please read this post

I hadn't posted in quite some time because I was just not making any connections with anyone. I felt that I was just going about it all wrong. today I came in expecting the same thing and I'll tell you, I have found that we are ALL in the same boat. I am currently struggling with the comparison thing and have lost a total of 75lbs since sept 24th. It's so hard not to compare. I guess it's because we want to hit the 100 mark. I am just happy that I don't get stuck in turnstiles anymore! and That is how I remind myself to be happy and proud of myself. Everyone here at one point or another, including myself has said "We are all different and weightloss varies from one to another" but how many of us are willing to truely accept that for ourselves. My surgeon has become my nemisis and I hate going to him for follow ups because he compares me to everyone else and insists that I have just given up on the whole thing because I am not walking 3 miles daily. recently, I was met with devastating silence when my cousin, 2 months out from DS has already lost 60lbs and I, only 75, of course she tried motivate me by asking me what I FAILED to do! How are we supposed to feel proud when the very people we go to for support react to our varied weightloss in such a negative way? I am prone to depression and this has been quite a journey for me emotionally. I know that I shouldn't worry about others opinions but, I do. I hate that the consensus is that if you have not yet lost at least 90lbs by 7 months out you are doing it wrong. I'm doing what my dietician tells me and being human, I slip up from time to time. I feel terrible enough as it is that I haven't lost more but this is me and I can sit in a booth, I can tie my shoelaces without holding my breath, I can walk a mile without getting winded, I sleep like a baby and I feel wonderful! thanks everyone for reading, I just had to get this off my chest.

JulieAnn, I haven't posted my weight on the message board because of this very reason. I have only lost 70 pounds since Sept. 25. I don't like to hear that I am doing SOMETHING wrong. I am supposed to go to the dr. for a followup next mth. but I think I will cancel because he wanted me to lose the last 30 by the time I came back. Well, I haven't. I don't know what is wrong but I just get tired of trying. I snack on peanuts and other protein items and maybe that is why I am not losing. But, I get hungry or my brain is telling me to eat. I don't know but I snack when I feel like it. Easter was a hard time for me because there is nothing I like better than chocolate. I did cheat and eat some but not near what I could eat before my surgery. The people at work are always telling me that I look like I have lost more but I haven't. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this. I am feeling pretty much the same as you. Angela

Oh ladies...you are so not alone. We all want the loss RIGHT NOW. My coworker did her surgery one month before I did, I don't know what she started out at exactly, but she is at goal. I don't think she was bigger than me or much smaller even. I stopped hanging around with her because I felt coworkers were comparing me to her and looking at me thinking..."ok..what's YOUR problem?" I felt like SUCH a failure. The sad part is, my withdrawal from her was not her fault, and I have felt badly about it and have gone back to make amends. I constantly cringe when I see people that know I have had the surgery. I don't know if there "oh you look great" is genuine or them just being kind. I went to a planning meeting for my 25th high school reunion the other weekend...they all gave me compliments, but one lady did email me and say she was so envious of how I looked. Sometimes my mom comments on my loss, sometimes not. My son is in Florida and has not been home since I had my surgery (he is in the air force). I think he is coming in for a visit soon, but I was hoping to see him in mid summer when I had had more time to lose some more weight. I guess the real test will be what he says. Although I do not know if it will make a difference to him, most of my family has failed to comment on my surgery or weight loss. My daughter has NEVER mentioned my weight loss at all...until the other night...while trying to lay her head in my lap she kept moving around and couldn't get comfortable...I said.."what in heck is wrong with you?" She sat up and said..."what is that? It's HARD!" Well she poked my side and I realized she was talking about my hipbone. In all her 20 years I have never had a hipbone sticking out. I rely on good, close friends to be honest and the people from the OH boards to be able to converse with about the good things, bad things or just plain off topic things that I need to get off my chest. Do not give up and do please use the OH sites for encouragement and support. We are all on the same journey here, some of us just have vehicles that will just only go so fast for us. Call us the slowbies if you have to. If I did not have post ops that went before me and have the same slow lose problem, and didn't document it here so I could see I was not alone, I would REALLY be depressed. It will happen, just have to work the tool. I feel better than I have in 20 years. I can sit in my office chair and actually not have thigh hangoverage. I can't wait to get on a plane and belt up without an extender and have plenty of room left to wiggle my hips in the chair without touching my seat mates. I just got me some hiking boots, fixing to try them out Tuesday evening on a local trail, and I have signed up for a softball team. Make a list of the things you weren't able to do before...make a list of things you want to be able to do in the future. Keep that list visible and check things off as you accomplish them. I think you will see..even now from your before list, you are really doing GREAT! P.S. We are ALL human and have our falls from grace. Don't let anyone say they don't. Mine was Reese's Peanut Butter Eggs and Milky Way Bunnies. *HUGS* Mary Beth 283/209/150

