Thanks for everything

I just wanted to thank all of you sweeties on this board for worrying about me. I have been in this funk now for about a month. I have gone through bouts of depression my whole life, well since I was about 8 or 9 but not diagnosed until I was in my 20's. I have fought with it and won most of the time. I have been on several different meds and thought that I had it licked. I haven't been on meds for almost a year. I felt great! But lately, things started to change. Work is so stressful, home life is kinda up in the air as far as my hubby is concerned, the kids have horrendous schedules right now with sports, and just everything together has been too much for me lately. I keep telling my husband that I need some kind of break from it all. He can only say that we will do something IF it works out that we can have the weekend off from everything else. I can only say that it HAS to happen. It's not a question of IF we can make it work. I don't know how much more I can take sometimes. I have started new meds and hope they bring my mood up. Some days I am fine, but most days I am not. I am NOT feeling suicidal in the least...I think suicide is a cop out and very selfish (IMHO). I just need some ME time. And some US time. He gets so involved with the kids and their sports (which is not a bad thing) that he forgets about me. I don't think he does it intentionally. I just think he is so caught up with what they are doing that he just doesn't think about it. Even with me telling him he is doing it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE MY KIDS and I LOVE THEIR SPORTS!!! But you have to make time for each other too. Or else it just doesn't work, at least in my opinion. My kids will be out of the house and on to college in just a few short years. I suppose I shouldn't be so selfish as to want time for me. I should be enjoying what little time I have left before they leave the nest. And for the most part, I do enjoy it. But once in a while, I want to do something for me. Am I wrong for wanting this? I don't think so. I am sorry for rambling but I really don't have anyone else to talk to. My best friend lives in Utah. My second best friend lives right here in the town I work in but is never available for me. My sister, well ya know.... So... my options are to either talk to myself... or come here and talk to you all. I choose the latter... Thanks again for listening... I do truly appreciate each and every one of you. Take care, Lori

Hi Lori, That's what we are here for. You would do the same for us. Hope things pick up now with the new drugs. I am on msn and yahoo if ya feel like chatting any time [email protected] or [email protected] Take care Joyce RNY Aug 3/05 356/256

Thanks Joyce. That means alot. Lori

Lori, like I said, we are one in the same. Ditto.. Ditto.. Ditto.. to everything that you've said. I have made this point before, but if we tatoo laces across our !#@ (red for baseball, white for football and black for basketball) we might get more attention. You are not selfish at all for wanting time for yourself and for you and your husband. You have to set an example to your children on how a healthy marriage should work as well. That is just as important as the lessons that they will learn in sports. We are an athletic family. My son plays baseball, basketball, football and races dirtbikes. My husband coaches all of those sports. WE LOVE SPORTS!!! However, at times I think we get carried away with it and our priorities get out of place. I mean what good is it when we teach our oldest son about character, dicipline and sportsmenship on the field, but my husband and I are arguing all the time because of the stress from practice, games, work, the new baby and life in general because we don't have time to just sit together and talk? It was like we were saying, "do what I say, Son, not as I do". We don't have it figured out, but we did take a break and I feel a million times better. Feel free to vent anytime. That's what we are here for. LOL, Sherry

Thank you Ms. Sherry! I appreciate your support and understanding. Hubby and I are working on getting away on the Harley for the weekend. We had a chat last night and I told him that the last time we had a weekend away was July of last year! I said that we need to start having time away from the kids at least once every 3 months, not once every 12!!! Hopefully this will make things better. Thanks again.. Lori

Hey Lori, I think we all know what you are going through. I am considering going to see my doctor as well. Like, you, I am having a hard time handling stress. I work all day at my job that is currently outsourcing, then pick up my three kids from daycare, feed, bathe, take care of them and then get them in bed. Meanwhile, my "significant other" works 11p-8a so he has to make sure he gets plenty of sleep so he gets out of bed around 7p-8p then leaves for work at 930p. We see him maybe an hour a day and he is no help. He gets to come home after work, fix something to eat, take a nice long bath and go to bed. No laundry, no dishes in the sink, no toys on the floor and if the kids DO leave something lying around, he spends the hour we see him yelling at them to clean their rooms. My 7 year old son actually apologizes to me for making me mad when I yell at him, which makes me feel an inch tall and then yesterday, my 3 year old asked me why I am always yelling. I don't know how much more I can take. You all are all I have as well. My family doesn't live here and they don't care for my SO anyway, so they just tell me to MAKE him help. The point is, I should be able to do it by myself. I know I am not hte only single mom of 3 out there and I don't see anyone else whining about not being able to work and take care of their family. My little girl starts Kindergarten in the fall and I want to spend as much time with them while they are little as I know they grow SO fast. But I don't want to spend all my time with them too stressed to enjoy them. I used to vent by stress eating, but I don't have that anymore, which is a GREAT thing, but I don't have any other channel now. How do you other single moms do it all???? Debbi

