What have I learned about eating? That I use food for much more than sustenance for my body. I learned that I didn't know what to do with myself of constant eating were not an option. I learned that food was my hobby...my friend...my companion...my mentor. I learned that food was my drug of choice and my way to avoid dealing with emotions, situations, crisis and celebrations. What have I learned about myself? I am my own worst enemy. I am stronger than I ever thought. I do not take care of and or love myself nearly as much as I do the rest of the world. I am not alone. What have I learned about others? The people you thought were the least judgmental - are some of the most predjudiced. The people you thought had no time for you - respond when you smile at them. In most circles - thin is acceptable - fat is not. 10 years ago?? I wish I had known I was ok. I was a decent person. Being thin feels great...physically and emotionally...but I am still me. The same person I was. I wish I would have known I was worthy of my own admiration. I wish I would have known noone cares about my fat thighs or my bulging tummy. They are living their own lives. I wish I could have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. My ongoing issues: snacking...eating to make me feel better...self-sabotaging My biggest struggle: Fear. Fear of the unknown...fear that I will mess this up...fear that I won't have longtime success...fear that I do not have what it takes to make it thru this....fear that I will wake up tomorrow and will be the fat girl all over again.

What have I learned about eating? Hmmmm, where to start! First, I learned that I needed a lot more protein per day that I have eaten in my average day as a pre-op. I never was a big meat-eater.... I probably averaged less than 30 grams of protein per day before my WLS journey started! I've also learned more about the good/bad carbs. I've learned ways to make things healthier than the normal way.... What have I learned about myself? I CAN lose weight! I'll be 40 this year. I've dieted more times than I care to even try to count in those years (all but the first 10 that is). And most of my diet attempts failed miserably with no weight loss at all. Part of that was my severe hypothyroid situation. Part of it was poor portion control. But, I always thought that it was mostly just the fact that nothing I did worked for losing weight. Now, 165 pounds lighter, I see that I can do it and I can keep it off. I just needed my handy-dandy tool to help me out! What have I learned about others? Oh, that could be long! LOL First, people like to feed those they love. Why? Who knows! I guess it is because food can be such a comfort to people that creating a special meal or taking someone for a special meal gives a person the sense that they are bringing comfort to others. And, food events are big social times too. In the average family these days, the only time there is any real conversation is over food. We don't slow down enough any other time of day! So, food becomes the focal point of family time and time with friends.... We have to change that! We have to learn to make time to socialize that is not done over or around food! I've used exercise time for this lately. My 18 year old daughter and I have grown apart quite a bit since she moved out of my house. I just added her to my Curves membership and I stop to get her and take her with me when I go to Curves. She doesn't need the extra exercise (less than 25% body fat...lucky girl!), but it isn't hurting her any AND I get to chat with her as we go round the circuit. We don't have anything else distracting us. The guys aren't around to demand our attention (my hubby, her boyfriend). I usually go at a time of day when there are only one or two other folks there, so we get to exercise and chat and usually have a good time. It makes the time pass faster too! What do I wish I had known 10 years ago? Well, I wish we'd exercised more.... That goes without saying. I wish we'd learned sooner that what we thought of as one portion was usually 2-3. I wish I'd has WLS 10 years ago! My kids were still in the single digits then (5 and 8) and I would have gotten SO much more out of these last 10 years if I'd done it even at the weight I am at now (245)!! I was already in the 300s then. I wish I had had a better understanding of the effect of my thyroid issues then so that I was keener to the symptoms and what they meant long term. I wish I'd been taking even a plain ole multivitamin all those years... The only vitamins I took over the years was the prenatals when I was pregnant! Live and learn, right? What bad habits do I still need to dump? Well, I still have to MAKE myself go exercise. I still am too sedentary. I need to get more in the habit of exercising. I need to get a weight resistance program going. I NEED TO STOP PROCRASTINATING!!! That is what it all boils down to!! LOL What do you struggle with the most? For me, it really is distance... Let me explain. I live 25 miles from the nearest grocery store, place to exercise, Walmart, etc. I live in the country on top of a hill in the middle of freaking nowhere! Gas is $3 a gallon and my vehicle gets 15 to 16 mpg. SO, to drive that 25 miles each way to go to Curves costs me about $10. If I went to Curves 10 times a month, with the cost of gas and the cost of my single membership it would cost me $130 a month! So, due to this, I don't go enough! I don't have much in the way of exercise equipment at home, so I'm restricted in what I can do there. Mowing the lawn is a big part of my exercise routine. We're having a drought where I live, so mowing it every 2 weeks just ain't getting it these days! I have to do other stuff! I did make it to Curves twice this week! I am going to try and go to Curves EVERY time I have a reason of any sort to go to town.... Need groceries? Go exercise. Need animal feed from the feed store? Go