Century Club...FINALLY...Long...sorry
It was weird...I knew the scale had not moved much at all, just fluctuating back and forth with the same 3 lbs...the century mark always just out of reach. But I didn't understand it...specially about clothing...I had taken three sizes of the same capri into the fitting room while shopping for a couple of things to take on vacation...because I wasn't sure...didn't trust that the last pair of jeans I had bought were a 14...they were stretch...so in my mind it didnt count...so I looked at that size 14 with tongue in cheek. I had an 18, a 16 and a 14 fitted capri in there with me. 18 was waaaay to baggy...it wasn't even an option...the 16 fit...but was loose...so I said...what the hell...got brave, held my breath and tried on the 14's...non stretchy...and up up up they went...and fastened...comfortably. Ok that had to be a fluke...these are just cut big...I had to know for sure...I went out and drug in about 6 different capris/pants in size 14. They fit! Actually...a couple of of the capris I thought...if I didnt have this panni...a 12 would have probably fit. Wonderful news for me...not so wonderful for my pocketbook! But I was still thinking about the scale...it had not really moved at all...so why were these fitting now? It had been a discouraging long haul these past 60 days...the old doubts had crept in as the pounds fluctuated back and forth. Failure. But I was also telling myself...if you don't lose another pound...it is so much better than where you were.
I feel so good...I can do so much that I couldn't before...and I finally feel like I fit in. I took my grand daughter to Surf and Swim by myself while her momma had some "selftime"...it was so nice to be able to concentrate on her, on the "being", instead of having the usual negative feelings. My shame and embarassment did not color the experience the way it would have before. Several mothers that were in the baby pool area spoke to me about my Layla...they were surprized, they thought I was momma...not grandma! THAT felt great. But it also brought about a sad thought...I regret not doing this sooner...I feel my children were cheated of the happy positive mom that they deserved.
Vacation was good...I didn't make it to Florida because of the weather...my son said if they evacuated the base he would have to go where his jet went and that would probably be up in Georgia so it might be better to wait and he would fly me up in the near future to spend the weekend. But I did spend a good portion of the week in Alabama with my mom and her family (we were just in time for Mom to say goodbye to her lifelong friend, Helen, who is terminal with lung cancer...before we left she had slipped into a coma...I like to think she was waiting to say goodbye to mom). It was wonderful to feel good and have energy...and everyone was so proud of how I looked. I was finally not the fattest person in the room at the family get together! And the one snooty snobby cousin who had always been so slim and acted soooo superior to me and my other chubby cousin...well...guess what...she was...for the first time in my life...BIGGER than me...yaaaaaaaaaay! (God will get me for this gloating). I loved getting up in the morning and getting out for a walk in the beautiful countryside. And I wasn't puffing on those hills! For the first time in my life at one of these family get togethers my mood was not colored by the emotion of self consiousness and shame...I was happy and smiling the whole time. And amusingly...I ate like a PIG the whole time...my Alabama relatives can COOK...and I had to sample everything. Well I say a pig...it was no where near what I could have eaten before...but I had put aside the white carb prohibition temporarily for the trip...and when I say white carb I am not including sweets...I just did not worry about pasta, potatoes or rice. For snacks...on the road I had trail mix...mostly nuts or beef jerky and LOTS of water...and off the road I would get out some cheese or peanut butter...but I figured...oh goodness...I probably have put on 10 lbs. I didn't weigh until I got back. Nope...no gain...just the same fluctuating 3 lbs.
Well this morning I decided to check...just for the sake of checking...and wow...hold the breath...get all the air out of the lungs that you can...might make you lighter (does air have weight?)...the digital numbers bounced around and settled on...182. I had to get on and off three times to make sure I wasn't seeing things. YAYESSSSS!!! Not 100, but 101 pounds GONE! I had to sit down and let it soak in...reflect. The pounds have not melted off me like most WLS patients...it has been slow and excrutiating work. Every pound fought for...and I guess that's what has made every pound so precious. At times I would be back doubting myself...beating myself up. Yes...they will fluctuate more...tomorrow I will probably be back up 2 lbs..and it will bounce back and forth...possibly for another two months...but hey...I will take the loss..no matter how small or slow. Baby steps forward...
If I don't lose another single pound...as long as I do not start to go up...I can live with that. But already...in the back of my mind...wow...the 170's are just 3 pounds away......
Mary Beth
283/182/150
Mary,
What an inspiring testimony!!!! I soooo needed to hear it. I too have been dealing w/the same "3 pounds" in my weight loss. I will be a year out from WLS on 9/10/04 & my personal goal is to be at 175 by then....long story short, I am 24 days away from my 1 year appt w/the surgeon & I am 6-8 pounds away from meeting that little goal of mine. It is the cursed "3 pounds" that keep me from going any further. I like you can't believe that my butt, my big ole butt from a year ago is into size 14 jeans also. (some 16's depending on the brand, cut etc.) but mostly 14's. I need to really get with it on the exercise train, I have really fallen off the wagon with this step for the last couple of months. If I will just jump start myself into gear again I am sure that the weight will begin to move (or at least that is what I am praying to happen) I did get to go on vacation to Florida this year, it was the 1st real vacation I have taken in 10 years. It was just my Mother, my sister & myself---3 ladies in Pensecola Beach, FL for a week. What a trip that was. I actually wore a bathing suit & did things I never even dreamed I could do. WLS has given me my life back & I praise God everyday for this miracle.
Again congratulations on a job well done & enjoy your new found life. Remember, it is never too late until your dead---enjoy the time ahead that God has given you, more importantly enjoy today!!!!
Joyetta
328/182/150 will be goal.
its funny how realative these numbers are....I had my 11 month weigh in today and I am down 132 pounds but still at 238 which is 50 pounds bigger than you guys and I feel like a failure sometimes. Especailly if we look at the guys...man we had jesse doing wonders for so long and now luis. Heck there are quite a few gals out there too who have dropped 150 pluss. I am squeezing into 18 from 32 's and cant imagine a 14....you girls need to appreciate how far you have come in less than a year...heck who am I preaching too..I am the hardest on myself too...
lets just all try and keep in focus where we were 11 months ago,
Diana Noreika
Like you, I have lost a lot of weight - actually about 260 lbs I imagine in just eleven months! But, I still weigh about 220 or so, am into 20's and 18 stretchies and have LOTS of loose skin! Wonder what I would weigh if they took the extra skin off my tummy, arms, inner thighs, etc.
No worries everyone.... be grateful for where you are today!
Hey Mary
Congrats on reaching the Century Club. That is fantastic. Wow, what a story, I love the way you say that you ate like a pig and we all know what you really mean. There are days when I feel like I ate the kitchen sink and then when I journal my food for the day, there is still room for a little snack. Who would have thought, that a year ago would have past this fast and here we are over 100lbs lighter. Not me that is for sure. Good luck on reaching your personal goal and if it doesn't happen by the anniversary, it will soon after, keep on striving. Let us know how you do.
Luis
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