My sister told me I look old...

I showed my sister my new message board pic and she said, "Lori, that picture makes you look really old!" My jaw about hit the floor! She is so jealous of me losing weight that she can only give me bad compliments. It ****** me off. We have had this sibling rivalry over our weight issues for years. She has ALWAYS been smaller than me. For the first time in our lives I am the smallest sister. You think she would be proud of me. But noooo. I made the remark that the heavier women give me dirty looks now when we go out. Both my sisters told me that I should expect that and that I should get over myself! The only thing I meant by it was that I am not a b*tch to these women, and I don't flaunt myself in front of their men, and I smile at them. I do nothing to provoke this. But my sisters pointed out that they (my sisters and these women) do not like skinny beyotches because they think they are something special. I can't believe that I never noticed this attitude from them before. But I am sure it has always been there. They also had the guts to tell me that they have resented me their whole lives because I was the oldest and got all the glory. I got a graduation party, I got senior pictures, I got this, I got that...etc. Of course this was the night that I was their designated driver and was sober. They were NOT sober. They made me feel bad. I didn't say anything as they were jabbering back and forth in my truck as I drove them home. They were talking like I wasn't even there. I will approach them sometime with this but I am still hurting from their comments. I even have my mom, who had DS surgery 2 1/2 years ago and weighs 150lbs, make comments to me. She said, in a snotty tone, that I was going to pass her up. She loves being the smallest in the family after 50 years of being the biggest. I tell her all the time how good she looks. Well now I am getting attitude from her that I may end up passing her in our weightloss. I give up. I can't win with my family and never have. They are always cutting someone down or gossiping about someone. It makes me sick. I am so glad that I am not like them. And NEVER will be. Sorry this is so long. But I needed to vent. And I knew you all would be ok with it. Thanks for lending an "ear"... Love you all, Lori

Lori - I'm sorry your family can't be supportive of you. But come here, we love you and will support you!!! Jealous-cats, all of them! Vent anytime you need to! It bothers me to read how some family members are so unsupportive and actually say hurtful things. I mean, OMG, didn't we have enough strangers say belittling things about our weight? Having family say nasties just makes it that much worse! Good for you for being the "bigger" person and not being like them!! I always say it's a good thing we can't pick our family, because if we could, we probably wouldn't pick the ones we have! I know it's hard, but try not to let it bother you - again, we're here for you, to laugh, cry and celebrate with you - always! Take care, Teresa - lap rny 8/2/05 - 370/236/170

Thank you Teresa. And thanks for being here! All of you! I knew I could come here for the support I need. Hopefully they will come around eventually and except me for who I am. And who I have become. I am still the same person on the inside thank goodness. THAT won't change! Lori

Family!! I can't win with mine either. I am the oldest as well and have a brother that is 10 months younger. He is the favorite in my family and everyone knows it. We laugh about it, but it still hurts a little. I grew up around boys. I have two sons and five nephews. I can't give you a lot of advice on sisters. You are beautiful and have a great personality. You and I both know that there are some jealousy issues going on here. I have not always been big. In high school and college, I was tall with long, blonde hair and 36-26-36 measurements. I did not flaunt myself either, but I got a lot of attention from the opposite sex. I was uncomfortable with it then and I am uncomfortable with it now that men are beginning to look my way again. Enjoy it for what it's worth. You know who you are inside, Lori. You don't need your sisters, other big women or even your mother to define that for you. I have never met you, but I consider you a friend. As far as those that gossip and always seem to put other people down... I have a huge problem with that. Honestly, there a women that absolutely do not have a thing to say unless they are putting someone else down. I have a no nonsense type of personality. I love to cut up and have fun, but when people act that way it clearly states that they have no self-esteem. One thing that I have learned from being obese is who I really am and what I stand for. It is unfortunate that women try to hurt one another to serve their own ego agenda. LOL, Sherry

Hey Sherry, I was never obese in school either. I was overweight the first two years of HS but then lost 40lbs over the summer and was about 135 junior and senior year. But my sister was always still smaller. They have no idea what it was like for me to weigh 281lbs. They are both right around 200lbs. They don't know how badly my body felt. If they did, they wouldn't have a negative thing to say about me. I HATE gossipy, negative people. There are way too many of them around me, including my once best friend from HS. I can't even stand to be around her anymore. All she can do is tell me how much of a ***** I am for getting skinny. She is about 275 lbs and very negative and downright mean at times. And she has no self-esteem whatsoever. I have offered to help her get approved for surgery but she wants no part of it. I can't win for losing... so to speak! Thanks again for the support. I, too, consider you a friend. Thanks for being there for me and everyone else. That means alot. Lori

Oh, Lori. We are in the same boat about having too many negative people around us. I absolutely do not fit in in the small community that I live. I do not join in the afternoon gossip ceremonies and name bashing that most of the mothers have every afternoon at the baseball park. My feelings are that if they talk about everyone else behind their backs then as soon as I am gone, they will talk about me. I have a lot of trust issues I guess, but I don't want to waste time on friendships like that. Sherry

Hey Lori, We are more alike than I thought! I too have a sister who has always been the thinnest. I have always been the "heavyie" sister, although in high school it was due to I was very athletic, but still, I have always been bigger and she always called me fatty or hippo. NOW, we are the same size. She does not cut me down like your family does to you, but she also HATES that I have been so successful. granted, she was there when I had my surgery and even helped me pay for it, but I do not think she realized I would be so successful or that she would gain so quickly.She is still 10 pounds lighter, but seeing as how our whole lives she has been skinny, it kills her that we almost wear the same size and when I try to help her, without preaching, she gets really pissy. it was funny when she would say something about my weight to me, but when I say something to her, you would think I committed the worst crime against her. At my youngest brother's wedding in March, my other brother commented on how great I look and how huge she has gotten and I felt so bad for her. Thank god she wasn;t there to hear it, but it made me realize what my family must have been saying about me behind my back. Families, we don't shoose them ,they don't choose us but we have to make the best of it! But your "Family" here cares about you just the way you are!! Hang in there and rememebr that you are right, it's all out of jealousy and you definitely gave them something to be jealous of!!! Debbi

Hi Debbi, Yes we are more alike than we thought! My sisters and brother always called me names growing up. And my own mother did too. She always told me to get off my fat ass and do something. "Nice mom, thanks, I appreciate that!" They really aren't bad people. They just don't know how to compliment. We were raised by parents who never told us they loved us or gave us any praise. So we learned not to be free with the compliments. I am totally different now. And my parents, except for that comment from my mother, are usually very supportive of me and DO tell me they love me...now... I have learned to rely on my husband and my kids for support. My in-laws are very supportive of me as well. Not to mention my family here! Lori

Lori, I think you look great! You don't look old at all. I look old, and it used to bother me, but now, I really don't care. A lot of it is probably jealousy. This woman at work the other day said to me, "Wow, Carrie, your legs look so skinny, especially compared to your belly!" Talk about your back-handed compliments! And this is from a woman who is all belly. Just feel good about yourself, and please don't let anyone bring you down! Carrie

Thanks Carrie! I really appreciate your support and kindness. I can't believe the nerve of some people! Those backhanded comments hurt but we just have to know that we are the better person and don't say to them what we realllly want to say! Lori