Accountability...it hurts but time to face it

Hi all!  Long time, no posts.  And now I admit the price.  I weigh 168 lbs.  My lowest was 118, stayed between 140-150 for a year and a half, and now, I am gaining.  I want to get to 145-150 again.  I must say, I can eat alot more, and I do.  Once a stress eater, always a stress eater.  No more size 4 or 6, at 8, even 10.  I know, I am not a failure.  But I feel like it.  I get the poor me's, and I give up.  Tomorrow, I will be accountable for everything I put in my mouth.  I will take the clothes off my treadmill, and use it again.  18 lbs. is nothing compared to 100 lbs.  I know some of you shy away from here, just like I did, because the truth hurts.  COME ON.  JOIN ME.  LETS FIGHT TOGETHER.  I am going to go back to the basics, protein and water.  I believe I can do this.  Please, if you are out there, join me.  You are not alone.  I need you.  So, where is your post?

Hi Kathleen,  Nice to hear from you again.  I hear you.  I am having the same problems.  I can eat a lot now and I often seem to eat almost constantly.  Real hunger has nothing to do with it.  I have told myself the same things as you.  My lowest was 143 and I am now 159.  I have been as high as 164.  I want to stay 145-150 as well.  I try to tell myself that 10-15 is easier to lose than 100 too and I can start with back to basics but soon back slide.  I have started swimming again and walking a bit more.  I am starting to feel a little better.  You are right.  It is very hard to fight the old demons.  I started logging my food again for the last 3 days.  Although I haven't been perfect it has helped somewhat.  I want to be accountable to myself but it helps to have some support here as well.  I'm with you. Let's try to motivate each other.  Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.  When is your 3 year surgiversary?  Mine is August 13 and I want to be down to at most 150 by then.  Right now I hover between 158 and 162 so that's only 8-12 lbs. 

Our surgery dates are just a few days apart...mine was 8/22/07.  i too have gained a few pounds (about 15 from my very lowest).  i have been trying on last year's summer clothes and i am not as comfortable.  i need to de-carb myself from sneaking chocolate morsels here and there.  i have signed up for a boot camp work out at my local gym starting next month.  i have until then to get my head in gear.  i want to loose at least 10 pounds.  those 10 pounds seem like climbing a mountain to me.  i know how little of food i need to eat on a daily basis to get there.  like we all are saying...these few pounds are so much better than what we originally lost.  HERE I AM...IM JOINING IN TOO.

Hi Kathleen, 
I'm glad to see that you still check in here once in a while!  Size 8-10 is still really good.   Think of where we were 3 years ago.  I do agree though that we do have to be accountable to ourselves.  I don't think I will be able to wear most of my clothes from last summer either.  I put on my baggy jeans the other day and THEY WERE TIGHT.  I started the 5 day pouch test on Friday.  It's Saturday night now and I have stuck to it so far.  I really want to get back to eating less and eating healthy.  I too have let a lot of the rules slide.  Amazing how easy it is to do isn't it.  I hope the pouch test will at least cure me a little of my carb addiction.  I hope you have a great summer.  I still check in here every few weeks so I hope to hear from you soon.
Fran

HI all!  I hope everyone is doing good.  I am so glad I am not alone.  I cannot believe I let myself gain again.  It just sickens me.  I do not exercise like I used to, and I can eat way more.  The only thing I have not had is soda.  I have stuck to that rule at least.  I cannot wear any of my clothes from last summer.  All too snug.  I am in an 8 or 10 now.  My hubby says I am a Grandma and should be content with that.  I am not.  I love you all and I support you.  Please send me some words of wisdom sigh. 

oops...my post ended up in the wrong order.  I guess I clicked in the wrong place. 

My RNY surgery date was Aug 2007 and I have not done so well these past 3 years.  I'm in a bad situation with my weight again and I feel pretty defeated right now.   I never really followed the rules.  I think I did the 30-30 rule for about the first month after my surgery, but after that point I've always had beverages with my meals.   Due to not following this and other rules, I haven't been as successful in my weight loss as others have been and now I'm currently regaining weight and have totally fallen back into pre-surgery habits.  My highest weight was 350 and the morning of the surgery I was approx 305 lbs.  I went from that down to my lowest weight of 224 in the first 18 months.  Now, I'm back up to 255.  It kills me to admit that.  I can eat a whole frozen pizza again.   Not all at once, but in the course of an afternoon and evening I can totally eat a pizza if I drink when I eat.  And I've been eating other crap, and lots of it.  I feel like if someone looked at me, they wouldn't be able to tell I even had the surgery.  

I haven't been on OH for quite awhile, but I realized that I need to get back on the site and be inspired by others who have done and are doing this thing right.    I've been spending the evening reading tips and people's success stories and I'm already feeling like I'm in a better place thanks to everyone who contributes to the OH community. 

I do have a question - have any of you tried the 5 day pouch test?   I'm planning on doing that this week.  I need to get back in control and use the tool that surgery gave me (as long as I haven't totally ruined it with my actions).  

Hi,  I have tried the 5 day pouch test.  I lost weight while doing it but put the weight back on pretty quickly afterwards.  I did feel pretty good while doing it but I have again slipped into many of the bad habits I had prior to my surgery.  I am able to eat fairly big sized meals now.  I have put on weight in the last year or so...my surgery was also August 2007.  I joined a gym a couple of weeks ago and I have started doing more exercise.  That has made me feel better but I still need to control what I eat.  I am hoping that my yearly appointment to the surgeon in August will give me the motivation to get back to at least the weight I was last year.  Good luck to you.  Keep working hard and just remember that 255 is still a lot less than 350!  Fran

Thanks for you reply and your encouragement, Fran.  You're right - even with my weight gain I'm sitll in a better place than I started out.   And I've been doing better these past couple of days.  I've actually started using the 30-30 rule and it's helping.   It's only taken me 3 years to implement it, but better late than never, huh?    Increasing my water and my protien intake has helped a lot, too.  Have you tried that?  

Good for you for joining the gym!   Keep up the good work!   More exercise will help us both - get those awesome feel good endorphins goin'.  :)

I wish you well!  Take care,

Charity