How are your emotions?

I am up and down and all over. My problem is I think to much. My husband is having issues right now, that I am not in the shape to try to fix. My head is on straight, I know why I am doing this, but still feel scared. I want that peace of mind ya know? I don't worry much about dying my issue is I am 25 years old and have NEVER been a "thin" person, and I am looking at what EXTREME I am taking myself to to be healthier, and I can't help but wonder (again me thinking to much) Say I have another solid 50 years of life, this is a LONG TIME to live like this if i have some sort of complication. I don't have regrets because I cannot live this way...I am NOT living like this. Im standing still and eating through life. But what If I hate my new "self"? What would I do? I wished I could be rolled into the OR and feel like a big sense of relief. Instead I feel like I am going to cry and be a basket case. 4 days and a wake up. Wow. it's almost unreal.

I guess I am like the rest of you. It must be normal to feel many emotions. When I think of dying as a risk I think should I take that chance? I don't really think I will die. I have sailed through losts of operations in the past few years. I never thought of dying for the other ops I had. I keep thinking that I should write a letter to my important friends and family and give them to another group member to only be delivered if Something unexpected happens. On the other hand, I spent so much time getting ready for this that I really feel I can do it. It does shake you when family members share their fears with you. It makes you face the possibilities. However, I have not cancelled my surgery and in fact I feel sick at the thought of doing that. I feel so much better about myself since I started this journey. I can't give it up. Not for anyone. My date is Sept. 16. I took my leave at work. I am cleaning closets, getting rid of the clothing I will never wear again. I am looking to see what clothing I have I can move down into! That should take me awhile!

I am happy and excited. A tad nervous, but not too bad! More like disbelief that I may actually move ahead into a different phase of my life where I CAN achieve what I've been trying so hard to do all these years. I have told almost everyone around me, so I hope I won't be too much the subject of gossip but then again, WHO CARES! I'd have to agree that I fear complications down the line more than the surgery itself. I fear being told I made a big mistake in doing this. ( I HATE to be wrong!!) but I am really staying positive overall. Let's face it guys, the vast majority of people who have this surgery end up really glad they did it and say they would do it again. Even those who do have complications, generally get them resolved and would do it again. There comes a point where you just have to say, I've made my decision, I've tried everything else, I'll be miserable if I *don't* do this, and then leave it in God's hands. That's when the peace comes. Those having other issues in life right now, just hang in there, hugs for you, we can all be here for eachother on this unique journey we'll be sharing!