Why do I focus on the negative????

I am two pounds from the century club, but I am trying hard not to focus on it. Yeah, right!! I can see a difference in my clothes and how I look, but it is funny that I always seem to focus on the negative. Now I notice the extra skin, that my face is not as tight, my breast are saggy---you know the drill. I am thrilled that I was able to get the surgery. I am estatic that I have lost so much weight. I am pleased a*****h that I am wearing clothes from high school (ok I am a pack rat.) It is just I wish I could stay in that happy place and not focus on what I don't like. Any thoughts, advice, admonishments??? Take care Alicia P.S. Have you noticed my picture looks like a mug shot. Maybe I should try to smile. 240/144/130

Wow, you've done so well, you SHOULD be proud of yourself!!! I think part of our focusing on the negative comes from years and years of being obese and hating ourselves. I don't know about you, but I really really really did not like myself before the surgery. I'm working through all of that and learning to give myself compliments (kind of) and accept compliments from others, although that's a tough one for me. Little by little we'll have our self esteem back and then we won't notice all of the negatives... (I'm not trying to imply that you have a low self-esteem, but I do, so if this doesn't apply to you, please don't take it personally). Anyways, you've done WONDERFULLY, you're absolutely BEAUTIFUL, and SKINNY too!!!!!!!!! And yes, smiles are always nicer, but mine is pretty much a mug shot too!!! (That's a before pic by the way... I need to send in a new photo). Take care and keep up the good work!!!! *HUG* Dawn

I do it, too. Focus on the negative, that is. I've been making a conscious effort lately to be positive. I'm one of those people who lets a couple of small setbacks throw me completely off my game. I convince myself that "everything" is going wrong or "everything" is rotten just because a couple of things in my life are not the way I want them to be. Then I get into "To Hell with It" mode and start sabotaging everything. I used to do that with diets all the time. I haven't been doing it so far with WLS--probably because most of the time it's hard to convince myself (even in one of my most negative moods) that the bad effects of WLS can detract in any significant way from the good effects. But I definitely do get in negative moods when I beat myself up for not losing faster or for continuing to look and feel "fat" after losing 100 lbs. Right now I'm still on a high from reaching the Century Club. In a few days or weeks, it'll wear off and I'll start getting uptight about the 45-50 lbs I still have left to go. I'm just going to try to hold onto this feeling for as long as I can and find other things to get giddy about, like changing sizes, a makeover, and stuff like that. You're not alone. Sorry I don't have any really good advice for you. I'm just basically trying to force myself into thinking more positively about the world. I think we program ourselves through years of low self-esteem and expecting the worst (and getting it) to keep thinking that way. But we don't have to. It seems like the world reacts to us the way we think of ourselves. I know I get more positive and friendly reactions from people when I am feeling good about myself and my place in the world. You're doing great! Keep up the good work and think about all the good stuff in your life every day. ---- Leslie -101

You are definately NOT ALONE!!! I've been going through the same thing. For me I have realized that part of my issues is that I'm feeling vulnerable which is why I have been self sabotaging over the last month. I have been working really hard over this week to accept compliments instead of blurting out "oh no, I'm not skinny...the clothes hide a lot". I have also been starting each day with some postive self talk. Every morning I tell myself as I look in the mirror and tell myself "I am pretty, I am thin, I am healthy and I deserve this." Some advise that was given to me was that when you look in the mirror and you see the skin, or the fat or whatever you don't like. Take time to look at what you DO like. Look at your eyes, how they sparkle now...or take a look at your collar bones...notice that you HAVE them now...I know it's not easy...Lord KNOWS it's not...but together I think we can all pull through this. For years I hid behind my fat and now that I don't have it (or at least as much of it, because let's be honest here...I still have some stubborn belly fat) I have nothing to hide behind. I'm going to continue with the positive self talk, I'm going to start writing in a journal, I'm going to take a compliment and say "thank you" instead of "oh no, not me", I'm going to start going to the gym...not to look better, but to get stronger, and I'm going to enroll in a women's self defense class. Smile sweety...you have come a long way. Keep up the good work. Kristy 254/148/130

Thanks for all the positive energy y'all are sending my way. I am really trying to be more positive. I think it is from a lifetime of having low self-esteem. I worry that my children will focus on the negative like me, so I try to put on a happy face with them. The mirror thing is good I suppose, if I could just not look at the skin. I had my dermatologist pull on my fat skirt and tell me it was easy as a snip/snip to take care of all that extra skin. Since then it has been my main focus. Clothes do tend to hide a lot, but we are coming up on bathing suit season. I would really like to go swimming with the kids this year, instead of watching on the side. I will work on a mantra....I am thin...I have more energy...I have had two kids and I'm 37 what did you expect (oops) Take care Alicia 240/142 (weighed myself and finally lost a couple more)/130

Hello Alicia, I relate to you. I have lost 160 lbs. so far and you would think that would be enough to turn my attitude around, right? All, I do is tell people how much I have to loose. It is a lot and I should not focus on that but the success. It is from years of negative thinking on my part. I keep working on it and I hope you do too. We are the one's that suffer. We will get better. We can pray for eachother. Hope you have a great day! Thanks for the post that hit home for me. Bye. Barb

Alecia, you look wonderful. Ditto what everyone else said about the low self esteem. When it's stressful at work, it's hard not to be negative. I know it sounds trite, but exercize really does help, even if we hate it. Hang in there! Best~barb