gone through this. Now what am I supposed to do when the fall comes and I have to buy winter clothes? Do I have to keep feeling guilty everytime I buy something that fits me? Marianne

You poor thing! I don't think they realise that we have a double edged sword! 1. We don't have anything that fits well! I don't want to wear baggy anymore. Not even t-shirts! 2. We look good so it's hard not to shop! It sounds like you didn't do anything wrong to me. My husband worried when he saw what I spent on underwear! You can't get that in a second hand store! It's all pretty and matching and it makes me feel good about myself, which is someplace I haven't been for years! I do shop the goodwill for jeans and shirts. I watch for sale prices and coupons at fashion bug cause I know my size keeps changing. BUT I have put my husband on warning. I am no longer a "cheap date"!(except of course at a bar or in a restaurant) He is lucky that I am not a shoe and bag nut as well! I hope he calms down for you but don't feel bad about dressing yourself well now that you look good! Big Hug!!!!!!!!!! (you!) (me!) (the rest of our September gang!)

Marianne I am sorry you are feeling down at a time when you should be feeling better. Maybe you caught your husband at a bad time, or maybe he thinks you should of spent only $100.00. I am sure this will blow over and when he sees you looking fine in your new clothes he will feel bad and apologize. Take care and this too shall pass. Janice

I just had to answer and let you know I have gone through an experience like yours. Mine was years ago over children's clothes but just as terrible. Keep your head up and know you did no wrong. A marriage is a partnership of two equals where your needs should also be equal. Would he wear clothes way too big himself? I pray your husband will come to his senses soon for both your sakes. Mine did over the years and has actually been great about my clothes now. Keep your chin up and wear those new clothes proudly!! :thunmbsup: Sharon

Dear Marianne - I am so sorry you are going through this with your husband! You do not deserve to be treated that way! I understand somewhat how you feel. From the time of my surgery through February my husband was unbelievably supportive and loving and he couldn't do enough for me and complimented me nonstop. It felt great because our marriage was shaky before the surgery and a factor was definitely my weight. Beginning around the middle of February I started to get out and about more and of course saw many people and began to get showered with compliments. When compliments came from others, my husband's stopped! I told him that his compliments mattered more than anything and that's what kept me going but it didn't seem to matter. He doesn't compliment me or support me anymore. He doesn't sabotage me either but my weight loss is no longer an issue. He promised me a trip to a local B&B that I've been dying to go to when I got halfway to my goal. That never happened. My husband needs to lose about 40 pounds and I'm beginning to think he might feel threatened by new shape and lifestyle. People compliment me and flirt with me and I am vivacious by nature, plus I'm going to the gym every day and playing tennis and brimming with energy and happiness. I really believe he's feeling "left behind" even though I attempt to include him in all my actions and decisions! It's ironic I'm getting so much attention from others when it's his that I crave. But, I will NOT let him hold me back! I've come too far. I still have the impulse to eat when we have a fight but I'm able to resist 99 percent of the time. Spending money has not been an issue because I spend my "own" money from my paycheck (I work part-time) and he sees that I shop at Wal-Mart, Target and other discount stores. My conclusion is that my husband feels threatened on some level. Yours too perhaps? Who knows? Hopefully he will get over it and apologize to you. Let us know sweetie, hang in there! Love, Sandy ((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))

Hey Marianne, Sorry he is being such a poop. Is he always so unreasonable or is this out of character for him? The money portion I can somewhat understand, even if he did overreact, but calling you a liar is terrible. I have learned that men can get hormonal too, especially as they get older. Is your dh always this moody or is he feeling left out, as Sandy talked about? I hope you guys can talk when you're both calmer and you can explain to him that you NEED to get yourself some things, you'll be NEEDING more next season and most of all you need his support and understanding. I hope he calms down and sees that he hurt you unnecessarily. Hugs to you and I hope today is a better day. Love, Sue

Hi Marianne, I to am sorry your hubby is being a "poop" Mine also checks the balance of the check books and complaines. As I am still loosing weight I shop at a local Consignment shop. I got a great pair of size 14 jeans just a month ago for only $5.00. Today I got a size 8 from the same place for $5.00 as well. I have had to buy some good clothes for work, but I grow out of them so fast that it is ( what a problem to have! ) no fun to go shopping at the regular store......just YET! my hubby and I also had a rough spot... I am not sure why, but I did feel that maybe he was jealouse of my weight loss. He is the one that can loose 20 pounds just thinking about it. but in the past year or so has gained some. ( 6'2 and about 220) We also moved to a new state for his job so the stress of it all has been hard on all of us. I thought we were heading for a divorce. He is also not happy with the many medical appointments I have had since surgery ( complications and diabeties still as problem) New isnurance.... so much of thisis considered pre-existing conditions with limited coverage for a year. He and out children are very healthy. so this has always been a hard issue for him. We are now seing a therapist and things seems to going fine. I also was able to get a new job in my field and now that I have my income again, I think he feels less responcible for the total family picture. I do hope you and your hubby can find a happy meeting point. It would be so sad to loose so much more than the weight. Lisa