Did anyone have second thoughts after talking to spouse?

I was talking with my husband tonight and now I am thinking "why am I doing this..is it for me, for us or for my daugher?" I know the answer and I know I am doing something that others shudder to think about. Not that my husband isnt supportive. He is probably my biggest cheerleader, however he said tonight "I just know that with that big of a change, comes a mental change too". I am SOOOOOOO glad that everyone has my brain figured out. I know who I am at 300 lb and I knew myself at 145 lbs. I am the SAME PERSON. I can honestly say that the change in me will only make me happier/healthier and more active, I dont plan on going out and purchasing hoochie mama shorts, and I dont plan on wearing halter tops and showing off my tummy or my belly ring (yes I have one...and it its been well hidden for like 10 yrs****rtainly dont plan on going out and upgrading my spouse on a younger smaller model, I love him the way he is and I love our life. He is afraid I think that we wont be able to go out and do the things we used to he said people will look at us at a restaurant eating and he will be eating his meal and I will be eating a portion and people will be like "oh look he only lets her have a little off his plate". OK he was laughing when he said it..but I know people say what the mean even if its in jest. I dont think he will be weird to me afterwards, I just am afraid that this whole week is goign to be me reassuring him and not the other way around. I honestly think that maybe this is just a cover up for the concern that something might happen to me. I told him that something might happen if I dont do this. I already am borderline diabetic, I am already a risk to myself for heart disease (it runs in my family), and I could conceivealby get fatter as time goes by. What other things can I say to him to make him feel at ease? Sorry for the ramble, I am not very expressive when it comes to important stuff and me-in my head this post made more sense than it does "on paper". Just looking for some words of wisdom. Alisa

Hey Alisa! My husabnd and I went through some of the same conversations. He was so worried about something happening to me that he blew up at a co-worker! Men sometimes have a harder time saying what is really bugging them like, "will she she still want to be with me," or "will she still find me exciting." My husband said something that gave me a small insight to how he was feeling. He said your life is on the verge of a huge change. I think sometimes it is hard for our loved ones to stand on the sidelines. I think he felt a little left out. Where we are looking forward in anticipation they might be looking forward with uncertainty. Be patient with him. Ask him how he feels in the deepest part of his heart and be willing to listen. Let him ask you the tough questions. We talked about what should he do in the event that something went very wrong. He really needed to talk to me about it and have me listen. It took a load off his mind and put a lot of peace back. I hope this helps. Good luck - Holli

Holli I agree with what you are saying too. My husband I think says the jokes but in the end, is really worried that something might happen, the risks. HOWEVER, I know that I am in the hands of god and a wonderful surgeon so I am not worried (or try not to be). I wouldnt EVER leave him. We have a child..and a life and more over I made a promise to him for life...he cant shake me! I am like the black plague! haha. I am glad we had our talk, however I am thinking 6 days before my surgery isnt a good time to start! I told him it makes me second guess and he said that wasnt his intention and I know that. I think you are right about the sideline thing. I think you hit the nail on the head. Alisa

Alisa, It is 3:28AM and I can't sleep because my surgery is this morning. I too have had second thoughts about surgery. My husband broke down last night and part of me said the same thing you did. "why am I doing this" I am doing this for me and for us so I can be healthy. I have been fat all my life...273lb this morning. This is going to be a big change, both physically and mentally. I have always used food for comfort... I love my husband with all my heart and I know this is the right thing for me. Just tell your husband you love him and have a talk with God and everything will work out. Say a little prayer for me today Tracy

I think it's only natural for the people who love us to be worried for us. Worried that we will come through surgery ok, worried that we will change so much that they will no longer know us, worried that our lives will change so dramatically that we will somehow forget about them. We can't forget to be supportive to them, as much as they are supporitve to us. It's always easier for the person who is going through something than it is for the person on the sidelines who isn't quite sure of everthing that is happening and can only wonder. That's what love is all about....reassuring each other and being supportive when needed. It sounds to me like you are loved a great deal and that is why he is worried. Keep communicating, I think that is the key to successful relasionships. Hugs, Lynne