Surgery 09-15-2004 and I'm scared!!

I'm scheduled for open RNY 09-15-2004 and I am scared. I am not really afraid that I'll die, I feel confident that my health will be improved and that I have tried everything else out there ... But, my thoughts keep changing from "oh great, this is gonna be wonderful and I'll feel and look so good" to "yeah, but you've tried lots and lots of things before and always gained the weight plus more back ... and this will be a really public gain back if it happens after losing 100+ pounds!!" Is anyone else out there ready for surgery, hopeful and confident this is right to do, but scared that you'll mess it up somehow again or that you won't be able to live the life afterward to stay thinner and healthier? Maybe I'm alone in this ...??? Karen Thompson Open RNY 09-15-2004 305 lbs now hoping for less soon scared!!

Im scared too!! My surgery date is Sept 14th. I have never had surgery and im just nervous about the intubation and all. Im not worried about gaining it back. As long as you dont "over eat" you wont strech your pouch. Just keep your meals small, and eat only what your nutritionist says to. "WE" will do fine! Good luck!

Karen, I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one that is feeling like this. I thought that I was out of my mind!!!! I have wanted this for so long and am VERY happy about getting approved and scheduled (My surgery is 9/17, only 2 days after you!) and I am scared. I know that I will be fine through the surgery, it's just the afterwards, just like you. I have lost weight in the past (haven't we all) just to gain it all back +some, so it really is a scary thought if it could happen again. I just have to have faith in myself and know that I will follow the "rules" and will make healthier choices once I am back to eating "normal" food. I'm there with you ~ you're not alone. Kelly

I am unsure about what I will look like. I wonder what people are going to say when they see the thinner me. The people who know me that is. I mean, I know people judge you by how you look and it will be something for me to see how those people react afterwards. Then today I had like a kind of weird moment. My niece is 11, she will be 12 in April. She suffers from a weight problem. I love her dearly and we discuss it all the time when it is just the 2 of us chit chatting. Well I went over today to see my in-laws and nieces before my surgery. My niece starts school on Wed. and she was showing me the new school clothes her mom bought for her. I was shocked to see that she was now in a size 14-16. I really had no idea she gained that much weight. I think she actually gained about 30-40 pounds over the summer. Well that isn't the point, my point is that I was actually thinking that one day I could be in a smaller size then her and it kind of weirded me out. I never imagined being thinner then my 11 year old niece and then at the same time it made me sad for her. Her parents do nothing to make sure she eats healthy. They make comments on how she needs to eat better but then by her garbage and junk foods. Maybe I have gotten off the subject but this made me think about her all over again and I wanted to share it with someone, or a bunch of someones in this case. Shannon

I understand completely. I worry that I'll lose weight and then become lax about diet and exercise. I've never been good at those two things, obviously, so I worry that I'll fall back into old habits. But you know, I think the fact that I've been in this process for nearly a year, and had to jump through a number of hoops, that I will be better about keeping to good habits as long as I remember all I've been through. You will too, I'm sure.

Karen, My surgery is also scheduled for the 15th, as excited as I am, I am also very scared. My niece commented to me the other day, as I was eating chocolate chip cookies, that I'm acting like I'm losing my best friend and not my enemy! Wow that really sank in, not immediately but after a day, I began to wonder, will I be able to give up that "friend" The comfort you find there? What will happen when I have a really rotten day and can't eat it away.... Yikes to deal with all of that in a different way now. I am ready for the commitment but I'm always ready when I start the diet frenzy. I know this is the only answer left for me, I also weigh just over 300, never thought I'd see that number. I need to be here for my 2 kiddies and for myself, to finally, finally live a normal life without that extra person on my back. She gets in the way so much. I know prayers help me alot. I guess I may need to be saying more. I'll say some for you too. Joyce

Hello Karen, I am having my surgery September 13th. I have been going through the process for over a year now and am at the point that I just want to get the surgery done. I am very busy at work and have many things I have to get completed before going to the hospital. My head has been swimming. I am making lists and using my calendar book to write down appointments for pre-surgery tests and preparation instructions. I will be going on a pre-surgery diet 2 weeks before my surgery, so that will also keep my mind busy. All that I can suggest honey, is to keep a journal and write down ever thing that is going through your head, even lists of things to do before surgery. On the trip home you might want a pillow to put on your tummy to help you with the bumps in the road; and a body pillow after surgery to ease your sleeping positions. When I get stressed out I say prayers, putting it all in the lords hands. Remember, to go with the flow, sometimes you don't have any control over situations. Make yourself aware of any negative talk you are telling yourself. Stop it and count your blessing. Make a list of what wonderful things happen to you each day. Do something nice for someone else. And remember, you are a beautiful and intelligent woman and you will succeed at anything you really want to accomplish. With all my love, your friend. Linda from Michigan

Hi, I enjoyed reading your question and all the replies. You are definitely not alone. I am so happy for you. It sounds like you will do just fine. I think we all need to keep working on positive thoughts, forget those old negative ones. This is a new chance at life. I am also a little scared, but I have had several surgeries on my knees and I think I am ready for this. I want so very much to be healthy and thin again. I went to an interesting talk by Barbara Thompson, the author of "Weight Loss Surgery" Finding the Thin Person Inside of You, a few weeks ago. She had us do a neat thing. I had to write a list of all the things that I am looking forward to being able to do after the surgery. I wrote things like getting into some of my old smaller clothes, especially a dress that I saved of my Mom's. I have had it in my closet since Mom died in 1986 and have never been able to even try to put it on. I also want to take walks again for pleasure. I want to fit in an airplane seat without an extender. I want to garden easily. I want to ride a bike,etc.etc.etc.!!!! I feel good when I look at the list. My surgery is scheduled for Sept.23 in Fountian Valley,Calif with Dr. Ali. I am just starting my tests. I will keep you in my prayers. Susan

Karen, It feels good to read everyone's posts about how they are feeling, it reinforces the fact that I am not alone in my journey. Many have gone before me but many are going with me now and many will go after us. The thing that frightens me the most is not dying during surgery, it's the thought of possible complications after the surgery. I've read about people being in and out of the hospital with complications related to the surgery. I have a 2 1/2-year-old daughter and I would hate to miss more of her life as a result of choosing this procedure. I've been very prayerful and God has given me a peace in my heart that only He could give, this has provided me more comfort than anything else. I wish you and all the other Septemeber pre-ops the best of luck! Tracy

Anytime you are going through a life change it's scary. None of us have done this before. Self alteration is a freightening process. From what I can see after reading profile after profile, is that once your on the otherside and you get use to your new life (about 3 months) and your body gets use to it, you feel wonderful and forget why you were scared. So to all the other Septemberies - hang in there.. by Christmas we'll be lovin' it!