I"m not happy

I'm not happy because I didn't do all that I can to lose more weight. I'm feeling really depressed because I can't go back and change what I didn't do before. I have lost, so far, about 87lbs and when I read these posts the average weight loss seems to be over 100. I just don't feel that I will succeed and be where I had hoped. I absolutely depised my surgeon and his staff because they kicked me to the curb right after surgery and I did not get the support that I feel I needed. The surgeon disliked me from the get go, I wish I had not been so desparate to have the surgery then I would have found someone I felt would be there for me. I did not exercise as I should have and my weight loss has been ultra slow. I have a cousin that had WLS 4 months after me and has lost 85lbs. I keep wondering, outside of the exercise, where did I go wrong? I am depressed and I don't know what to do. I read all of these happy posts and I feel even more depressed. I am happy for all of you, I just wish that my story didn't have to be an un-successful story. I dumped the surgeon and found a new doctor and he seems to think that my weight loss is just fine, of course he isn't among the many that have actually been super morbidly obese and desparate to get the weight off so that life can be somewhat normal again. I can see that in many ways he is right, but it seems to be quietly competitive among other wls patients and the emphasis is how much, how fast and finally how THIN! I have to say that my health is excellent and I feel great physically, but that doesn't seem to be the goal for WLS even though at the beginning we and the doctors all state that we do it to live longer and to feel healthy again. all I ever hear or read is how much weight is lost or isn't lost and not how health has improved, maybe it's because I can't brag about some massive weightloss, that I don't understand but, I feel so alone, I never really see posts of those that feel the way that I do. I am not saying that the surgery was a bad choice or that I would not have done it had I known differently. it's just that it always seems so sunny for everyone else and as for me, I just feel like crap. I worry constantly about protein and water intake what type of exercise will I force myself to do today and will I have a BM or will I have to take a laxative yet again. I have never been so into my food intake and bowel movements as I am now, it almost seems like an eating disorder. I fight everyday not to eat sweets instead of protein and bunny food, most of the time I eat the healthy stuff but every once in a while I will have the sweet stuff. I just can't yell from the mountain tops that I have done anything so incredible. I just don't understand why we are all in such a hurry. and why is it so difficult for me to just accept that this is where I am and be happy with it.

Julianne, WOW; what an honest posting! Thanks for sharing your story. I'm wondering...you've turned so many things around in your life of late. How 'bout considering turning these unhappy thoughts into affirmations? Please don't flame me for saying that; I just happen to see that there's so much positive in what you've undergone lately. For example -- and I took these from your own words -- I'm happy because I had surgery, due mainly to the fact that I was courageous and persistent. I'm happy that I realized my relationship with my surgeon was toxic, and that realization led me to a surgeon better suited to my goals and situation. I'm happy that my health is excellent and improving all the time. I'm happy that I realize the importance of regularly monitoring my own health -- and that I do just that. I'm happy that, despite daily temptations to do otherwise, I make mostly good (healthy) food choices. I'm happy that I'm among friends, who understand my struggles and are willing to support me when times get tough -- physically, mentally, or emotionally. Wishing you happy days, Melody

melody, wow no one could have said it as well as u did for all of us. thanks so much...i needed to read what you wrote. carol

You're welcome, Carol. I'm happy to help; in writing to you, I was helping myself see the positive, as well....

Oops! Mistaken identity here! Carol, I didn't mean to respond as if you were the one who posted the original message. I read and wrote too quickly, and now there's egg on my face! (I hear that egg makes a great facial mask....) Anyway, I definitely feel that writing out my thoughts helped me sort through some things for myself, as well. Blessings all 'round, right? Melody

When I wrote this post, I was obviously down in the dumps, today when I returned check the messages I was feeling a little better. Now I feel a lot better. Not many people can turn thoughts like I had into thoughts like Melody's unless they really read into my words. I am so impressed at how kind she was in her words. I will try harder to think more positively. It suddenly, doesn't seem to much of a task, since I have accomplished so much already. Thanks again Melody for Your kind words I will always remember this lesson and only hope that I too can see the positive as clearly as you have. JulieAnn

Thank you for your kind words, JulieAnn. You put a million dollars into my back pocket! Actually, though, YOU're the one who did all of those great things...In recording your many accomplishments, I got the easy part. Hey, we've all been where you were; that's why AMOS is such a great resource for all of us. Whether we reach out in our moments misery or in times marked by happiness, we know we'll be well-received and supported by those who genuinely care. Isn't that a blessing? I'm rooting for you! Email anytime.... Melody

JulieAnn, I understand what you are feeling. I don't regret my choice to have had the surgery...but there are still alot of triggers and issues for me. BUT... like Carol ( I think it was Carol) said...you have made sooooo many positive changes to be proud of. I was really dreading going to my 7 month Dr. appt because at that point I still had not lost 100 lbs. My doctor actually laughed at me. Not because I didn't loose the weight...but because I was letting that get to me. He basically told me that I was right where I needed to be on the weight loss and that he was impressed with my exercise and eating plans and the way that I have followed up with the nutrionist. ALL POSITIVE CHANGES FOR ME!!! I guess I want instant results...lets face it, we all do. We are competitive...we want to be the first to cross the finish line...I guess we all need to look around and see everyone else..not just look at them but see them. I am proud of you JulieAnn...you had the guts to actually write down what I was feeling. You are such a truthful and inspiring person. I APPRECIATE THAT!!! You are not a failure...you are a positive breath of fresh air! Thank you for being sooooo honest, truthful and open about your feelings...it made me realize that I am not alone. I would love to have been one of the people who had made my goal weight already and am on my way to enjoying everyday life...the truth is I am transitioning...but weather or not I enjoy is up to me!!! SO, YES!!!! I want to enjoy this life, every last second of it....goal weight or not! Thanks again!!! Carolyn Sue

OOOPS... the reply that I was in agreement with was from Melody. What the heck!!! I agree with everything that was said. LOL! Carolyn Sue

Hilarious! We've both fallen victim to a case of mistaken identity. (Who's on first? )