It feels funny writing this especially when I just posted I have finally lost 100 pounds But I sure know what all of you are talking about. I started out as a big time heavy weight 360 and when I didnt hit 100 by 6 months well youo would have thought I was sitting around eating bon bons all day. I work so hard to this thing. I do have slips , God knows I love sugar and unfortunatly can tolerate it. But I go to the gym atleats 5 times a week and I bust my butt. I am trying very hard not to compare myslef with others. I knwo I am doing well in some areas because my hips alone went from 71" to 58" and my pants from a tight 32 to a comfy 22. I still have so far to go but I & YOu will get there

JulieAnn, AMEN!!!! I know exactly where you are coming from! I feel like such a failure!!! I had my surgery on 9-29-03 and am only down 83 lbs. Now, I must note that if I had not had the surgery and would have lost 83 lbs on weigh****chers or some other program, I would probably be shouting from the highest hill or mountian that I had lost 83 lbs!!!! BUT...For some reason, and I am not sure where I came up with this, I truly thought that I should have had at least 100 lbs off by now. I know for a fact that my surgeon did not tell me this, nor did my nutrionist. I get so gosh darn frustrated. I feel bad because I read other peoples posts and they have lost 100lbs or more and instead of being happy for them, I am sooooo jealous. Right now I am having a terrible time with sugars and carbs. I want chocolate sooooooooooooooooo bad! But as you said, we are all human and you know what...I screw up sometimes. OH WELL!!! So as for me, I will keep on walking, keep on swimming or doing an exercise of my choice and keep on learning. But most of all, I will keep on living...and part of living is making mistakes and trying things (easter candy included) I am proud of my weightloss and I should be. I am less of a person ( in mass and weight) than I was 6 1/2 or 7 months ago!!! Look at all we have accomplished!!! We will get thru this! We should all be proud of how far we have come! Thanks JulieAnn for giving me a reminder that YES there are other people out there struggling just as much as I am!!! GOD Bless you!

Hi, This is my first post on this board and the topic just seemed to fit right in with what I am feeling. I had my surgery on Sept 15 and I have lost 75 lbs. I try not to compare myself with others - but it is very difficult not to. I have gone from 231 to 156, size 20 to size 12 - call me greedy, but I want the other 25 lbs gone NOW. I am happy with my loss so far - but I just get impatient. I agree tha****er, water, water, protein, protein, protein and walking, walking, walking is the best avenue. Don't give up - reading your posts and knowing I am not alone is inspiring. Thanks.

Sheila, 156lbs is great! You have come so far and a size 12? That is still about 7 or 8 months away for me if I'm lucky! be proud of yourself. those last few lbs will come off soon enough. take care.

There's my bariatric buddy, we had surgery the same day, same Dr., same hosp. shared a pre surgery room, although she went first. Sheila you are beautiful and doing perfectly fine, hang in there girl. I have also lost exactly 75 lbs. and now weigh 135, for others out there I was a baby loser, just at the MO point when surgery was done. A while back I asked the Dr. where he though I would end up weight wise and he said I would guess 140, well I'm a bit down from that, anyway I look great, feel great, and would like to get rid of some butt and thigh skin.....That's where most my fatness was, also boobs are deflated completely and definitely drooping. Arms and tummy are ok tolerable and so are my (used to be) huge calves. Sheila I changed my appt. to same day and time as you, I guess he had something to do on our originally scheduled appt. day. Think of you often, see ya at the appt.

JulieAnn and everyone---Slow Losers of the World--Unite!!!!! Sept. 18, 2003, as of today I have lost 78 lbs. Of course I wish I had lost more by now, but.....I promised myself from the beginning that I WOULD NOT GET HUNG UP ON THE NUMBERS!!!! Health is what this is really all about. Yes, I compare myself to others, and sometimes feel those old "failure" feelings. But you should never get those kind of vibes from your surgeon or friends or family. Sure, we're all human, we enjoy carbs a bit too much, but maybe now is the time put a few folks in their place--they cannot make you feel like a failure unless you let them.

Hi, JulieAnn - Not to worry! I am 8 months post-op, and have lost just 80 pounds. By most measures, I've been "doing it wrong" all along (carbs sneak in on a regular basis). But I'm seeing this as a lifelong change, not as a race with other WLS'ers. The most important thing that the surgery has done for me is to help me make a permanent change in my eating habits (I actually only eat when hungry, not to medicate for stress, lonliness, etc), and more importantly, in my relationship with food - it no longer rules my life. So if it's 10 pounds a month and it takes a while longer for me to reach goal than some others, I say SO WHAT? What's a few months one way or the other when we are talking about a LIFETIME? Relax, love yourself, praise yourself for your success, and above all, forgive yourself for not "doing it right." You are clearly committed to sucess, and you will find it. Enloy the journey! Steve