Finally got a picture...

Hello my sept buddies As you can see I finally put a face to my name. Hopefully I don't scare to many people! Anyway alittle update on me.....I'm in a size 14 pants (just found that out yesterday and thrilled as can be) and a medium shirt. I have lost 61 lbs and I'm 39 lbs from goal. Things are going really good in my life...except in my marriage. Not that anything has really changed in my marriage just that I'm sick of being alone and lonely but "married". My husband leaves almost every night after I get home from work (around 6:30-7pm) and stays gone til 11pm-2-3am. I don't feel it is right for a married man to leave at night much less stay gone that long. My husband loved me when I was at my heaviest and really loves the changes in me now....but I don't understand why he doesnt really want to spend time with me. I know I'm stupid and shouldnt put up with it but i do love him and have spent the last 11 yrs with him but how much is enough? Sorry for venting...but I really needed that! Hugs, Rebecca 238/177/138 5'6"

Rebecca, Way to go! You've come a long way, I can't wait to be in a 14. Your picture is beautiful. As far as you and your hubby, I can only say that if you're not happy with how things are, maybe see if he will sit down and talk with you. I know my hubby has told me from the begining that he likes big girls and he hopes I don't get too small. I'm not too worried about it sometimes I think he's kidding, but other times I'm not so sure... I don't think you're stupid at all, I think you are comfortably in love. When it gets to where you feel confident enough to confront him about the situation you will feel much better and maybe he will change his ways. You never know. Feel free to email anytime. God Bless! Jo

Well first of all congrats on the weight loss and how close you are to your goal. How amazing for you. Being in a medium is great. You must feel wonderful when you put on those clothes. As far as the husband issue. Well your right, it does suck. My husband loved me heavy and loves me thin but my issue is the intamacy. I figured if I took off the weight that he'd be more interested but he plainly isn't. He comes from a family *****ally isn't into sex. His sister's husband warned me that we'd start a support group for one another on how to deal with the lack of sex. I figured it was a joke but unfortunantly it isn't. I love my husband, going on 7 years married but sometimes I wonder if I am happy or if I am just scared to move on. Latley when I see my future I don't see him in it. Which makes me feel guilty because I really didn't think losing weight would make me want to lose my hubby. I guess I am seeing that my lack of self confidence is what may have made me hold on to something that might have been dying years ago. I am trying to make a conscience effort but I know in my heart if things don't change my marriage is going to fall down the tubes. I wish you the best and I hope your able to be brave enough to make the right decision's for yourself. Keep up the great work with losing the weight and I hope you get to goal soon. Shannon

Perhaps you should think about trying counseling. If he won't go then maybe you could go. I've been married 27 years but when we'd been married six years we were ready to separate. Instead, we tried marriage counseling. He worked for a company that provided free employee counseling. Our counselor was awesome and got us to begin communicating. It really helped. My husband was doing the same thing--going to a buddy's house to do hobby stuff or going to a club meeting, etc. He wasn't out partying or anything like that but I couldn't understand why he wans't at home. Part of it was because we were communicating well. I think it's always worth talking through things and if that doesn't work then going to a counselor to help you talk through things. The counselor did things like give us tests and then have us share our answers with each other. He got us to rediscover why we got married in the first place. It was a great experience and what we learned there with God's help has carried us through 27 years of marriage. During this process I felt God had me give him up, let him go. I had to stop holding on so tight. When I did that, God gave him back to me. After he and I went to counseling, I continued going for awhile. It really helped me deal with the rejection I had felt for him. We have a great relationship now and he has stuck with me through thick and thin. Earlier in our marriage he wanted me to lose weight. Then, he stopped asking me to do that. Finally when I did the gastric bypass, I really did it for me, to be healthy and live longer.

Rebecca, First off, about your picture... You look gorgeous! Actually, you look DONE! That extra five inches of height you have over me makes quite a difference in how the weight is distributed because our numbers are really close and I am so NOT done!! Re: your hubby, I'm sorry you are hurting from this situation. As we shed the weight, they say our perspective changes in so many other areas of our life. If he is a good man and he loves you, maybe you guys can get some couples therapy to help him understand how this is hurting you. Perhaps if he sees that his behavior may cost him his marriage, he can change his ways over time. If not, then there may come a time when you decide you no longer can stay with someone who has no regard for your feelings. I wish you the best and will pray for you guys. Love, Sue