exercise. Need to see the Doc or pic up Rxs? Go exercise! You get the point. Problem is that sometimes the timeframe isn't right. They are only open till 7. They are closed at lunch time and they are only open for 3 hours on Saturday and not at all on Sunday.... SO, I'm going to try to get there whenever I can! I have to start getting some of my money's worth out of that membership! I've been a member since last October and the number of times I have exercised there is pitiful! Hubby would sh*t if he knew how little I'd actually used that membership! LOL So, for me, it all boils down to exercise... I am not motivated enough. I don't do it enough. When I DO do it, I sometimes over do it and can't or don't want to do it again for days. Sometimes this is overdoing to the point of trouble with my discs in my back and days of pain. Sometimes it is overdoing it (like with all day lawnmowing) to the point of days of muscle soreness (uphill/downhill is hard on bad knees!). But, if I was doing it more often, I could do less at a time and get more overall benefit from it... You get the point! I would love to have some sort of weight resistance exercise machine at home. My surgeon recommends Bowflex or a generic version of it. Who can afford that! LOL I don't need another monthly payment! But, if I can find one used and cheap, I'm going to snatch it up! Any suggestions???? Lea

NO FLAMES HERE!! I'm going to just write as I am thinking and please don't take anything as an attack!! I am in the same boat as you! I'd like to "just eat" and not worry about it and do just that for months at a time. Then, I go back to logging what I eat... So, here's my feedback! As I read what you had eaten, I kept thinking "where's the protein first part?" Even on days when I don't think about anything else, I think protein first... I go through cycles I guess. For months (like last Dec to May), I will keep a food log and track every bite of food that goes into my body. And, I do sort of tend to obsess over it. As I work from home, I can stop at the computer and stick in the info after each meal or snack and then obsess a bit more about the next meal/snack to come! LOL Then, for no known reason, I stop. I tell myself that I have done this so long that I can do it in my sleep! And, I'll go for a few months (now June and into July) and just eat. I am very conscious about getting my protein first. I am very conscious of what is too many carbs (die hard label reader!) and what is not a good choice. I eat my protein food first at EVERY meal/snack. I carry protein snacks in my bag (baggie of pecans, pack of Just the Cheese, etc. I don't do protein shakes. I get all my protein from food sources and my surgeon prefers it that way. I aim for 65 to 80 grams per day. WITH THAT SAID, I sometimes sit and really think about what I have eaten in the past 24 hours--calories, carbs, and protein... Most days when I AM logging it, I average 1000 to 1200 calories, 60 to 75 grams of carbs, and about 75 to 80 grams of protein. The days that I retrace when I AM NOT logging it, I generally end up between 800-1000 calories, 55-60 grams of carbs, and 65 to 70 grams of protein. I actually find that I eat less when I am not counting it all and I can see this in my rate of loss too. And, when I am logging it and look at it and realize that I am not where I should be, I eat more to get it there. So, while I do get in more protein, I also eat more calories and sometimes more carbs. SO, I'm not convinced that writing it all down is helping me on the whole. But, there are a few days here and there when I realize (too late in the evening) that I didn't get all my protein in or I ate too many carbs or not nearly enough calories to stay out of starvation mode and I have to consciously think about food the next few days to be sure I am getting in what I should. I don't necessarily go back to writing things down, but I do think more about each meal and what I need to eat. For instance, yesterday I needed a lot of protein still by dinner time. I grilled myself a ribeye steak and ate that with some beans on the side (actually ate the steak and ate the beans about 1/2 hour later). This helped me get in 70 grams for the day. If I had not been thinking about what I was eating, I would have had part of the steak, a bit of beans, and probably several bites of baked potato.... See the difference? And, when it was all over, I'd be thinking about all those extra carbs I ate instead of thinking about how I got all my protein in for the day! LOL Another thing to think about is that we ARE still new at this! Yes, it has been almost a year. BUT, how many years did it take us to learn to eat? If we'd been left to eat what we wanted/liked as kids, how many of us would ever have tried a green veggie? How many of us would have eaten broccoli? My youngest sister has 4 kids who think chicken nuggets are a food group! They eat a green veggie maybe once a week. They drink soda all the time (water? Yeah right!). They eat at McD's at least 3-5 times per week (either lunch or dinner meal). They do pizza no less than twice per week. She buys cookies, chips, etc as snack foods--not baby carrots or peanut butter! Are they skinny? Heck no! Sis is 5'6" and about 230 pounds. Her hubby is 6'4" but weighs well into the 300s. Their kids are just about the same as far as weight out of proportion to height goes. But, that is their lifestyle. Did they (sister and her hubby) eat this way as kids in their parents' homes? No! They ate balanced meals with veggies and all! They (the whole danged family) have NO concept of protein needed for the body. They have no concept of "good" versus "bad" carbs. And, they don't WANT to know. They eat what they like, not what their body needs. BUT, we--as WLS postops--had to get past that and relearn what we should have learned all those years ago. For some of us it was not relearning it, but more or less