Big Changes...

Hi Everyone! I need to vent today... Okay so I am down about 110 pounds from my highest weight and 104 from surgery... I love the way I look and feel these days! Its amazing! I wish I would have done this earlier! Here is my downside... 1. I notice that people treat me differently now that I am thinner (strangers mostly.... occasionally friends do) 2. People tell me how great I look now, and sometimes I think and what I looked like crap before? 3. I sometimes people are waiting for me to fail or start gaining weight 4. I don't want to be associated as the girl who lost a ton of weight anymore... i just want to be a "normal" person not a once fat person. I am not ashamed of who I was/am, i just am tired of being compared to her... my physical has changed not my personality... people don't seem to realize that... I am also not very happy at my job, so I am going to be moving to DC to go back to school to get a BS in Nursing. I am really excited! Scared too! But i need a change of pace from Chicago, go some where where I don't know anyone, and they don't know about the former me... I am just feeling kind of alone today, and ready to get out of chicago and start something new... Is anyone else having these same feelings, a need for change, sometimes angry about peoples reactions... I sometimes feel alone in these feelings... thanks kids! Bridget 280/175/140ish

Absolutely without a doubt, I agree about the horrible weight discrimination. I finally realize I spoke yesterday to a very heavy lady and I saw myself being surprised she was articulate, well educated and a wonderful person. That was a wake up call to me seeing myself fail at the very thing I swore to myself I would NEVER think or act to others the way I have received during my "FAT" days.

Bridget! I go through absolutely the seme experience/feelings you do. I'm delighted about the Wt.loss and I'm thrilled about the way I look and feel now, but I have a hard time dealing with people treating me differently: men, women, young, and old. Honestly I never felt discriminated against when I was bigger, ignored sometimes maybe, but that wasn't that ofte. But now I get so much attention alll different way, and it bothers me. Sometimes I want to scream inside: what's so different about me now that you are so excited? I'm the same, just thinner. The only people that haven't changed toward me are my close friends and family, everyone else did... What I hope for is that people forget, and this too will pass , and all the hoop-la-la about "this girl lost so much and looks so good" is going to be old news pretty soon. Take care. Rita

Bridget, You are sooo not alone with your feelings. It's great to hear how good we look now, but, man it sure makes you want to ask "Just how bad did I look before"... Of course, we know the answer to that one already. I think, for the most part, people are being nice & acknowledging the hard work that we've done to get to this point. We've experienced things that alot of people do not understand & the changes are so rapid that we really don't have alot of time to adjust before we start to get bombarded by the remarks. I do feel, however, that I am now under the microscope by everyone around me just waiting for me to slip up and once again fail. Sometimes, because of our yo yo diet history, we, ourselves are waiting to fail. People, today, tend to feed off of the horror stories & down side of the surgery. No matter where I go, if the surgery comes up, there's always a story. Usually, not a good one. They say "I know someone that had that surgery & gained all their weight back" or some kind of medical problem occurred & no matter what the problem is, it's due to the surgery. Why do people feel they have to tell someone that??? Good for you for making a new start in your life. Congratulations. I think it would be wonderful. Just to be an ordinary person in the eyes of everyone around you....how great will that be??? No longer just a weight loss surgery post op.... Take care Tammy

It does feel strange. The way people treat me differently. People make eye contact more often and I always get the door held for me now. It makes me glad and mad at the same time. I'm glad I look better, but mad they didn't treat the fat me the same. I lost a bunch of weight on phen-phen years ago. And the same thing happened. Several of my male friends started hitting on me as well; treating me like a different person. It actually made me very depressed, which contributed to my regaining all the weight I lost. I'm hoping I can deal with it better this time. Now I know I lost the weight for me and who gives a hoot what other people think. I'm just happy I can travel on planes easier. Torrey (281/198/145)

Hi Everyone! Thanks so much for your fantastic remarks and letting me know that I am not the only one going through this! It is just so frustrating sometimes! Last night I was having a poor me moment (they happen every so often) and just needed to vent a little... I am feeling much better today. I think a lot of it has to do with just being worried about moving to DC, wondering what is going to happen there... The unknown is so exciting and scary at the same time... thats how i felt before surgery... but hey, this surgery was the best choice I have ever made, and I am hoping that DC will be the second! Thanks again everyone for making me feel like I am not alone on this WLS boat! Bridget

You are definitely NOT alone Bridget! I have experienced discrimination from the heavier women! I used to be one of them, meaning I was "one of the girls" and now I am an outsider! I get glares from them when we go out even if I smile at them, which I ALWAYS do!! I just want to tell them that I am a former "fat chick" and I am a NICE person!!! (Please don't be offended by the "fat chick" remark...) Even girls that I have known for some time... they don't even want to talk to me anymore. I haven't changed other than my looks. My attitude is still the same. I might be more outgoing but I am still the nice, sweet, friendly girl I have always been! And boy if I even look at their boyfriends/husbands... Look out! I have a "HOT" husband. I don't need theirs! On the other side of the coin, I get lots of positive attention too. Especially from total strangers! People look me in the eye, smile at me, offer to help me, etc. Makes me feel like I was totally unworthy before of their attention. But I try and take it all in stride. I made the decision to have surgery to make my body smaller and healthier. I have to take the good with the bad. Have a great day!!! Lori

hi, Lori! you said:"On the other side of the coin, I get lots of positive attention too. Especially from total strangers! People look me in the eye, smile at me, offer to help me, etc." Exactly that makes me upset. I may be irrational, but I don't want nicer just because I'm slimmer. I'd love it if somebody who is nice to people is nice to all of them, fat or thin. Not everyone is nice.... but don't be nice to me now if you weren't before just because I've got better shaped body all of a sudden, darn it. I maybe blowing it all out of proportion. take care, Rita

I hear ya Rita! And I agree. It's kind of like positive/negative attention. Like I said, it makes me feel like I must have been totally unworthy of that kind of attention before.. BUT....at the same time, those perfect strangers who are being nice to me don't know that I used to be fat. And in a perfect world, we would all be treated equally. It's sad that ANYONE should be discriminated against but it happens every day. And not much we can do to change it unfortunately. I was just trying to compare the two, negative and positive (although not really positive to our feelings sometimes). Hope that explains things better. Love ya, Lori

Lori, I wasn't trying to argue anything you or others said here... And I too have no i"issues" with strangers.... it's people that you knew before and now.... and only those who are showing this difference in attitude... it's these men that hardly said hello before, and all of a sudden now trying to hit on me or be my best friend.....They aren't getting even a curious look from me... ... Even though it may sound "high school"... hugs, Rita