Uncomfortable experience - brought back bad memories.

OK, I've lost 92 pounds. I'm still not thin in fact the scale says I'm still obese til I get down to 163 and then I'll "just" be overweight. But, I feel like I've been blending into society looking like a "normal" person, do you know what I mean? Not fan, not thin. I had to fast for my 6 month blood work today. So I ate dinner last night and ended up going to sleep kinda early. I got to the lab at 10:45 and had to wait 2 HOURS! Then by the time they drained my body of what seemed like all of my remaining blood, it was after 1 pm and I was getting rumblies in my tumbly. I went over to Cheeburger Cheeburger for one of their great salads with sliced chicken. I thought I would sit at the counter since I was alone. I started to seat myself on a stool between two people (thin people I might add) and the manager came over and said "ma'am, perhaps you'd be more comfortable at a table." I was offended and hurt! I mean seriously, I'm a size 12, I look NORMAL! It brought back all those awful fat person feelings from a mere six months ago, they just flooded over me! I responded kinda smart alecky "do I exceed the weight restriction for the stools?" He looked shocked and said that no, he thought I would just be more comfortable since the stools are close together. Just when you feel great something happens to knock you down a peg. Well I blew it off and ordered my salad and brought half home. It just makes me wonder where I stand. Part of me feels kind of like a fraud, like I'm passing myself off as a "normal" person. The other part knows I have worked hard for this. Well, sorry to ramble, just needed to vent and recognize that those old feelings are truly just below the surface of the new me. I've been on such a high I haven't felt them for a long while and even before my surgery I was probably in denial. Hugs, Sandy 268/176/136

Next time.. kick 'em!

I am truely sorry you had such a bad experience, but you need to remember that we can change ourselves but we cannot change others. There will also be people out there that think they are better than the rest of us. Just remember we can fix ourselves. We can loss weight, but those type of people will always be ignorant, arrogant horses' behinds. So while we are working on improving ourselves they can live in their own gutter of a mind. Never let them get you down, because you have them beat by a county mile. Sherry

Sandy, These kinds of thoughts go through my head all the time. I often feel like people are looking at me and judging my weight, and then I remember that they probably aren't because I'm not that overweight anymore. It sounds to me like he wasn't saying anything in regards to your weight, but you still carry the old defense mechanism and jumped to that conclusion. It's hard to get rid of all the defenses we've built up all these years. For example, when I flew the week before last, I was thinking no one would want to sit next to me since I was fat. It's bizarre to realize how much negative dialogue was a part of our normal thinking before, and really, really strange to think it's not necessary anymore! Sorry you got upset! Hugs back at ya, we have so much to be grateful for! I silently bless every large person I see now because I know it is not easy. Love, Sue

Sandy, We are just at about the same starting weight (pre-surgery), aprox. the same weight now, and at the same size (size 12). I think I know how you are feeling. I'll look in the mirror and think, Yeah I look good today, but when I step outside and people look at me I always wonder what they're thinking. Like if I look to fat, or the clothes I chose are to tight for "someone my size." I think a lot of it is our own insecurities and the negativness we still feel toward ourselves for being overweight for so long. I imagine that is going to take a while to get through that but just remember how you've come. I'm sure you look great in a size 12, but I don't think we're suppose to be done losing yet. Keep your chin up and think of your accomplishments thuis far, and then look to the future, a vast array of opportunities. He probably didn't mean anything bad by it but maybe this will help. Here is my motto "Let people be ignorant, because I know I am better than that, and the way I live my life shows it, the way the ignorant people live their life will show also." Anyway, good luck with you continuing weight loss. You're doing great. /260/170/130 Christina (sorry if I rambled)

The thing Sandy is that sometimes our minds/ears plays tricks - playing devils' advocate - the man could have made an innocent suggestion - as you said - he said "would youl like a table" ...unless you think he did it malicioulsly? And then you ended up hurt. But I understand how you feel..we have to be sure that people are not mal-intention as to what they say.they don't know us from before - and it may be an innocent comment. I hope you are feeling better today - you've come such a long way - to let anything like this be a setback. I had chastized a friend that I recently met - and then I had to apologize - cause I said - I'm sorry I thought you said that - and you haven't seen me Before I was when I was heavier, so I had to take a few toes out of my mouth..