Marriage

I love the fact that I have lost almost all my weight now. I only have a little over 30 pounds to get off, and I love all the attention that I'm getting, but I almost don't trust myself to stay faithful to my husband because of how much i love the attention. Don't get me wrong I love him very much, and he is the father of my only child, we have been married for 8 years now, and neither of us has been unfaithful. I was just wondering if anybody else was having the same feelings, and is brave enough to talk to me about it. You can go to my page and send me a personal message if you want. I hope nobody thinks I'm a ***** or anything, but I would rather talk to people who have had the surgery to know what I'm talking about.

I've been married for 16 years, and I believe my husband is the one and only true love of my life. I don't ever see myself leaving. Having said that, though, it feels so darn good when someone OTHER than my husband notices me. Before, I was the invisible fat girl. Now, though, men are holding doors, smiling at me, chatting with me... It's hard when you are married to someone for such a long time to remember to tell them how great they look, how wonderful they are, how much you love them, etc. My husband really tries, and he is being so nice about telling me how good I look. But when you are fat, and no one else is making comments to you, it's easy not to notice that your husband doesn't say much. When you lose weight and men start saying stuff, frankly, it makes your husband look bad. He isn't doing anything wrong - or even anything he hasn't been doing - but by NOT giving you extra attention when other men are willing to, it's easy to see why people stray. Choosing to be unfaithful, well, that's a big step. I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you to make sure your heart and your head are both in the same place when you make your decision. You don't want to do something that you will regret later.

Funny this topic came up. I have had co-workers that have made jokes asking if I was going to ditch my husband now that I am losing the weight. I know I won't have any problems staying faithful. I was overweight when I met my husband and gained about 70lbs more after we were married. I look at if from the perspective that my husband loved and accepted me at my worst that he deserves me at my best. Ironically my husband is not that overweight but a month before my surgery he changed jobs from being a restaurant manager always on the go to a sales rep and now he is in the car a lot and not as active. As I can no longer eat a full plate my leftovers are being passed to him and he has gained a lot of weight since my surgery. Last week someone honked at me as I walked down the street so I figured surgery is working. LOL. So as it's great that I feel awesome to get the attention my husband has always given me that attention fat or now thinner. My ex-husband is another story. He always made me feel ashamed of myself about the weight gain. I think it depends on how your husband treats you to determine how you treat him in return. If the situation was reversed and I was married to my ex I think I would be a gonner. Great post.

I do have one WLS friend who has been seriously flirting and getting very physical with men and women since surgery. Her marriage is in serious jeopardy as a result. I don't know if she's actually done anything, but it wouldn't surprise me. Several of us have talked to her about her behavior, but she doesn't see anything wrong with walking up to a strange man and grabbing his butt while she's talking to him, teasing him, etc. I think you need to get into some therapy to deal with what you're feeling. Though seen as a positive thing - more self confidence - it's actually rather self-destructive because it threatens your long-term life and happiness. I think it might be an important step to let your husband know where you're at. You might be showing signs of straying that you're not realizing that he's picking up on and it would probably be better to have an open dialog with him about what's going on with you than shutting him off. Best wishes to you.

Rebekah~ I am not judging you, and don't want to come across harshly, but if I were you I would get some counseling. If you are feeling like cheating might even be an option for you, you need to talk to someone I think. We were talking about this very issue at our support group last night, and I know exactly what you are feeling. I was saying almost the same thing you are..... it feels good to have other men look at you, check you out, and pay attention to you. For so many years I felt invisible. I am not invisible anymore, but I love my husband so much. It also helps that my husband has been my biggest cheerleader through the entire process. I am not worried about cheating, I don't put myself in situations where that is even an option. But.... if you feel like it might be an option, please do your child and husband a favor, and go and talk to someone soon. I hope that came across with love, because I mean it that way, marriage is sacred.... and it deserves extra attention (such as counseling for yourself) when needed. God bless you. Michelle