My friend's reaction made me so sad

Hello you all, I am not new in the general board but new at the Virginia's one. Believe me or not I just notice few minutes ago that there were boards by location. I did not have my surgery but I am dreaming with it sometime soon if everything goes ok with insurance. My post earlier at the general board is this one: i am so sad, disapointed... me and me big mouth. i have to learn to shut up and that is it. today i decided to share with an also overweight friend about my decision to go to the wls. omg!!! in fact from the botton of my heart i expected she would say: "really? i'm also going to do it" big mistake!!! she looks at me and says "don't do it...you should come to ww with me(she just join ww)...come exercise with me...this wls is so unhealthy...my friend has cancer due to the wls...if you had to change your lifestyle would have done by now...if you don't eat well now, what will make you do it after the surgery?...don't do it...you just need to move around...follow your husband, he is so energetic (sp)..." I am so upset. I told her: "look, if you want to support me it is great, I really appreciate and I really need it, but if you don't I also appreciate you keep your coments with yourself". I was rude (?), maybe. But...I am sad, but i also think it is my fault I did not keep the news and my decision to myself. i am no longer going to share this with anybody. it is nobody's business anyway....but I am sad. I just think I can use all the support I can find. Unfortunately I am not find much. I know this is a problem of many of you so...

Hi Levinia, I know how you feel, I have talked to my mother about this surgery a few times and I get the same comments from her. But you know what they are not in our shoes and it is easier said than done when it comes to losing weight. You are doing what is good for you and what makes you happy and to live a longer life. I have found that alot of my friends feel the same way but once they see what pain I am in day in and day out they have come to realize it is the best thig for me to do. I have learned that the others do not have the guts to do what we are doing. I have stuck with my friends that have a positve attitude and I know will be there for me. Do not let this person get you down your doing what you need to do and I am happy for you that you have decided to take this step. Good luck with your surgery. I am happy for you. I have joined a local group of ladies in the area that have had the surgery and they talk about what they have gone through and tell me the good and the bad, but it is nice to have a great bunch of women that understand. Do you have a local group you can join and talk with for support? I found them from this site maybe you can start your own group!! Good luck with everything. Mary

I have had many different types of reactions when I mention this surgery. Mosto f the time it's positive tho, thankfully! As weird as it sounds, I HAD a friend and we were both anticipating our surgeries, but when talking to her, she was so negative about cir****tances revolving around me having it. She never pointed out positives but only the negatives, it almost was like she was competing (sp*) with me as to who was going to have it first. It was the oddest thing ever! I no longer speak with this person, and as far as I know she HAS had it (WLS) and doing well, I didnt wish her any ill will but her negativity really brought me down.............and my surgery is right around the corner due to some set backs with my thyroid and insurance (which finally, i have awesome insurance!!!) Now, my best friend and I are both having it done and between the support of this site and my family friends and my best friend, and my wonderful hubby, I couldnt be happier! Let it roll off your back as to what she said, I support you and so many others do too! be proud, you have made a wonderful choice! take care pam

I know exactly how you feel. And sometimes I think it is much harder to tell the ones we love then the ones we don't! But guess what! It's not about them. It's about us! I was having a hard time to tell and still have to tell one person before my date. But I don't want them dissappointed with me. I did ww for 10 years. IT was good. But I got off track and boom I was right where I started. It is a difficult process, but the decision is ours and I wish you the best of luck! I have my surgery on 8/14 and I am nervous, excited and many feelings! Good luck and take care of YOU!!

Sometimes before the surgery ...we worry about who to tell...But why it's about us...Our choice Our decision..I told my husband and my mother..But to me that is all who mattered to me.....Every body else can eat dust....I do have a best friend...when I casually mentioned someone who had the surgery he said thats a cop out...they're cheating...So he's not on the tell people list...Who ever has a problem will not be told o well.....They'll just wonder what did you do ...and guess what i guarantee your friend will join the bandwagon after she see how happy you are....You got us.....

I am so sorry that you got this kind of reaction from you "friend". I think she might just be jealous. Maybe her insurance wouldn't cover it or she doesn't have the means to afford to have it done. I was like you. I didn't tell anyone but my husband, children, 2 sisters and brother. I didn't even tell my Mom or Mother-in-law. I knew I wouldn't have their support. I believe we don't jump to this decision overnight and we think long and hard about making life long changes. I had my surgery on March 12th Lap RNY and it was by far the best decision of my life. I feel so much better, have more energy, look better and have improved health conditions. I no longer am on insulin or medication for diabetes...yooohooo! I have lost 125 pounds since that time and I have about 100 more to go but I WILL GET THERE with or without anyone's support. I get a lot of support on these boards. At least we all know where we've been and what we are going through. Hang in there...you'll be glad you did. I only wish I could have done this years ago!!!

Levinia, I know how hurt you were by her lack of confidence in you. I am very shy about talking to people about my upcoming WLS. I think it is better if you find someone you can trust and confide in. You will do better if you have support. Don't worry about her getting bent out of shape... you have the right to have feelings too. And you have the right to feel better. If she comes around, she is a true friend. In the meantime, put out some 'feelers'. You will be surprised how many people around you have had a WLS and you just didn't know it.

My mother told me a similar story about a month before my surgery but after much research and dr consultations I felt very comfortable with going foward. You have to make the choice for yourself. I have been over-weight all my life, and always struggled with food ( I love to eat) and I have been on many diets and exercise programs, but the minute you get off the diet or stop exercising you gain the weight back. WLS has been great because my weight loss is steady and I have found it hard to put the pounds back on. After surgery you will still have to watch the kinds of foods you eat and excercise (which is what your friend wants you to do) except that if you skip a day or two of going to the gym or you have a cheeseburger and fries(you wont be able to eat the whole thing) a few times you don't gain.(at least in my case). You will not stop eating the "bad" foods overnight but even if you eat the same foods because your portion sizes are going to be so much smaller your calorie intake is still much lower than if you didnt have the band therefore still causing weight loss. The best thing I can tell you is decide whats best for YOUR LIFE. Once you get it done and time has passed people wont even be talking about how bad the surgery is instead they will tell you how great you look! Good luck