What do you tell people?

I apologize if I am posting a repeat question, I looked back, but couldn't find one, so if you don't mind me asking... My family and closest friends know that I have had surgery, but not those friends that aren't close. I am just curious as to this question: Do you tell other people about your surgery? Or what do you say when people ask for your "weight loss secret"? Will you only tell certain people? Those types of questions.... Now to answer my own questions, I am very selective who I tell because I had some skinny friends who were really against this surgery pre-op giving me that good ole speech about if I would just eat right and stuff ... yeah, like I haven't tried that diet 700 thousand times before! Usually I will sometimes tell someone who seems to struggle like I did, because I feel they will know where I am coming from. So, I started a new job and there is one person I have actually told here, but everyone notices (of course, when you lose like 25 pounds in one month, people notice) I've even had one person come up to me worried about me - how sweeeeet! However, I'm at a loss for words because I don't want to be ridiculed again or looked down on because you know how some people view this stuff. I was really just wondering if anyone feels the same way or how you handle it .. those kinds of things. Thank you so much in advance for any response. Have a Happy New Year!! Trudi 266/191/140

First thing i am gonna say...way to go on the weight loss...with me...i do not care who knows what i have done...I struggled for years i would try any dumb ass idea there was...including a staple in my ear...most of the people i know are very supportive and know i did the right thing for me...my dumb step daughter is the only one who has said anything about taking the easy way out and i have to take the source there....and oh well to anyone else who has any smart remarks....I am loving this new life... 293/265/196/?

personally if i dont know the person and they come to me sayin i wish i looked like you... thats when i pull out the pic of me 3 months ago and then i go on to tell them hey it was the best thing i ever did.... i know at my HS reunion i am gonna be asked questions and u know what bc they were all so rude to me i think i will just say well it took a lot of exercise and sex from my good ol Marine... but if i can help people to get get them to where i am at i tell them.... Manda ~97 lbs 09-09-04

Trudy, you hit the nail on the head with this question! I know just what you are saying. I have the same problem. I have only told a hand full of people and one of them I'm am sorry that I told as she is always calling and saying "how much have you lots today". I did this for health. Not weight loss. If I have a great weight loss, so be it. I am a revision of a 35 year old surgery that had side effects that were killing my kidneys. I am down 45 # since surgery. I didn't have as much to loose as some, I am a revision so that slows the weight loss down, and I'm 57 so that I am told will slow things down too! My surgery lasted over 6 hours, I was very sick with the kidney thing for 6 years. I was on a restrictive diet with no fruits and veggies for 5 years! I have a neighbor who got right in my face while on a walk to the corner very early on...who said "SO EXACTLY WHAT DID YOU HAVE DONE"! I could hardly walk at this point and was in no mood for her...and I said (with my husband holding my arm as I walked as I would never have made it without him) "I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT! That didn't make her go away!...she proceeded to walk with us to the corner and back...only talking to my husband. As you may have figured...she is the nosiest person in the neighborhood and the story would have been all around in 15 minutes! I sometimes think that there is an alarm on her house that goes off every time there is movement on the street...she jumps to the window...and makes her comments... She is not alone. My brother-in-law and his wife have done the same thing to me. "SO EXACTLY WHAT DID YOU HAVE DONE"! "SO WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE OPERATION YOU HAD"! This is a good one...they even had their daughter call our daughter and ask her the same questions...but she said..."SO WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE OPERATION SHE HAD, AND HOW DO YOU SPELL IT"! Our daughter said...I don't know, but you can call her and ask her if you want...all I know is that she is so much better now. JUST WAIT UNTIL THEY SEEM ME! THAT WON'T BE UNTIL AUGUST! I can just hear them now...I will wait until that time comes to tell them politely it's none of their business! Needless to say these people are on a need to know basis....AND THEY DON'T NEED TO KNOW! I hate pushy people who want all the juicy stuff from you so they can pass it along to people who don't even know you. OK, OK I know I'm getting carried away with this....but this irks me! So I'm am venting! This is the first time someone has asked the questing you did and I am so happy to get this off my chest. Thank you, Thank you! I too am a private person and would NEVER ask someone such a personal question. I would only said ...I'm so happy you are doing better, or It's nice to see you looking so healthy... or something like that...it they want to tell you they will... When I now run into people that I haven't seen in quite some time and they ask... WHAT ARE YOU DOING...I say that I am watching what I eat so I can be healthier. When they get specific as to what type program I am on....I just say that I am not following anyone's diet...just my own and it seems to be working. Then change the subject to them....most people like to talk about themselves or their families....so I ask about their kids or something.....you know.... So that's my story...I know how you feel. I just want to say that YOU seem to be on the right track and are doing so well. Happy New Year! Rosey

