I"m not happy

JulieAnn, I am so glad you got this out of your system...I know exactly how you feel. There are just as many of us slowies as there are these massive fast loss speedies...I just think we don't post and share our experiences as much. Which we need to do...so many need to know that this is not a race...we are all SO different in our body chemistry that it would be a miracle if we all lost in this one predictable speedy way. But we don't. And it's hard on us slowies...shoot...we are so good about beating ourselves up about failures...that this just seems like ANOTHER failure. But trust me dear lady it is not. There are alot of positives in your post...you just can't see the forest for the trees. It is OK that we are not at goal yet...dang it...we are GETTIN THERE GIRL!! We are just takin the scenic route! When I did this I thought this was my magic bullet. Magic bullsh*t! It's WORK...and it's hard work! Anyone that tells me I took the easy way out is in for a very serious lecture. I didn't drop no 100 lbs in 4 months...and I was very upset for some time over this...but then I have to applaud my body...coz it is only doing its job...and it's just doing it tooo well. It is trying it's best to keep this insurance against serious famine...that is it's job...to survive. On one of my later visits to my surgeon I was whining...coz I was doing everything I was supposed to (although I did not do the maximum I could do exercise wise) and he asked me...when have you ever lost this much weight before and kept it off? Do you feel better physically? Has your life improved? Are you able to do more? I had to say never, yes, yes and yes. And he just smiled and said, keep using your tool and it will only get better. He was glad I was loosing slow and giving my body time to adjust, it was obviously a more healthy path for my body. It might take me 18 months to 2 years to get at my goal. In March I lost 5 lbs, in April I lost 7...suddenly in May I dropped 17 out of the blue...without doing anything different...I didn't change a thing. What the??? This month I have lost 7 so far. If it was just 1...I would still be happy...as long as I wasn't gaining. God it could be SO much worse! What if I had not been able to even get this surgery! As I approach my 9th month anniversary I suddenly realized...I was 92 lbs down...holy cow! Now just two months ago I was in dispair...thinking that this was it...that's all I am going to lose. I mean I was making myself miserable with the guilt that I couldn't even be successful at freakin WLS! When I started doing the numbers it hit me...I AM going to make it...I might be coming up the dang rear...but I AM going to make it!!! And so will you!!!! Keep your head up...be kind to yourself and take care of yourself!! You are worth it!! Mary Beth 283/191/150

JulieAnn, thanks for your candor. One line in your post especially stood out for me. You said: "I am happy for all of you, I just wish that my story didn't have to be an un-successful story." But you haven't been unsuccessful at all. Eight-seven pounds is a heck of a lot of weight, and you've lost it in less than a year, hopefully forever. I realize that in support group settings - whether online or in person - the atmosphere can seem competitive at times. I think, perhaps, that's partly because some people are especially goal-oriented and thrive in such an environment. Of course, it's not good at all when that feeling undermines your own success, which is tremendous. We can all advise you not to compare yourself to others. And you know that rationally it's not the best idea. But knowing you shouldn't compare your weight loss to that of others and then actually not doing it are obviously two different things. We really are all different. Some folks lose tons of weight very rapidly post-op. Some folks lose more slowly. Some folks were lightweights to start out. Some folks had 200+ excess pounds to get rid of. Some folks never exercise and lose rapidly regardless. Some folks take to military-like exercise regimens and find the pounds coming off slow. Some folks are short, some folks tall. Some people have small frames, while others are bigger boned. There are SO many variables and factors that make us unique in this weight loss process. To the extent that it's possible, please don't compare how far you've come with others' achievements. You are unique. The way you gained weight is unique. The way you lose it will be too. Good luck as you move forward on this journey. You really are doing great - even if it's sometimes easy to doubt that. Jen.

Thank you all so very much, I have learned enough to last me a life time! you have all been so supportive and kind. I have never really allowed myself to see the positives in things, so much so that it has become a habit. A habit that I have decided to drop. I never really looked at myself all that much in these last few years, that was probably the driving force behind my decision to have WLS and a couple of weeks ago I found I was still not looking all that hard at what I have become since September 2003. Since I wrote this post and with all the responses and different takes and opinions I have decided to take a long hard look at myself in every way. this is what I saw, I no longer have a double chin, although my belly is hanging a little low, I have a waist line. My boobs and legs still look fairly decent. I am finally looking smaller than my hubby! I feel great, I breath slowly and without struggle, I can tie my shoelaces and fit in turnstiles at the market, My sex life has improved quite a bit and all my clothes are getting looser every day. I sleep through the night without gasping for air I never get acid reflux. I eat healthy foods. I am also an intelligent, kind and loving person. When I smile, my dimples are the first thing to catch my eye.(haven't seen those in years!) So there you have it. I have never given myself a positive thought but always had more than enough for everyone else. Today I have taken my first step and I feel wonderful!(Don't worry gang you did not create a monster!) Thank you all for all the thought and care you put into your responses, I am forever changed. Did I mention that I am also very appreciative! thanks again, from the unique, 90 lbs lighter and moving at my own pace from now on, JulieAnn