Wednesday blues

I havent checked in here in ages. I started a new job back in August and have been so very busy. So busy that I havent taken the time to pout until today. I havent lost an ounce in over 5 months. I have lost 108 lbs and I am 13 months post op. I feel fabulous and I know I look better but I still and still look fat! I am down to 150 from 258. I am 5'2 inches tall and you know with us short gals and guys, all that weight just looks like a whole bunch more. According to my surgeon, I have a really big frame and he doesnt expect me to lose more than about 5 -8 more lbs. This is so very disheartening. I wanted so much to be 130 and I know in my heart I will never make it. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be satisfied. I have worked so very hard, stuck to my guns religiously about my eating but 5 months ago I quit losing. I have all this horrible loose skin and my surgeon says I have to wait until I am a year and a half out to talk to the ps. I want to stick to doing it his way but its so hard to not want to go on now. I guess im scared that if i jump the gun, the insurance will turn me down. Eating........I still dont eat a whole heck of a lot. Sample menu ... yesterday I had a banana for breakfast (6 am) (doc said I had to eat a piece of fruit a day for the sugar because I dont eat any at any other time), lunch (11 am) a half of a pimento cheese sandwich, mid afternoon (2:30) the rest of that sandwich, supper (7 pm) 1/2 cup lettuce with sprinkle cheese and italian dressing and about 1/4 ounce of pork loin. This morning so far I have had a banana and two saltines. When I eat more which is rare, I feel so bad, stuffed & sick feeling not to mention the guilty feeling. I take my vitamins and b12 tabs regularly. My bp is outstanding, I feel amazing but I cant shake the failure feeling. And I have this bad habit of comparing to others. I read a post from someone who said they looked anorexic at a year post op. I would love to have to say that! fact is, I still look fat! I know its the loose skin issue that is really my main problem but I also am so very terrified that I am going to gain some of this back. If I were to gain just 3 pounds Id be mortified! I know I am whining and I shouldnt, I know i should be more thankful for this tool I have been given and I know I should be celebrating but I still cant loose this down in the dumps. Been going on like this for 2 months. I wont even weigh anymore. I quit weighing myself after the surgeons visit a month ago and he said i hadnt lost any since I was there in june. i know I havent lost because Im still wearing the same clothes. Which is another issue all together. I hear of so many wearing size 6's or size 8's.....I can still (thanks to that damn loose skin) wear some 14's, mainly 12's and an occasional 10, depending on wether or not I want to breath! I guess what I am asking is, Am I the only one feeling this way or is this normal? Any advice on diet? help me out here guys.....im to the point of plain ole tears and I never cry!

Yes Carol, I feel the same way, I've lost nothing since around July or August. I want to lose another 20 or so lbs, but.......I am so much healthier than I was prior to the surgery, and of course I can do so much more than I could before. I also still see that 300 lb woman, not the 196 lb woman I am now. I'd like to be that 175 lb woman, or even 150 lb woman (my ideal at 5'7") but it may never happen for me. I knew going into this that I'd never be a "skinny minnie", but I am uncomfortable being so close to 200 lbs. Obesity Help magazine has an article in the current issue about finding one's "sweet spot"--recognizing that you have come as far as you are likely to, and finding happiness and satisfaction in that understanding. I'm not sure if I'm ready to accept that, but it just may be the way I am supposed to live this life. A lot of "it" is up to me, but not everything. Some things are beyond my control. Read that article. connie

I'm also only 5'2" and I'm up and down at 140-144. I too have those days when I talk to people that are taller than me and reached 115-20's. I feel like a failure and I'm fat. Which is funny, because sometimes I feel worse than I did when I was heavy. I keep reminding myself how far I've come. I kept my old size 24 pants and gasp at the difference. I see old pictures of myself and ask, who was that person? Was that really me? I step on the scale and see the 140's and I feel like kicking myself. But wait, I'm healthy, i can run after my kids, my BP is down and great. I've actually achieved what I wanted. Not to see a # on the scale, but to BE healthy. NOT obese anymore. No one can look at me and call me fat, except me. I'm much more healthier than ANYONE in my family now and it's such a reward. Anytime I feel down, I start the drinking water and get exercise advice. I always seem to drop pounds after a week of physical hard work. And the water is soooo important. Even if after all that I don't drop pounds, I feel great because I could actually exercise. My whole day is around getting enough water and I don't always do it. Your diet is to give you nutrients, NOT to help you lose anymore more weight. Hang in there, you are healthier and alive. If we all fit the same mold and had to be the same thing like the BMI indicates, this world be very plastic. We are more than that. We've gained a tool that will help us to be healthy but not live in some perfect BMI world. I hope you will be able to remind yourself how far you've come. I know some days it's hard, but I think of all the stuff I told you and I shut myself up, hold my head high and get on with being able to LIVE my life! Hang in There, Heather

first let me say you look beatiful!!! Second it is hard for me to listen to you complain about your size when I am still fighting to get below 200. I started at 360 and am only down 141 pounds in 13 months so i truly understand your feelings. I have started seeing a shrink how thinks I should get a full body cast done so i can see my change from the outside...I am trying to figure a way to do this. I think we all are having thoughts of failure. Sometimes we dwell so much on what we havnt reached that we forget how far we have come. I know ehn I step into my size 32 jeans and only fill 1/2 it still surprises me. As for your eating...I dont think you are consumming enough. I personally have to make sure i get in atleast 900 caLORIES or my body wont lose an ounce. somedays i sit crying because i have to have a protein shake before bed just to get the calories in. I hate the guilt from eating or drinking anything when i dont want it but i know its best. I hope you come to realize (and that i do to) that we have come so far. and besides everyone in the world has 10 pounds to lose right??? best of luck Diana