Isn't it funny how we worry about other people?? YOU tell people with what YOU are comfortable with.... I decided from the very beginning I was going to tell anyone who wanted to know anything about what I was going to do. If my experience could help one other morbidly obese person make an informed decision about their life, why not? Also, by dragging along my friends, co-workers and family along the journey, they were educated and became great supports. Of course, I have dealt with those negative folks who liked me better fatter. To them I say, "You see...I was always an anorexic wannabe but could never do it..So I had surgery so I could fulfill my wildest fantasy." That usually shuts them up!! I've heard it gets better as we approach "normal" weights...people will see us eating HEALTHY and are envious!!!! From a fellow loser! Beth -65

Hi Trudi and everyone I have told my close friends and family, and I have also told anyone who has asked me. My reasoning is that I know some of my friends will tell other friends anyway and I don't want to be in a situation where someone actually knows about it but I don't admit it and it looks like i am ashamed or hiding the fact that I had surgery. One thing that has amazed me is how ignorant so many people are about this surgery, so I think that openly talking about it will take it out of the realm of whispers and Jerry Springer type drama and into an expected treatment option if you are morbidly obese. You know, mean people will be mean if you are fat, thin, had surgery, whatever. They are just mean. Gossips will always find stuff to gossip about. I just say screw 'em. When I've talked to people who were against surgery, I made their heads spin with the FACTS about it and the risks of remaining a morbidly obese and out of control diabetic vs doing something about it that is clearly helping the majority of people courageous enough to go through with it. They usually leave me having learned something and telling other obese friends or family about it. I also have a friend that calls me all the time and asks "so how much have you lost now" but I know that we were always around the same weight, in fact, often mistaken for each other, but now I look very different and this is hard for her. She is trying to garner up the courage to do this. Mostly the responses have been supportive, also some ignorance such as... "gastric bypass... your heart???" or... "weight loss surgery as in liposuction?"(this was from a NURSE I know!!!) "oh you had your stomach stapled!" and very little negative, other than a couple people saying "I could never do that." to which I don't feel offended, actually I feel pity that they are stuck as they are and I know how hard that was to live that way. Oh, also my sister in law (not the brightest crayon in the box) said to me "Do you realize that EVERYONE who has this surgery gains back all of their weight within 2 years???" I had to set her straight too, lol. It's fine to be private, I don't go yelling that I had surgery to anyone who will listen, but if someone asks, I do tell them. But I agree this is a personal choice and everyone's cir****tances are different. You have to do what makes you feel safe and comfortable. ~Sue

If they ask I tell them I had surgery, if they don't ask then I just let them keep wondering. My hair is falling out so I am seriously waiting for someone to ask me if I am dying or something. Honestly, i didn't get a lot of ridicule. I had some scared people, family members when I was getting close to and then having my surgery. I have been pretty lucky that not many others have said much excpet you look good. I have been getting made fun of for such a huge part of my life that if a person was to say anything now about me not so nice I wouldn't give 2 sh**s. I know I look better and i feel better and I will just chalk it up to one of those jealous of my success. Shannon

The people at work know I had the surgery..my close friends know I had the surgery...one of my sister's, mother-in-law, and one sister-in-law know I had the surgery...the rest of my immediate and extended family and distant friends have no idea. I decided not to tell these people because first of all, they were not a part of my most intimate life, feelings and emotions when I was in the planning stages of WLS, so why should I include them now? I know this sounds harsh, but I have a sister who thinks she is God's gift to men and the world and has not spoken to me in years--and last year said to me "with disgust", What did you do to yourself? You really let yourself go to hell! This statement hurt me a great deal and it was because of her that I decided to stand strong and only tell those close to me in my immediate life. Anyone else I will say that it took alot of exercise and dieting to get me to where I am now. What ever you decide to tell people is up to you and you should not feel as though you owe people an explaination. Good luck Hugs Marianne

Well, I have taken a different approach and it seems to have worked for me. I agreed to do a story on my surgery with the local newspaper. They did a really good job explaining why people have WLS. I have no regrets. I have had many strangers that I run into wish me well. It's like the whole community is supporting me. I think when most people have the facts, they are supportive. The problem seems to be with the people who have not taken the time to get informed, but have made their judgements. Life is Good!

There's no shame in my game ! I tell them straight out. If they have something negative to say, I educate them on how wrong they are and move on. Most people are naieve to it or only see negative television shows and really do not know alot about it. If they are true friends, they will accept you completley or not at all.