How would you take this??

I was walking out to my car today with my hubby and my daughter. I live across the street from my grandparents. Up until my daughter was born I never really talked to them much. Any way, she comes out to say hi to the baby. She starts off by telling me that my face is getting so thin and that I look great. Which of course I thought was very nice and I thanked her. Then she proceeds to say, "Wow, your actually pretty." Now would you (whoever's reading this) have taken that in a bad way or a good way? I said thanks got in my car and sat there for a little while trying to figure out if I was insulted. I know that fat isn't pretty but we are not defined by our weight. No matter how heavy we are still people and still human and I think if a person is pretty it shouldn't matter if they are heavy or thin. If she had said some thing like, wow you can see your facial features, you are such a beautiful girl. I would of course felt as I have been complimented. Saying I was actually pretty made me feel like before I lost the weight she thought I was ugly. Am I wrong???? Shannon

Hey Shannon What can I say It's my belief that people in general think it is ok to say anything they want if your overweight like "OH you have such a pretty face if only you loose weight" in which I have always found insulting. It's like saying "Oh your such a nice person if only you would have some plastic surgery or fix that huge nose or bug eyes" We would never say that to someone but yet you will find that people think that because your overweight they have the right to express anything as if your not fit for common courtesy. Don't sweat it.. Just think that we are getting a handle on one of our biggest problems and doing something about it which took a lot of courage. Well that's my 2 cents... Have a great Thanksgiving Day Laura

Hi Shannon! Let me give you the advice that my mother has always given me, "Don't let anyone steal your joy." You are doing great with the weightloss and you have to be happy with your progress so far. You need to guard your joy and not over analyze what your grandma said. You should take it as a positive that maybe didn't come out the way she meant it in her heart. We've all had times when we spoke before we really formed a perfect sentence. I think you should take it as a compliment and let the rest roll off. I'm sure she really meant to say, "Wow, you are beautiful!" We all know you are! Hugs! Julia

Hi Shannon, Here is my opinion... Maybe grandma isn't the warmest person anyway?? Can you imagine living across the street from your daughter's child and not talking to her very much?? Just from what I know of you on this board and our emails I can't picture you that way. Maybe I've got it wrong about her, and if so, I'm sorry, I hope I don't offend. In any case, she just didn't give that compliment to you in a tactful way, and you don't need to fret over her choice of words. Just accept the bottom line which is... HEY! YOU! You're pretty!! I've gotten remarks like this from people and I really think they don't hear themselves as we hear them. ~Sue

((( HUGS ))) Yeah. . it was easy to interpret that as insulting. But it doesn't sound like you had much of a relationship with her anyway. Just chalk it up to "she doesn't know any better." That sucks. This is somewhat off topic. . . . but I decided several years ago that I was going to love myself and allow myself to be happy no matter what my weight. I mean, I am the same person at 263 lbs as I was at 240 lbs (in the 8th grade! LOL). I'm the same person that always gives food to the hungry, donates clothes to shelters, and helps in any way that I can. BUT, people treat obese people differently. did you see that show last year (or the year before) where all the men were "nerds" and the woman was a beautiful Melana? She dressed in a "fat suit" to see how the men would treat her. She was heartbroken b/c she was the same person inside, but b/c of the fat suit, she was treated completely differently. It's sad. . . the way our society is. Anyway, HUGS about what your gma said!

Ugg sorry hun i think it also would have hurt my feelings but you know she did not mean it (ihope) I bet you were gorgeous than and now!!!

Georgous, NO way, but thanks for the compliment. I have a pretty low self esteem so before I think I am anything but fat I need to work on it. She is like that, actually both grandparents are. They say things where i guess they just don't think. Even if feelings do get hurt. I am fine with it though. Aside from that she does talk about how good I am looking so I can handle digs here and there. Thanks for the replies. Shannon