just actually doing it. For others, it is truly not knowing and having to actually learn it all from scratch. As the wife of a diabetic man who also has high blood pressure and high cholesterol, even before I began having health issues of my own, I always prepared foods that were lower in carbs, higher in protein, lower in fat/cholesterol. But, portion sizes were an issue. So, for me at least, it wasn't so much WHAT I ate, but more the fact that I never ate breakfast and ate too large a portion at lunch and dinner. Plus, I was a late night eater/snacker. That combined with severe hypothyroidism got me to 410 pounds. I wasn't a binger. I wasn't a carboholic (most of the time! LOL). I just ate too much of what I did eat and at the wrong times of day.... Now, all that is history! And the weight is coming off and I feel TONS better. But, I have to live this lifestyle for the rest of my life or all that can change again.... I guess that what I am saying in such a long-winded way is that we have to focus our minds on actually WANTING those foods that work for us--the protein items off of the buffet or picnic table instead of the refined/carb-heavy/sweet stuff that we drooled over in the past. When we go to someplace with a buffet, I walk the whole thing and see what is there before I put anything on my plate. If there is something there that I would like to try that is not a totally good choice, I make sure to balance it with other stuff that IS a good choice and I eat the good things first. For instance, at the gathering where you ate the cake, I may have selected the cake, but I would also have selected something high in protein first--maybe a piece of chicken or a burger patty... I'd have eaten that first and then nibbled a bit on the cake while visiting with those I wanted to socialize with... Just because it is a "party" or festive occasion doesn't mean that the rules of eating change.... Same goes for my kids. They are not WLS patients, but they have always known what I expect when they fill a plate with food. My 18 year old is terrible about not wanting to eat a green veggie. She goes to the buffet and comes back with a plate that may have a piece of steak, some mashed taters/gravy, some mac/cheese, and some carrots. She sits down at the table and I say "Eliza....What is wrong with this picture?" Her response (in a sarcastic tone), "Where's the green vegetable?" She knows! I have always been that way--even when she was little! So, before she eats what she already has, she'll run get a bit of salad or such to get a veggie in before she eats all that starchy stuff. Her body type can handle the starchy/carby stuff. Mine can't. But, I still want her to eat what her system needs! LOL Now I feel like I have preached a sermon to the choir! But, I think about this stuff on a daily basis. I think about this stuff especially when grocery shopping and meal planning. My whole family is healthier since my surgery as THEY have had to think about some of this stuff that I used to take care of for the whole family. THEY have learned about what is and isn't a good source of protein. THEY have learned more about carbs/starches. They have all 3 lost a bit of weight just due to those changes in food selection and thought patterns. And, I hope that it has long term benefits for them and not just during this period of adjustment. Will it? We'll see! But, they can't say later that they didn't know this stuff! LOL Stop kicking yourself about yesterday. You know what you have to do. Yesterday is gone and you can't get it back now. I'm not gonna say "don't let it happen again." We will have bad days here and there! But, we have to know enough to realize it and do better afterwards! And, kicking our own ass on the exercise routine helps! LOL But don't let "I'll just exercise 30 more minutes this week" give you an okay to eat something you know you shouldn't! LOL I'm going to stop now!! Fire off a response if you still have any energy after reading this novel! Hugs, Lea

Candy, You and your doc are right. I do believe that my biggest obstacle to success is myself and some unrealistic goals. That being said...how phenomenol for you to on the cusp of normalacy in the weight arena. I always said I just wanted to be normal..average... You are my hero! Stay the good fight and keep being that beacon....there are lots of us still lost in the dark and we need you guys to help get us to port safely.

Okay....I just read both of your July posts.....LOVED, LOVED, LOVED your 10 month accomplishments, very well stated and I know I share in many of the same things you are celebrating in.....yeahhhhh, US!!!! Now, I must share with you a recent experience I had at a follow-up visit with one of the doctors.....I mentioned to her that I was just ONE little teenie-tiny number away from the FREAKIN' NORMAL BMI number and SHE FLIPPED on me!!! Seriously, flipped...."you don't get into this surgery thinking you are going to come out of it at a NORMAL BMI....no one ever told you that was going to happen, when you signed up for this, you were told....you will lose at least 30% of your excess body weight any where from 12 to 18 months after your surgery, if you accomplish more than that, you can consider yourself very successful in your Journey"....you know what, she is right! I have been extremely successful over the past 10 months, I am down 166 lbs.(and, yes, I had a few complications which could have contributed to a rapid weight loss, but I have also had tremendous succuss, too!). Sometimes, I think we need a little reminder / reality check....we all have been successful in regaining our health and if we remain focused and continue looking forward, we will continue to celebrate in this amazing Journey we all share with each other! Thanks again for sharing your accomplishments with us all, you hit it right on the head! Enjoy your success and celebrate in it!!!! Best wishes....Candy