Eileen, Tammi & Lori : Thanks bunches for making the time for me. I did not get back to this until today. Obviously I got passed the holiday. It was also a remembrance of my Dad's passing July3, 22yrs ago. I've had so much stuff happen to me on July4 holidays. I did go home and felt more depressed and I did not stuff myself. I distracted myself and noticed I had to clean my kitchen floor. Then I noticed my bathroom, so I did that. Then I wanted to shower- did that. ANd before I knew it- I hopped into bed - got up Saturday and headed straight for my support meeting. It was one of the best meetings- I brought up this same issue and asked how others dealt with it. Seems others had the same issue and was glad I brought it up- I dont think they would have talked about it..AND I got to purge how I felt- so that was good- AND the social worker told me this was a milestone and a growth point- because I acknowledged what was wrong- didnt try to fix it with food- and even though I felt bad and crappy, I didnt cave in to bad behavior and moved forward with positive growth. Believe me, I know how to eat bad- we all do. I just didn't want to feel sorry for myself. I also think its because my birthday is coming up next weekend- and Im going to be 50. 30 & 40 was good- but this is a big number. I have new pictures. I tried changing my messageboard pic- but it hasnt worked. It worked only on the main board.I have new pictures of me in my photosite album if you want to see them: http://www.ny.babe.photosite.com My date with John wasnt great.He sponged off me for an expensive lunch and was very selfish with his attitude.Its too bad because we did connect and had some fun, but he is a selfish guy and was ignorant and not open to things I wanted to do. But even that crap didnt drive me to stuffing my face, even though I was so upset, I had my son call me on my cell and have me come home. I just wanted to tell you I got passed it (barely ) but with your help, I feel like you all gave me big hugs, and I need lots of those. Thank you for helping me and understanding me . And most of all- being there for me. I love ya all. Hugs Donna

Thank You! See my posted response below.

Hi Pat - You know, Dawn gives some excellent advice. Re read what she wrote and let me offer some of mine: You ARE doing well with your workouts- but what you are doing is self sabotage. We have all been victims of it- and that is why we have ballooned up and down all over the place. There are no amateurs here- we are all professional eaters! My support group laughs when I say that- because Im funny and yet Im right. You are badgering yourself and there is no reason for it. You have simply experienced some rejection. I know- I have had it my whole life. I HATE being single. But it doesn't have to be equated with loser or lonely. Those L words are out of your vocabulary. OK? I brought this up in my support group 7/1...I had something similar happen and I felt lost and lonely and a real void. I wanted to fill myself up with food or something to anesthesize how I felt. I felt bad. I was ******g depressed. I felt ****ty and there was no reason for it. HERE IS WHERE WE DIFFER- I SIMPLY REFUSED TO GIVE IN TO MY FEELINGS. I distracted myself with a thought. Then with that thought (of cleaning my kitchen floor), I did that and moved to cleaning the bathroom floor.. then I realized it was time to shower and I felt a little better. Went to bed and went straight to support Sat morning. I felt strung out, you know? I brought it up in group and asked how they handled it- and to MY surprise- Others had been thrrough the same thing- but no one voiced it. SO I was relieved and it was purging it, that made me feel better. PLUS the nutritionist told me this- and I say it to you: "You acknowledged a behavior without giving in. That is a cross road- and it shows Growth. Acknowledgement = Growth = change = Positive growth and what we all strive for. So do NOT feel bad. This was a huge milestone, noticing this." Its tough to cope without food. Now as far as sabotaging yourself and disliking yourself for not being at goal- what the hell is this? smile please.. I am not at goal and people after me have hit theirs. Ive come to a conclusion: people will walk alongside me and be bigger and smaller than I am. I have to be HAPPY with ME, at any stage. THAT is the real lesson to learn with this surgery. Balance. Self Love. Acceptance. Positive Self Image. Goal Setting. Pride in Me. Does that make sense? These things don't all come at once, and they all don't work at the same time. I find working on one thing, like setting goals, helps me with the others, but essentially, it all comes down to looking in the mirror and liking what I see. Do you like who you see? Most of the time I do like the woman in the mirror. Somedays she is prettier than others, some days she is funnier. But one thing is certain- she has more choices NOW than she did a year ago. Her life was limited and is now open to growth and opportunities. I struggle with different things now- but for the most part- I am Happy. Happy with me. I find living in this world, a little easier. Im more accepted. I do wish I was 30 again.I do wish I weighed 175 NOW. But thats just because I'll be 50 next week. But I'll be 50 looking 30 and in the best health Ive ever been in! How is that for a birthday present? So what do you have to be depressed about- when I'm the one turning 50? LOL I hope this has lifted you somewhat and perhaps widened your perspective. We all think we are alone, but you are not. Please post here anytime. You are welcome to the boards. Hugs Donna

Lori! Thanks for telling me- I couldnt figure out how to do that either! LOL I live in a tech enviroment and yet can't navigate around this site. LOL Anyway, I have new pics and will be posting them in my photosite album. Thanks! Donna

Wow.... incredible change. You look wonderful. Good for you. Glad you figured out the picture posting task... Nothings ever easy is it??? Have a great Day Tammy