"You look sick"

I'm so upset right now. My hubby has been away for 2 1/2 months (for work) and finally got home a few days ago. He was here for the first few months after surgery and was very supportive. Since he's been gone I've lost quite a bit more but also lost quite a few inches. When he saw me after returning, all he said is "you've changed." I asked him what he meant but he didn't really answer. So I asked him again last night what he thought, he told me "you look sick." I asked him if he liked the weight loss but again all he said is that I look sick. He's never been a complimentry guy, but he sure could have did better than that. My last comment to him before I went to sleep was "This is how it is, I'm not going to be fat anymore." Has anyone else gone through this? Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. Chris

Chris, I am sorry that he didn't give you anything more to go by other then you look sick. When people see me I haven't seen in a while I have been getting "you shrunk". I am waiting for someone to ask me if I am sick because of the hair loss etc but so far no. My husband see's me daily so the weight loss is something he's seen from start to finish. With the way some of us are loosing 2 months can be along time. Maybe because he hasn't seen you in a while he really didn't know how to react. Making excuses isn't the way I want to go but since I don't know him I can't really say for sure why he said it or what he really mean't by it. I hope your ok and know that you look great and your right, your not going to be fat again and this is how it is going to be. Be proud of you cause you've come a long way and your doing great. Shannon

Chris, Husbands can be so insensitive sometimes can't they?! Sorry about the comment. Keep your chin up! He's probably just concerned. You might look dramatically different, and I think that's hard for people to adjust. He'll get over it. You are doing great!! Warm wishes~Katie

Awwww Honey!! Bless your heart! What a "cruel" thing to say to someone who has worked so hard and made such drastic decisions. Just chalk it up to him "being a man"!!! I don't have a DH, but I know how insensitive men in general can be!! I too think that he was just kinda "shocked" and will get used to the new you soon enough!! Maybe you should show him what a "new woman" is reeeaallyyy like, if you get my drift!!! Please KNOW that the rest of us don't think you look sick at all. We think you're BEAUTIFUL!!! Love, Pam

Hi Chris, Sorry your guy didn't hear how that would sound to you. As the old saying goes, "change is hard!" and in his eyes, you just changed overnight. I remember when my neighbor was losing weight with weigh****chers and she lost about 50 lbs. Not only did her husband NOT come up with one nice thing to say to her about it... (and he is the sweetest guy, a very good man...) but, I remember many of us, her friends, noting how tired she looked. She looked different. Her body looked great, but her face seemed to age suddenly. OK, now for the good news... her face bounced back! After her weight stabilized for a few months, her face looked great! I wonder if she was just dehydrated, or her skin was stressed with the weight loss, or ??? I don't know, but it gives me hope! Because some people have told me that I look tired and/or pale. Oh, and one more thing!!! I read on the Q&A board on this site the other day, about a lady who noticed her boobs plumped up two years post op after being deflated after she lost her weight! OK now i doubt this will ever happen to me, but it does make you believe in miracles a bit! ~Sue

Thanks everybody! All your positivity makes me feel much better. Chris

If he won't tell you what he's feeling you'll never really know. He'll come around in time. My DH was against it in the beginning but he's my #1 supporter now. He tells me almost daily how good I look in one outfit or another and i'm still 219 lbs. It's very comforting and I hope your DH will be the same for you soon. Hugs going your way sweetie! Bev