Help! My Husband is leaving me!

Hello! I have not posted in a while, but am so in need of prayer and support right now I don't know where to turn. I am so afraid of what is happening to me right now and I do not want to fail in my WLS journey. My husband, whom I married just 15 mos. ago, has decided he is not happy any longer and is leaving me and my two children who have called him Daddy for almost four years because he says that I have "changed" since surgery. The scale has changed, I am down 129 pounds (from 425 to 291) but I am the same women who loves him and my kids. They are the reason I did this. He says he resents that I seem to be more concerned with my weight loss than him and he feels as though he is lost in the shuffle of my life now. I am so hurt and so devestated by this that I can't eat, sleep, barely breathe. I am so afraid that I am going to crumble and make the wrong choices for my WLS because of these emotions. How could he do this to us? He was always a loving, wonderful, and seemingly supportive man. This comes from out of nowhere and I am in shock. Has anyone else experienced anything like this??? Thank you for listening and please share any advice/experiences you may have.......... Michelle 425/291/185

(((michelle))) it is hard to not be consumed by wls. it is a big change! we have to eat, drink, exercise and take care of ourselves, when in the past most of took care of everyone's needs and ignored our own! drink your water, get in your protein and exercise, you still have control over that. the other will work itself out one way or the other. BUT you are important! Take care of yourself! I will be thinking and praying for you! stay strong! hippie

Hi Michelle.... first of all {{{{hugs}}}} to you. I think maybe he is feeling insecure with himself. I am sure you have told him that what he says isn't true, that you do value him in your life and don't want him to leave. I don't really have any advice other than make sure you are taking care of yourself. You have two kids who need their mom. He might come to his senses sooner or later. You two should sit down and have a talk and get everything out in the open. I find that helps with me and my husband. Good luck sweetie! Lori

Michelle, I am so sorry to hear that. My husband of six years just left me and our two children age 4 and 5 on Sunday. He also said that I have changed and I do agree with him. I have changed in the fact that I am not misreable anymore, I deserve respect and compassion and I wont take anything less. Not that it matters now but Sat was my B-day, I guess we both are having a bad week. I am sure that this will end up being a blessing someday. I am also very hurt and shocked because I had no idea. I guess we live and learn. I don't have and advice exept keep your head up, time will heal and remember who is important.....YOU and your kids!!!! If you need to chat please email me......Timeka 319/197/150goal

Timeka, Sorry to hear you're going through a similar situation. You have the right attitude girl. Like I told Michelle, focus on yourself & your kids. That's what's important right now. We're here for you Tammy

You are both such strong and beautiful women. Do you think maybe they both feel so insecure that they thought "I'll dump you before you dump me"? You both are in my thoughts and prayers. LOL, Sherry

Michelle, Sorry to hear what you're going through. This surgery changes our lives in every aspect. I do believe that as overweight people, we are givers, not takers, mostly in part for acceptance. We feel that if people won't accept us for what we look like, they'll accept us because we have loving, giving personalities. For the past 4 years, I'm sure your life surrounded your children & your husband. Now that you've had the surgery, you have no choice but to pull back some of that time you spent on your family & focus on yourself. This is probably shocking to your husband. He needs to understand the fact that it's not that you love him any less, it's that you Deserve to devote some time to yourself. You don't have a choice. Do you think he would attend a support group meeting with you? This may help him understand a little better about the process. Possibly other spouses would be there as well & can relate. I do hope that things work out for you, but I do have to say that quite possibly he's being selfish and he's not thinking about you. This process is about you and sometimes spouses have a hard time dealing with that. Sometimes I think it's like when you're newly married & then have a baby. Some men have a hard time in that your focus changes from him to the baby. It's a transition for everyone. Hopefully, he'll come to understand that. If not, we're here for you to lean on. Stay strong... Don't let this get in the way of your success. Your main concern right now is yourself and your children. Keep that in mind. God Bless Tammy

Hi Michelle, I just went to your profile and read the most incrediable line at the beginning of it..."I am 36 years old, wife to wonderful hubby, Kevin, and mommy to two beautiful children who all love me unconditionally." This is the first line of your profile. Maybe you could go back to it and let your husband read it or if he has read it, reread it. My first reaction to your post is that he is scared and it is my second and third one. Now, I have to let you know that I have no experience with men. I've always been considered the friend, so I've never been married and I've only dated 2 times and they were first dates only. However, I am very familar with the fact that as humans, we don't like change. We like things to stay the same. He may have thought that the changes would be nice at first, but maybe he is seeing male attention being given to you that wasn't there before and it is freaking him out. Or maybe he thinks your diffrent in how you act with him and other men that seems like flirting. I haven't changed who I am on the inside, but I am percieved differenly now that I am 80 lbs lighter then I was. Male attention is something that was not an issue for me before. I was always considered the boy's friend, not his girlfriend. Now, however, men treat me differently, but I am just being me. I talked at length with my boss about it today. I still feel the same, but I am different on the outside. Maybe your husband is just freaking out because he is sure in his mind that you are going to dump him so he figures he'll dump you first. Please, as someone else suggested, sit down and converse with him. If you can't do it on your own, get counseling. It sounds like you attend church, so talk with a trusted Pastor or maybe Christian counseling. I will be praying for you. This journey is wonderful and scary all at the same time. I know that as I progress, I am still trying to get my mind to catch up with where my body is at. I am not at all successful in this at times. Please keep yourself on track and don't sabbotage your efforts because your husband wants the old you back. Your last post on your profile states how wonderful you feel physically because you can move and do more. You deserve to feel great and your kids deserve you healthy. Keep going and ask your husband specifically what he sees that has changed in you. Don't get defensive, let him talk and you may see that he is scared right now. If you aren't clear with what he is saying, repeat back what you heard him say and ask him if that is what he meant. Be brave, this takes courage, but if you want to work it out, it must be done. Sorry for being so long and know that I am praying for you and your family! Lori 293/211/135/130

Michelle, I am so sorry you are having to go through this. I hope you will be able to sit and talk with your husband and that he will realize that he is ONE of the reasons you have taken this path, because you want to be healthy for those you love. I have had to back off talking about my weight with my BF as well, really because he does not understand because he has never been heavy and he thinks that him saying he loves me the way I am should be enough. Men are very selfish in the respect that they think if we give anything a little more attention, we love them less. I truley hope things work out the best for you and your children, even if it means it is without Kevin. If you are a religious person, you can email me and I will forward you a novena to St. Jude, Patron Saint of Seemingly Hopeless Causes. I have used it many times myself, over the years and although I am not an extremely religious person, IT WORKS!

Michelle & Timeka, I'm so sorry for both of you. There must be something in the air. My beset friend - who is more of a sister than friend - just had her husband of over 20 years tell her he doesn't love her, and hasn't in a while. Between 3 marriages and my dad's stroke this past weekend... yee****he other ladies have summed it up I think. Yes, we've all changed - we're concentrating on our health, we're more confident, and folks in our lives are probably afraid that we're going to move on from them. Communication is probably key. Good luck, and remember, that you're not at fault for becoming healthier. Dawn