the next day. . . thanks everyone

Well, I survived last night. It was a rough night. My mind kept racing about what I "should" have done or said. I keep thinking that I should have said or done SOMETHING! I mean, I just ran out of the room. I should have slapped him. . or at least threatened him within an inch of his life if he didn't get his freaking fingers off me. But in the end, I can't focus on "should haves." I ended up calling the national sexual assault hotline. They were helpful. They made a record of the incident and encouraged me to contact the police. I did speak with a detective at our local PD, but I haven't gone down there to file the report yet. I had a sick child today. I did however, at the suggestion of both the detective and sexual assault counselor, sit down and type out everything that happened. . . so I have an accurate description of the incident. I think I am also beating myself up about this: In the overall scheme of things, my sexual assault was minor. I mean, there are far more violent and horrendous ways to be sexually assaulted. I really feel guilty for feeling this level of being violated when there are women out there who have suffered so much more. kwim? I mean, after experiencing this, I cannot even begin to imagine what it would be like to be a victim of rape. How horrifying and tragic. Anyway, I just wanted to send my SINCEREST thanks to everyone for helping me through yesterday. I honesty don't know what I would have done without your support. I have never experienced anything like that before, and to be honest, I was kind of wondering if this JERK would have done the same if I was still fat! Thanks a lot! ((( HUGS ))) Leslie

I am so glad you talked to some one and they listened to you. They were right for telling you to write it all down. As time goes on details always get lost in the mind. I can tell you from experience that no matter what kind of sexual assualt it is always horrible for the person going through it. I know that once all is said and done you will feel better about having done something. Also about you not saying anything to him when it happened. I honestly believe if I were in your same position I wouldn't have said anything to the guy. Like you said you had 2 young girls there not to mention another man outside your home. Dealing with it like you were un phased was the best thing to do. I hope your ok and I really hope you continue to confide in people when ever your down and need some help. Shannon

Hi Leslie, I'm glad you are feeling better today. Our family just went through a similar experience. My niece, a teenager, was home alone for 20 minutes when a soliciter came to the door. She answered it thinking it was me there to take her to soccer. Though she had the presence of mind to say her father was in the shower, the man appeared to realize that she was just saying that and proceeded to speak very inappropriately to her, telling her she was gorgeous and asking if she'd date an older man. He didn't touch her but asked some questions such as what kind of car does your mom drive, which made us wonder if he was planning on returning when he didn't see that kind of car in the driveway... We were so upset and scared and faced the same type of dilemna about reporting him. We wanted to but HE KNOWS WHERE SHE LIVES and we were afraid of him returning to retaliate for being reported. Her parents did end up reporting him to the company he was going door to door for, as well as to the police, who said there was nothing they could really do. Of course my niece is not staying home alone, but we are all still nervous. Chances are he was just messing with her, but it is scary that people like that can just come up to your door or into your house, as happened to you. My friend just told me a similar story about a home alarm installer coming on to her 14 year old daughter. I'm sure stuff like this happens all the time. But it is so scary to suddenly feel so vulnerable to bad people. I'm sorry you went through this and I hope the next time these guys decide to mess with some unsuspecting female, she will turn out to be a cop or a martial arts expert and the creepy guys will get what's coming to them! ~Sue

That is so scary about your niece. When I called the detective here in town, he said that he had Direct TV installed at his house several months ago. He said that the installers showed up DRUNK and even cusses at his son. He kicked them out of his house and called Direct TV and new installers were sent out that same day. I guess this must be some kind of trend with these jerks. Sad. As for me, I do think I'm on the healing side of this (except for the last person who posted under my "help" thread and told me to grow up). It's sad, but I've learned so much through this. First, the counselor at the National Sexual assault hotline told me that the vast majority of sexual assaults are not reported to the police - and it's mostly b/c of the feelings individuals have when they are assaulted. There's shame, guilt, embarassment, and just about every other feeling in the spectrum. I know that too b/c I've experienced them all. But there is also this TERRIBLE double standard for women. I mean, if a man rapes a woman who is sitting on a curb at 2:00 am. . .the poor woman is going to be criticized on everything from "WHY" was she outside at 2:00 am to the clothes she was wearing. No other crime turns on the victim like sexual assault. Some idiots still believe that women "have it coming." Anyway, hopefully, our society will change someday . . ..