Sabotage or Not??

Ok here's the deal, my boyfriend shows up at my home at 10:30pm he has three grocery bags of food. He is excited about what he found, Whiting fish, and wants to cook it up now. I have told him before don't come over here late at night trying to cook after our gym workouts. I live in a 700 sq. ft. home and the smell travels throughout the whole house waking my son, especially when he cooks pizza. Tonight I told him it is sabotage when he comes over outside of an appropriate mealtime and expect me to prepare him a meal or allow him to prepare a meal. He had his dinner at 6pm at his house before we met up at the gym; therefore I was not depriving him of nutrition. He is a slim man and doesn't struggle with his weight as I do. My whole life right now is all about losing weight and changing behaviors how could he continue sabotaging my efforts. The way this incident ended was he denied it was sabotage, told me that if I wanted to be his girlfriend I needed to accept that he is going to eat a lot of meals (yeah but not at my home after 10pm), he claimed I was rude for saying it was sabotage, he gobbled down a banana along with a momentum bar, and finally packed up all his groceries and left as fast as he came in. What do you think?

Linda... you might not like my response but you did ask. I have a DH and 4 kids (three which are still at home right now)... NONE of them battles their weight like I do and have for the past several years. I had surgery on Sept. 23rd with Dr. Van Wagner in St. Louis Mo and as of today have lost over 75lbs.. I changed how I looked at food long before I had the surgery. Food is fuel. That doesn't mean that it has to taste bad or that we shouldn't enjoy our meals. But bottom line. It is fuel. I don't let things get to me any more. If I'm out with friends and they want Carrot cake or a fudge sundae.... GO FOR IT!... If I'm at home (at anytime of the day mind you) and my family wants a snack .... even IF it is healthy... GO FOR IT... I have waged my battles and I have come out on the other end as a victor. There is NOTHING that anyone can put in my mouth that will be worth my precious weight loss so far. I applaud your efforts to change your lifestyle but in doing that you also need to realize that inclusion into a society that looks at food differently than "we" do is a must. I know it is hard. Damn hard at times but it is a mental thing.... make a cup of tea. That is what I do. Savor that tea... sip it slowly.... let them eat whatever it is that they want... remove the power that food has over you and you will be amazed at the burden lifted from your shoulders. Sabotage is a pretty severe term to use .... I would think that being clueless would be more appropriate.... and the fact that you are still struggling with your food issues is the real reason why it is bothering you so much. The closer one gets to the root of the problem ...the more apt it is to bother us... his eating when he wants is bothering you more than you might realize and that anger seems to be the root of your issues with him... (just my thoughts.... your mileage may vary *s*) again...I'm not trying to be a smart A but I have so been there and done that...and sweetie... it DOES get better..... I am so telling you the truth... let go of the anger and let go of the pain...and start living your life without the burdens.... ((HUGS)) Elizabeth~

HEY GIRL I THINK THAT PEOPLE THAT DON'T SUFFER FROM WEIGHT LOSS ISSUES CAN'T RELATE. OUR WORLD RESOLVES AROUND FOOD AT LEAST MINE DID BEFORE WLS AND EVERYDAY I WORK AT REPLACING THOSE OLD HABITS WITH GOOD ONES. FOOD IS ALWAYS GOING TO BE AROUND US BUT IT'S JUST FOOD IT'S NOT EVRYTHING. DON'T GET ME WRONG IT'S HARD I HAVE 2 TEENAGERS IN MY HOUSE AND WHEN THAT PIZZA IS DELIVERED YOU'D SWEAR I WAS A BLOOD HOUND SALIVATING . THIS IS LIFE THERE WILL ALWAYS BE PIZZA, DOUGHNUTS, BREAD CHOCOLATE AND DORITOS (" GIVES YOU A CLUE AT WHAT I USE TO EAT THAT GOT ME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE"... )AND WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT AND LOOK AT FOOD IN ANOTHER WAY. THAT'S MY 2 CENTS JUST AN IDEA EXPLAIN TO YOUR BF THAT RIGHT NOW DEALING WITH ALL THAT FOOD IN YOUR HOUSE IS MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE. AND COMPROMISE BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S SABOTAGE IT'S JUST MAY BE HARD FOR HIM TO RELATE.

Well, I'm a little more on "your side". I think that it is YOUR house and you should be able to say who cooks what and when!! I'm sure that you would not have had a problem with him going to his own house and cooking his own meal!! I don't necessarily think he was "intentionally" trying to sabotage you, but it could be a sub-concious thing. Maybe he likes you "fat" and doesn't really want you to lose weight. Or maybe he feels "threatened" by your weight loss! Or, maybe he's just like MOST men-- inconsiderate and uncaring! (Sorry guys) Anyway, that just mho!! I hope things work out for you if you want it to!!!

Ok...I wasn't going to stick my nose in this, but I am intrigued by the previous posts. I think he is just a guy and probably did not mean to upset you by cooking at your house so late. Also, I know where you are. My husband will bake warm chocolate chip cookies at 10pm and I am like what are you doing??? However, I feel like just b/c I shouldn't eat them doesn't mean he shouldn't. I mean he works all day and just wants something sweet before bed. Why should I begrudge him that?? It's my choice not to eat them. Temptation is hard. This whole thing is about changing our lives. I am a choc-o-holic. Right now there are bowls of chocolate around my house from a party we threw this weekend. I have wanted to eat it all, but have learned so far how to control myself. I am over being a slave to sugary foods. We all must learn to find ways to avoid temptation. I think it is right for you to set boundaries by saying please don't come over here and cook right before bed time. It benefits you and your son. I don't think he was sabotaging you on purpose. If he used to cook for you in the past--he might just be trying to be nice and show you he loves you by cooking you a rewarding meal after a work-out. It's a day to day thing. We learn as we go. Try not to be too hard on him or yourself! Just my two cents! -Katie 251/200/150