Hi Debbi, Yeah I don't know how single mothers do it. I couldn't. I applaud you for doing what you do. My kids are grown so I don't have quite the responsibilities at home that you do. Mine is more with their sports and crazy schedules. Husbands on the other hand sometimes (unintentionally) just take for granted all that we do. I am very grateful for my husband. Life just sometimes gets in the way of our relationship. I know it shouldn't but in the real world, it does. We are trying to work on things. I have talked to him and told him what is going on inside my head. Our schedule with the kids is crazy but we are going to try and squeeze some time in to be alone for a night or two. There might be a weekend in there when we can take off.. SO things are looking up! It's nice to know that we can count on each other for support, even just to vent on this board! Take care, Lori

Hey Lori! It is so wierd that we all have so mu*****ommon on this forum. I started to post the other day when I saw your post on meds, but time got away and I just lurked , anyway, I too have had problems with depression since childhood, and like you, was not on any meds until later, my early 30's. I started having alot of anxiety with my first husband and after that things went downhill dealing with life in general. I have been on many different meds, but after surgery I went from Lexapro to Welbutrin as well as klonipin, I had heard it had less side affects, you think more clearly, more focused, and less sexual side effects. I have still had problems, especially the last several months with depression and spoke with my doctor on Monday. We are thinking it is because my hormones are out of whack! I am in the early stages of menopause and I was given a round of meds to make me start my cycle, that was for 10 days, and I took the last pill on Sunday, here it is Wednesday and still no period. As soon as I start my period I am being put on low dose birth control pills with no side effects like weight gain, etc. and go back to my obgyn in 3 months....I am really wanting my cycle to get going again. I am only 44 years old, only huh?, anyway early for menopause to me, and it is also effecting my sex drive, which is not good. I have lost 147 pounds now and have to really push myself to even try to want to have sex with my DH. It is not him, it is ME...he is a wonderful lover and friend and has been very patient with me but now that he is losing weight as well his sex drive is getting stronger! HELP! Anyway, just thought I would share and let you know we all sometimes think no one else feels the same way we do, but then on this wonderful board where we can share our eyes are open and we can see alot of people are worse off than us. I hope your weekend trip works out. My hubby would kill for a Harley! Take care and know we can do this together as a group of supporters! Much and blessings! Nancy

It IS weird how mu*****ommon we all have. I am feeling much better now. Alot of the reason is because of all of you. I don't feel alone anymore. It really isn't a laughing matter but laughter sometimes is the best medicine. These new meds seem to be working. The thing I like most is that I don't FEEL like I am taking anything. In the past with depression meds, I always felt like I was "on" something ya know? I hated it. So far so good with the Celexa. We bought our Harley in 2002. We absolutely love it. I will have to post a pic on my profile sometime. I feel so small on the back now! I always felt like a big heffer on the back at 281lbs. And I am sure I was a sight. But now I feel small and sexy and liberated in a way! Thanks for your caring and understanding. I truly appreciate it! Lori

Hi Sweetie!! I'm glad we're here for ya. I don't think you're selfish for wanting "Me" and "Our" time. I say - go take the "Me" time - even if it's a simple drive and lunch in the country and if you can swing it - a cheap hotel where you si****ching what you want in your all-together. My best friend has been married for 20 years and at the beginning of April their marriage almost dissolved because they hadn't taken "Our" time and as their children are in high school the empty nest thing is hanging over their heads. You don't want to have the kids gone and realize the only thing that your husband and you had in common were the kids' activities. Why don't you start with an evening since the kids' are so busy. It would be a start. Feel free to come and vent whenever ya need!! Dawn